Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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stacyleanne 04/03/2011

How do you overcome bringing your old thoughts into new relationships. I met this great guy and am pretty sure i ruined it because I assumed every time he didn't answer the phone for a while when I knew he wasn't at work, that he is doing something "he can't tell me about." I am so sensitive about it and I'm pretty sure it freaked him out. I can't stop the thoughts though. I am so used to, from my abuser, knowing that when he didn't answer the phone it was because it was "none of my business," or I was getting the silent treatment because he was mad at me for doing something that made him mad, mind you, I never really knew what I did wrong.

How do I stop thinking like this and realize that most people are not like HIM? I find myself assuming the worst in everyone and assuming they are all like him and I don't want to think like this.

Faultedstars 04/04/2011

it's gonna take time, you gotta just be honest and tell this great guy that you really like about these emotions and why you have them . Hopefully he can help you get through it. But either way you're gonna have to work on trust, know that not every guy is a bad ex and remind yourself that just because he didn't answer a phone call doesn't mean he's doing something shady

TwilightStar 04/04/2011

Have you been to therapy for what has happened? It can really help for seperating these thoughts.

deleted_user 04/04/2011

If that guy got weirded out by you doing that then he isn't worth it. Honestly if he really liked you that much things like that wouldn't matter. You deserve someone who is understanding and caring!
I totally understand though. Its going to take time. I can't be in a relationship right now after everything that happened to me because I am so on edge. I keep assuming things also. I just think we need time to heal after being in a war basically. Good luck to you :] And good job on leaving your abuser! You are a strong girl!

deleted_user 04/04/2011

i'm exactly the same as you, i'm with a new partner now and he is an amazing man but i can't stop thinking he's cheating and going to hurt me the way my ex husband did. he knows the doubts i have but is determind to prove me wrong and prove he is a good man.
i think the one thing that will help is time, each day that goes on for me is helping me trust my partner more and more.
it's probaly totally innocent when he doesn't answer but make him aware of your reasons for thinking different and maybe he will open up more and let you know what he is doing. hope some of that helps.
big *hugs* x

stacyleanne 04/04/2011

Thank you so much for everyone encouragement. It helps to know I am not the only going through this because i still think of myself as crazy (which he made me believe) every time something like this happens.

Macerose: I really appreciate your advice. Thank you. That does make sense that someone who really cares and is worth it will be willing to understand why i feel this way and work hard to help me overcome it. If he can't accept these faults in me then I will just move on.

deleted_user 04/04/2011

It's really really hard to do. It just takes time to get over it. I still have moments where I think my hubby is going to do something like my ex would do, and I panic. It's not fair to my hubby for me to do that, and I have to remind myself of that. Don't freak if you catch yourself doing it. It's gonna happen

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