Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I left my husband on Halloween after 28 years of marriage. After his second psychiatric hospitalization within the last year, I came to the realization that I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for many years (over 2 decades actually). The last year has been particularly difficult as our son shared that he had been sexually abused by my husband's step mom for an eight year period as a child (he is now an adult). After working through a hospitalization for my husband in April, one for my son in September, and them both being hospitalized in October, I began to really reflect on my husband's treatment of me over the years and finally understood it has been abusive. The "icing on the cake" was his horrible treatment of me during and after his last hospitalization. He left, but came back, and I did not feel safe, so I left. I ended up staying at his mom's house (she left for winter). The solitude has been the best thing for me as I have reflected on our relationship and done a bunch of reading. Lundy Bancroft's book "Should I Stay or Should I Go" was an amazing resource for me as I sifted through all the "stuff" I've been dealing with for over twenty years. The more I talked with my family, his family and friends, the more I realized how unhealthy my marriage has been. I've consulted with a lawyer and am ready to tell him that I will be filing for divorce. I want to do it this weekend and I am so scared. I know this is the best thing for me, and I still go back and forth, thinking he may change. Then, I remember what I've read, especially in Lundy's bood about controlling men and I look at the index cards I've created (thanks Ilene!) and I read the letter he wrote in response to mine to him about the harm that's been caused throughout our relationship. I realize he will never "get it" and our relationship will never be healthy. This is going to be the hardest conversation to have. I could really use some encouragement. Thank you! And thank you everyone for sharing your stories and pouring out your hearts. It has helped me to feel less alone during this time in my life as I work through all this stuff!
Just want to send you a lightning bolt of affirmation!!!!
You have been through so much and it is so amazing that you are seeing through the veil and not only naming it but about to take action! A gift for yourself.!
You know why you are doing this and what you have been through.
You are a survivor, a badass, a brave warrior taking the necessary step to a freer life! Of course it will be scary but firstly you will be on your way to having yourself back!
I relate to the "coming to" and slow realization that something is abusive :-( and it's hard to process all the levels of self betrayal and also love and fear I have for this person I am no longer seeing. But gradually I am feeling lighter, today I felt it in a new way. Fuller and more integrated as a person. This is going a lot of places and its 12:30 am but I am sitting on my bed and smiling thinking of you... Because you're about to do this huge thing for yourself ... So much greatness will come of it.
Sending you hugs hugs.
Remember Nerves are natural! ;)
you can do this and you're gonna do it !
having had to change
all the "sign in" stuff). . . . .
you're welcome.
There's no specified
time-line on escape.
You accomplish it as
your inner resources
and circumstances
allow.
The way to go when
you feel scared is to
line up what you know
behind you (like the
Clarifying Index Cards)
and then proceed
forward, one step
and then one step
and then the next
one step.
Well ---- you're
doing that.
Good for you!!!!!
There's still time
to live . . . . free
of abuse.
One step and then
one step and then
one step. Enough
steps and the
horizon of the future
appears before you.
You're a flower
on the stem of
the universe.
It's time to
BLOOM.