Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm tired of people making fun of my choices. I can't help it that I don't like alcohol and am strongly against it. That doesn't make me a bad person. It just means that I am more responsible. And I'm also sick of bullies!!!!! I've been dealing with them for 11 1/2 years and I'm tired of it. I can't help it that I am not as smart as the others in my star class. It's not my fault that I'm in a lower math class than the rest of the kids. That doesn't make me stupid. It just means It takes me longer to learn and do stuff. I am not a stupid person and I'm tired of people treating me that way. My family thinks that I can't do anything right. They make fun of how I carry a bible around school and that I wouldn't want to work on Sunday's. Apparently that makes me a Jew. I just take my faith more seriously than my family. They think of it as you get baptized you're a Christian. That's great and you don't have to work any harder at it. Why my family has to give me crap about it idk. It makes me not want to work hard at it. Plus I just want to feel like a better person. I hate myself right now and i want to change that but I have the lies that I'm not no good or I'm ugly engraved into my brain. Idk why people are shocked when I tell them I have a bunch of issues. It's true. I crave attention, I constantly want approval, my emotions run my life, I've hung out with the wrong crowds, and many more.
Have you contacted your local Department of Child Protection or Department of Human Services about the whole giving alcohol to your baby sister thing? Getting social services involved in your family doesn't mean that your family will be 'broken apart'. These days it's actually fairly difficult for families to be taken away from each other. What they will do is to help your mom and dad be better parents and work with you and your brothers and sisters to make sure that you feel safe and that you're not in danger.
Please make the call. Until you can ask for help, you will continue to feel the way you're feeling and continue to watch your parents give alcohol to your little brothers/sisters. Be brave for yourself and your family, it sounds like you're the only one that has common sense in your situation right now.
More hugs, violet xxx
Violet, could you call the number that IleneW gave you on the other thread privately first, to ask if there is somewhere you and your siblings could go to get away from potential danger?
Based on how you present yourself here, I would say you are highly intelligent, very articulate, deeply caring, committed to your siblings and very mature for your age. I must echo Ilene in another post that you had to grow up very fast because of (at minimum) the alcoholic dysfunction of your parents. IMHO, they are very sick people and I what I say next is VERY important!
You are not dealing with your parents! You are dealing with the alcohol! Whether drugs of alcohol, it takes over the mind and body of its "host" person and they start acting in ways that are not normal. The longer they use, the worse they get & the harder it is to be around them, no matter how much we love & miss the person(s) they used to be.
They become abusive, cruel, and manipulative. They cheat and lie. They want what they want when they want it and they make sure they do whatever it takes for them to get it (whatever it is). They hurt and endanger those closest to them. They turn families upside down. They are confusing and maddening. They are mean and ugly. They say and do hurtful things. They blame others and they never take responsibility and are never accountable for their actions. They PROJECT their problems, their insecurities, their faults, etc. onto everyone else, especially those closest to them.
Those around them, ESPECIALLY the kids, end up doing whatever they can to survive, sometimes they make very wise decisions, sometimes not. (NOT judging here - I just know because I grew up with this type of dysfunction and then I married it trying to get away.)
We children of alcoholics/addicts usually grow up to be super responsible. But we also usually grow up w/low self-esteem. We can feel confused and unlovable. We blame ourselves. We grow up angry & hurt. We don't realize what's going on because of all of the dysfunction and confusion. We grow up not trusting our own healthy intuition & instincts.
Sadly, your reactions to the crazy-making in your family are perfectly normal. You know what's going on is crazy and just not right because you've said so here. From some of your other posts, you say you are afraid and that is also totally understandable. Living in craziness often makes us fearful. And fear tends to paralyze us.
I grew up with (functional) alcoholics and while they didn't do some of the things your parents did, there was still crazy-making and it caused me to not believe in or trust myself. Then I married an alcoholic. One time he gave our 2 yr old beer. I didn't know it until he called me in to see how my little one was staggering around!!!! I was furious, but still too enmeshed in his disease and too afraid and too confused to leave. At that point I didn't even realize he was an alcoholic because he seemed normal. And that was the same as it was when I grew up. So I didn't know any different and I had been taught to not trust myself because I wasn't smart enough.
In the marriage, for decades, I thought I was the one who was crazy. I thought all the problems were my fault. I thought I was the screwed up one. It's taken me a long time to realize that I alcoholism/addiction makes those around the users sick too (but many times in different ways). I was so enmeshed with my parents and then my ex that I was horribly co-dependent. It's taken me years of therapy and hard work to start getting healthy. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I am here to tell you that it is possible.
What you described about you learning differently doesn't mean you are stupid!!! It's about you being smart and processing things differently. I did that too. I could figure out math stuff, just not the way they wanted me to. Not everyone's brains work the same. We are not a cookie cutter world. My advice is treasure your 'different-ness' - you are special and unique & there is no one else like you. You have gifts and you are a gift & that's why you are here on this earth!!
All of the advice you have been getting here about talking with a trusted adult is because we all know that your home environment is very sick and it will make you and your siblings sick. We all can only do what we know (i.e. what we grew up in).
And in my experience it is really hard to change & heal unless we can get away from all the toxicity. It's like exposing ourselves to the flu - the more we hang out w/people who have it, the more our chances increase that we will get sick & stay sick. It's the same with addiction - we may not drink (I don't - I don't like the taste and I don't like seeing what it does to others), but we can't help but learn those behaviors without even realizing it. They say that alcohol is only 10% of the problem. The other 90% is behavior. BUT one cannot change the 90% behavior until they stop doing the 10% drinking/using.
You already know what's going on isn't right. That's because you innately KNOW and that is a gift to hang on to!! Listen to & trust your instincts. I hope that you are able to find the support you need to help you through this so you can continue on your healing path.
~HUGS~
This has to be handled the right way for her to have a chance. If she is in imminent danger, DCP is not going to leave her in that household. She and her siblings would be taken into temporary custody by the state and would be returned to mom and dad when they both meet all conditions of rehabilitation.