Hi, first of all , yes, I wish you luck. You mentioned something in another thread about it being a seasonal thing. So you probably know.
By the way, won't the staying up and not sleeping make you more anxious and in a harder position to control the situation?

Thanks for the kind words, disi2222.

I quite often stay up all night, it's just how I roll. I tend to be more calm and prepared to see him in the early morning if I have been up all night and thus had plenty of time take a shower, put on makeup, and look perfect to see him. Also enough time to psychically ready myself to see him.

Last time when my ex-boyfriend came over to drop off my stuff in the early morning I had stayed up all night, written him a poem and showered and prepared enough that I felt perfectly calm and composed and ready to see him at 8:30 am. Normally I would have trouble waking up that early and I don't want to miss him.

I know it's a little odd, but it works for me. Thanks for your concern though, it is appreciated.

I have noticed that you are speaking about all these preparations for someone who is abusive, who you broke up with and I think that had I had to meet my ex I would wear my ugliest cloths and show up a mess and because that's what I feel for him

That's interesting. My reaction to not wanting him back is to look immaculate and perfect and beautiful so that misses me and then refuse him. I feel like that way I win. Success is the best revenge. I will have been up all night tho, so might be rather wild-eyed and hollow-eyed.

But your perspective is interesting. Thanks for sharing.

You broke up with him
and are on a forum for
survivors of abuse.

I realize that at almost
7:30, there isn't time
enough for this suggestion,
but normally I'd urge you
to do the Clarifying Index
Card exercise I developed
for this, and other vulnerable
moments.

Since you don't have
time to do that exercise
is a conventional way,
I'd suggest that, in the
hour before he arrives,
you focus on the worst
moments of your time
together, and further,
that you take the
package from him
at the door, thank him
for bringing it over,
and then say, "Have
a good day. Bye,"
and close the door!!!!!!!!!!

At this point, that
strategy is your
best bet.

After that. . . . . . .

NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity, strength
and self-love.

Yes, please do the exercise as IleneW says. Seeing the whole picture is REALLY important with abuse.

Have you read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans? She so well diagrams the way abusers live in a different reality. It's easy to get sucked in, so you have to see it for what it is to combat that.

Oh, and when it comes to physical objects, I catch myself worrying about them in ways that would get me caught up with my STBX and then realize that it's not worth it to me. Objects are replaceable.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your thoughtful and helpful responses. They have really given me the strength I need to just take that package and close the door behind me.

Staying up all night, disi2222 work out perfectly, because now I am freshly showered, blow dried, made up, wearing a tasteful yet elegant maxi dress and fully prepared to face him like a dignified queen.

ooooo, i haven't read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" yet, but as I've heard it mentioned a lot around this board I feel like it's something I ought to read. I'll check it out.

I know stuff is just stuff, but the stuff that I still have to get from my ex is a pair of $50 leggings with pills on them that I ordered from the Internet and he's dropping off this morning, then a truly irreplaceable package of 14 copies of a small press anthology that I have a poem in, so in both cases pretty important things that I really want to get. if the books are misdelivered and I never get one it was a small print run. I may not be able to get copies of this book that I am published in. I was planning on giving some of them as Christmas gifts.

My ex is not physically abusive. Only verbally and emotionally. I don't think that there is a risk that he will assault me as I get my last two packages back. We have both decided to make this an amicable conscious uncoupling and be nice to each other, thank God.

I still don't know what he's going to say to me this morning. Or what i'm going to say back. Just playing this one by ear. He arrive in 50 minutes. I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes.

I know you are strong enough to do what is best don't listen to the heart but your head make a list and keep it handy of what he has done that was so hurtful don't let it deter you call a friend to back you up and stay strong

OMG, so what happened and just took all the stress and heartache of seeing him away was he just texted me that he wouldn't have time to drop it off and I could pick it up. Yes, I would so prefer to pick it up. Then I don't have to talk to him. Much better.

I see i was psyching myself out over nothing, What a relief.

I can tell that was stressful. Glad it worked out!

Hey Andrea. I find your post very real to what we sometimes face. I understand what you are going through. I can even relate to wanting to dress up and make your ex miss you. However, do not get caught up in the fantasy and do not let him lure you back. You have come so far and I think sometimes we just need a reminder of what we DON'T want. It gets hard sometimes. Most feelings do not go away over night but keep posting and sharing. We will be here to support you, encourage and most importantly tell you the truth. :-) Stay strong

Hugs

He knows you... he's playing mind games.

I'd tell him to leave it with your neighbor.