Welcome, it sounds like you're around the same stage I'm at, I've been with my fiance 8 years and got my first intentional smack nearly 3 weeks ago and found this website and started my journal that night. There's a lot of supportive and inspirational people on here and it's very liberating just being able to talk about what's happening without fear of reprisals. Stick around and make sure you keep anything you write away from your partner and I'm sure this forum will help you find your path to freedom. Good luck!

Welcome to you. We can help you plan your exit strategy and give you support to get out of abuse.

Hugs to you and welcome.

Welcome, Im sorry you are here but know you will find it useful. As Gingerbread has said, there are lots of very wise women (and men) on this board, who can help you with their knowledge and experiences. I left my ex just over 3 months ago, with the help of this group, and have successfully cut all ties with him. It was tough, but the help and advice on here really got me through it, saved my life at times, and made me laugh too. I look forward to reading your story. Take good care of yourself

Welcome Holly. . . .

Get yourself down to
your local women's center
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

There wwill be all kinds
of resources and support
waiting for you there.

And practice meticulous
SELF-CARE.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
strength and power.

STAY SAFE.

Welcome to our group. Glad that you found us.

There are, as Ilene says, many resources available. I am glad to hear you are keeping a journal now. It is a good idea, to journal about the specifics as much as you can remember. A journal helped me formulate my plan for leaving, and to deal with the ongoing abuse, but it also helped me in the ensuing court battle with the ex. I started it 5 years before I left.

Wish you much luck and Godspeed on your journey to freedom.

Welcome to the board. I wish you didn't have to be here, but I'm glad that you have found us and are joining the ranks. Ask your questions, we do have answers and we do understand.

Just remember that everyone's healing journey is unique and goes along its own course. There's no specific time and no specific path to follow. Your journey will be unique for you.

Keeping a journal is a great idea. As hockeymom said, make sure you write about what happens with your husband. Be as detailed as possible and put down dates and times. This will serve you well later on in many, many ways.

Good luck to you. Be safe!!! And hugs!!

Thank you for all the welcomes and suggestions. Mine is such a strange circumstance ( I am disabled , so that plays into "do I really want to leave him?) . ( More about disabled later) . I just wanted to respond to the posts that suggested journaling.
I have been keeping a "here's what's happening in life " journal for years because I don't have a memory. Along with the typical "today Rachel did..." , I've been writing about my husband. I always put teh date , so now I've condensed everything into a list entitled 'Dates to Remember ". It lists all the hits, threats , when he stopped supporting me, etc.
In my current writing, I'm reminded of things he did that I didn't journal about. Man, I should have left him years ago. ( It never crossed my mind that things could be different than what I was experiencing).
That covers the "journaling" aspect of life. I'm hesitant to "share my story" because I have my mother ingrained in me , and her philosophy was "Don't tell others your problems; they have enough of their own". Perhaps I can shed a bit of this and tell you more. I feel like I really need advice because of my disability and how it may play into things.
Thanks again for your support. I'll be writing more as I further digest your ideas, as well as what I should be doing . - Holly

Children in dysfunctional families
are taught to be secretive.

When we share and shed
our secrets, we admit to
ourselves and the world
that we're human. On
that day, we become
light enough to fly.

And then, we do.

Hi holly, welcome. Since you're saying you've been "smacked" which I assume means physically assaulted (??) and you're new it just "clicked" in my head to mention there is a cycle of violence where the level of seriousness typically escalates as time goes by...

If you aren't familiar with the cycle of violence and the phases, here's a good link:

http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

However this escalation doesn't necessarily mean "Oh, well he just pushed me so unless he leaves a mark I'm gonna forgive him." That's a slipper slope piece of logic and absolutely false. An abuser can go from punching a wall to pulling a gun on you faster than imagine. It just means that once they cross a line, they rarely back off from it no matter what the promises are.

Stay safe and it's nice to meet you!
~ Nickle ~

Ilene - I love that post (#8), thank you.
Holly - "welcome" to the group. I has suspicions, but was never sure, that I was being emotionally abused. Everyone told me "you will know when you've had enough". I never believed them until I realized I had had enough. Best of luck to you in your quest for freedom :)

Just wanted to say hello and welcome :) Alot of good people here. I hope you find what you need here. best wishes, Karen

Welcome Holly!

This site has been a godsend for me. Everyone her is helpful and everyone here is going through a different stage - therefore you get all types of perspectives. You will find plenty of guidance.

Although I feel bad that you are here, you have found a great group of people.