Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don't feel like I'm allowed to be upset by anything my boyfriend does.
For instance, He pays his half of the bills and he was supposed to have the guy he works with take him to the bank to cash his check so he could give me his share of the bills so, I could go grocery shopping, etc. One of the biggest issues we we is. He doesn't follow up on things, basically he doesn't keep his word. I have repeatedly given him the option not to give me his word or make promised about anything because I'm tired of being let down. This was about the 3rd or 4th thing he hasn't kept his word on this week. I was given the excuse the guy who gives him a ride to work arrived late so he couldn't take him to the bank. He never asked the guy ahead of time and just assumed he could do it. When he got home I told him that I was upset for not doing what he said. I also said because of that I will have to get up early and take him to the bank. I don't sleep well because of my fibromyalgia and my blood sugars have been high so I have to get up frequently. I will now have to get up when I finally am able to sleep to take him to the bank because of this my whole day will be thrown off because I will have to come home and sleep some more otherwise everything flares up. When I told him I was upset for not asking the person if he could actually take him instead of assuming he could, he got really upset with me and said I didn't have a right to make him feel guilty. I don't feel like I'm allowed to express my feelings when I'm upset because lately he has become really mean about it, or it is my fault that he didn't do what he said he would. He recently lost his license because he had been driving on an expire tag. His license was also expired. I let him borrow the money to get the tag which he didn't. He paid me back the following week, but didn't get it. I also let him borrow the money to get an old ticket paid off to get his license back and he hasn't asked anyone for a ride. He treats me like I'm the bad guy. I really just needed to vent. Not sure how much more I can take. He is very irresponsible. He blames it on memory problems due to a head injury. Yet, he writes nothing down and tells me not to be his mother and remind him..
For instance, He pays his half of the bills and he was supposed to have the guy he works with take him to the bank to cash his check so he could give me his share of the bills so, I could go grocery shopping, etc. One of the biggest issues we we is. He doesn't follow up on things, basically he doesn't keep his word. I have repeatedly given him the option not to give me his word or make promised about anything because I'm tired of being let down. This was about the 3rd or 4th thing he hasn't kept his word on this week. I was given the excuse the guy who gives him a ride to work arrived late so he couldn't take him to the bank. He never asked the guy ahead of time and just assumed he could do it. When he got home I told him that I was upset for not doing what he said. I also said because of that I will have to get up early and take him to the bank. I don't sleep well because of my fibromyalgia and my blood sugars have been high so I have to get up frequently. I will now have to get up when I finally am able to sleep to take him to the bank because of this my whole day will be thrown off because I will have to come home and sleep some more otherwise everything flares up. When I told him I was upset for not asking the person if he could actually take him instead of assuming he could, he got really upset with me and said I didn't have a right to make him feel guilty. I don't feel like I'm allowed to express my feelings when I'm upset because lately he has become really mean about it, or it is my fault that he didn't do what he said he would. He recently lost his license because he had been driving on an expire tag. His license was also expired. I let him borrow the money to get the tag which he didn't. He paid me back the following week, but didn't get it. I also let him borrow the money to get an old ticket paid off to get his license back and he hasn't asked anyone for a ride. He treats me like I'm the bad guy. I really just needed to vent. Not sure how much more I can take. He is very irresponsible. He blames it on memory problems due to a head injury. Yet, he writes nothing down and tells me not to be his mother and remind him..
Does your bf have any admirable traits?
In a relationship it takes two to tango, and it seems he either can't dance, or simply refuses to try to. Over time traits rarely change, so what you see with your bf is almost certainly forever what you can expect.
We talked a lot about what it is called when someone doesn't keep their word...what's that word again? Oh yes - LYING. How can you even begin to hope to have any sort of a healthy relationship when you can't even trust the word of your significant other?
There are basic character traits that get brought into a relationship from each partner. There is a basic expectation of HONESTY. If he can't meet the most basic tenet of a relationship, well hon, it isn't a relationship. No matter what gifts, flowers, cards, or how many "I'm sorry" statements there are.
Ditch this loser and find someone that knows the value of keeping their word, lest you find yourself in 20 years looking back trying to figure out why you bothered to keep trying with such an emotional midget in the first place.
According to your profile
you're relatively new here
and I'm sorry for the
circumstances that
brought you to be
posting on a forum
about abuse.
Also in your profile,
you describe yourself
as hurt, sad, depressed
and confused.
I'm so sorry.
Here's my opinion,
take it or leave it. . . . .
As long as you choose
to keep the guy you
describe as your
intimate partner
you will continue
to be all those things.
You'll also likely be
adding angry,
disappointed,
disrespected,
miserable,
devalued
and in
extended,
excruciating
emotional
PAIN.
Please consider
calling:
877-863-6338
That's your state's
women's resource center.
Please let them help you.
I'd write more, but I
have an appointment
right now.
Please take care of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and
all good things.
When it comes to abuse, their 'admirable traits' are nothing more than a way for the abuser to reel in their victim and then keep them off balance.
ANY time we put another person's demands, feelings, etc., ahead of our own to OUR OWN DETRIMENT, we are 1. codependent and 2. feeding the abuser.
PLEASE listen to radrm, ehope, tulip, and especially Ilene.
You mentioned you have fibro. That just makes it all the more important for you to take really good care of you and avoid stress. The stress of living with someone who is so dysfunctional and abusive is not only emotionally painful, but it also causes more physical pain, especially when you have fibro.
Please take good care of yourself.
You don't have either a man or a partner, just a little boy pretending to play house.