Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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NewStart4me 07/22/2012

hello friends
well im back from a week away, yes it was with him but i mainly kept myself to myself and went for long long walks on the beach to think , took my ipod and danced my arse off , people thought i was mad but i needed to do it because thats who i was before i met him.
i went to the beach and took journal and other paper and made notes of what came into my mind....i cant tell you its amazing what you discover when youre quiet...
anyway , we got on to a point , he got his way a lot because i didnt want a scene while i was away......
as soon as we got back he changed like a light switch being turned on.........BANG....just as quick as saying that.........
now hes back in his bad mood , although hes saying im imagining it????
hes told our daughter that all the animals have to go tomorrow.....hes sick of them........LIKE WE ARE NOT SICK OF YOU!!!!!...lol.......
i have 'tried' and obviously failed to reason with him......i was 'putting words into his mouth' apparanltey...........whats that all about?????

i have come away from the argument or heated discussion....THAT WAS CUT SHORT BY HIM by the way.....actually questioning my motives?......was i putting words into his mouth?????
AM I GOING MAD?

I just need to leave i think..........i think this was gaslighting but not sure?

JillieBean71 07/22/2012

Nope....he's got a nasty case of gaslighting and crazymaking going on. You're not crazy or mad!! He's doing it to break you down. Waiting for you to beg for something....like forgiveness. Don't give into it! Just let him have his little rants, because there's really no point in trying to have a real conversation with him. No point in arguing with anyone when they are completely unreasonable....and believe me, he has no reasoning ability, so save your energy!

Keep taking care of you and be safe!! Hugs!

hurtinandhealin2560 07/22/2012

If you have not read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans, please do.

This is classic verbal/emotional abuse.

My ex would say things and five minutes later say I was lying, that he never that. Does make you think you're going crazy. That's the method the abuser takes. He wants you to think you're crazy so then if he cheats on you or leaves you, he can say, "I just couldn't take it anymore; she's so crazy."

PLease make an attempt to get away from him. This is such an unhealthy way to live.

NewStart4me 07/22/2012

so him saying that im putting words into his mouth IS an abusive tactic meant to keep me in chaos?????

deleted_user 07/22/2012

and it is manipulation .... I am a big sucker for that one.

NewStart4me 07/22/2012

its true about abuse victims losing or blocking thier memory....thats why we keep giving them chances i think.....we forget.......

i just wish i knew about the tactics they used when i first met him.....
theres so many and im not a stupid person , but sometimes i look at what people write and i just doesnt want to go in?

NewStart4me 07/22/2012

i wish there was a list of the way they do these different things so i could see exactly whats been going on
brainwashing
crazymaking
gaslighting.........etc...........

i need to know xx

MyTrueColors 07/22/2012

There is a list. hurtin's suggestion to read The Verbally Abusive Relationship is an excellent one! That book will explain many of forms of abuse, especially the more subtle ones.

In the mean time, go to www.youarenotcrazy.com, as there is a lot of info there!

IleneW 07/22/2012

A list becomes irrelevant
once you determine that
the individual is abusive.

Than you can take as a given
that EVERYTHING THEY SAY
and EVERYTHING THEY DO
is abusive.

deleted_user 07/22/2012

the tactic is always turn it around on you. that's the game. so you question yourself.

i heard "you are putting words in my mouth" so many times i couldn't count them.

everything they say is a tactic to make you doubt yourself.

don't doubt yourself. doubt him.

NewStart4me 07/22/2012

ok , so when they say , or he says , THATS RIGHT BLAME ME AGAIN......ITS ALWAYS ME TO BLAME ISNT IT?........what hes really doing is making it MY fault?

is that right?

IleneW 07/22/2012

He's playing "martyr."

NewStart4me 07/22/2012

thanks llene ,
i know youre all probably sick of me posting but i need to know these things

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