That's a lot to deal with! Yes, overwhelming sorry is what I have felt and still do... but it DEFINITELY lessens as the truth comes clearer.

I've learned that marriage counseling doesn't work in cases of abuse because abuse is NOT A RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM. Plus abusers use marriage counseling to further try to control their victims. That is the experience I had with it, and the pain from that one session still overwhelms me at times. I will never do it again.

I've been studying emotional abuse for a year and I STILL think "maybe she's changing." I suppose that's just part of it. (but the answer is "no change.")

Hey, it's OK to feel weak and it's ok to cry. And you have support- you won't be alone!

Thanks...... I wish it was easier, I wish I didn't feel or care so much. Just blah!

I know what you mean!! Please find strength in the fact that you feel and care. That is what normal people do in a relationship.

'''I have prayed to god for 2 weeks for guidance, strength, grace, mercy, clarity, courage, happiness, etc. Specifically hoping for clarity and guidance on my marriage''

I think God has given you all that. Everyone here have been giving you guidance, strength, grace, mercy, clarity, courage but only YOU can use those to make yourself happy. You have everything in front of you but you are not going to see this now. You are in a 'blind' state where no matter what anyone says, your mind is saying otherwise. You are and see what you want to see because you have gone back to FIX your marriage and it just isn't working the way you hoped. SO obviously you are extremely dissapointed! You are dissapointed in yourself. because you wanted him and hoped he would change.You are making yourself sick. You have to take care of yourself.

I was there a year and a half ago. I KNOW what you are feeling. I couldn't hear a word my friends/family/DS were telling me. It came in through one ear and left just as fast from the other. I WANTED IT TO WORK OUT NO MATTER WHAT. IT HAD TO.

But it didn't and it got way worse and it ruined me. I was a dead person inside and was making myself sick. I needed to snap out of it or I was going down one way or another.

Only way I could do that was to have him OUT and have absolutely no contact whatsoever!! Because if I saw him I would fall for him once again. Because of how I felt about him and because he was so damn good at getting me back. So, NO CONTACT saved me. I believe it is the ONLY way out when you are where you are. Like I said, I was there where you are.... same thing.

Please take care of yourself.

Thank you GiGi, you are right, it is so hard, the encouragement is nice and helpful but I feel like I constantly need more and more and more because I still feel so horrible. =(

I tell people, time heals, and I just wish time has passed and I am healed. =(

Thank you all for your support, I really do appreciate it as hard as this is for me.

You will get there when you are ready :)

ANd YES, it gets better, much better. But after the breakup it is very hard. That is the weakest moment when it is so easy to fall back because we are so fragile and sad and he comes with sweet words of love and promises... it becomes so easy to want THAT than to be alone and sad! (but we know that is just BS he is coming up with)

Hugs!!

Hey Confused! I'm sorry you're feeling so down.

I remember how sad I felt in the past when I was looking for approval from my husband. Like you, I thought it would be great if he would change.

Have you ever read the book "The Four Agreements" ?? by Juan Miguel Ruiz?.. It's a great book.
Reading it was the start of some really positive changes in my life.
Not only in dealing with my husband but other people as well.

The most helpful concept I learned is.... Whatever somebody says to us.. Pretty words and compliments.. Or insults and criticizing... It's always about them. So we don't HAVE to take it to heart and feel bad.. we don't!

But if you decide that the trauma has been too much and you just can't see yourself ever enjoying your husband's company ever again... well that is up to you! It's your life and you get to decide how you live it! That is a great thing!

Sending good thoughts your way!

You are in a really tough place, but yes, it's all really normal. I was there too, where I could hardly breathe for the pain and fear - of what had gone on, of the realisations I was having, of the future. And self-doubt about whether I was making the right choice, or just running away from a problem. Whether I should stay and fix it, whether it really was all my fault.

What I can say is that, in my case, once he left I really started to get clarity (with the help of my counsellor and, later, the help of DS). And when I look back now, I know I did everything I could, I gave more to that marriage than he or it ever came close to deserving. And I also know that if I'd stayed, I would have died. He was killing me as it was. I had been suicidal during the marriage and almost certainly would have been again.

The sadness is completely explainable. You have given him a last chance that, even as you did it you felt he didn't really deserve, but you went above and beyond because you felt that was the right thing to do. And even that wasn't enough to get even his basic respect, let alone any real effort from him. And that IS sad. It's the loss of a dream, the death of what you thought you had, of what might have been. Of course it's sad.

The pain does ease. Right now, you are still hearing his words, still trying to believe them. And in doing so, you are drinking poison. When you stop drinking poison, you will start to recover.

Finally, don't beat yourself up over the fact that we all seem to see things so clearly and you don't. It's always easier to see things from the outside. It's also easy to judge a situation from the outside, because we don't have all the confusing nuances nor the emotional attachments.

Trust yourself, trust your instincts.

Thank you, your words are comforting. I know so many people have been where I am yet I feel so alone. I am trying to be positive. Thank you everyone.