Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was raised being told that my place, being female, was to be suductive for men, visually and in action and body language. I had it down by the age of three, copying Mae West. I was supposed to be pure pleasure to the senses, erotic in every way. It was impressed upon me what the standard of beauty was and, that if I was good at suducing men, my reward was to able to turn the tables, making the master a servant, through sex. No shit, that what my mother taught! My father taught that woman were incapable of rational, intellegent thought because we were emotional creatures. I was brainwashed.
I don't know if I need to explain this but both my parents were sex addicts, in there own ways and I, to this day, find myself comparing myself to the sythetic barely, legals of the porn industry. My upbringing created developemental and emotional damage. Dad was addicted to porn and I knew his priorities - his obsession towards my mother the most important thing to him. Next was his porn then, the way people viewed him. I think I might have been next, hard to say. My mother, well, she was addicted to love and had affairs all the time. She got off on control, like my dad.
Skip ahead, I married a porn addict that spent the first 20 years of our marriage unable to get an errection or falling asleep on me. I was insane with sexual frustration and emotional intimicy, but I was NOT goin to be like my mother! When we did have sex, I could count on three things: that he would finish too quick, that it would be more of a teast than a release, and that I would get pregnant. He could not be with me because the porn left him too detached, I guess. He was also an abusive little a**. Regardless, it destroyed what was left of my self worth.
Skip ahead some more and, I'll tell you I've been insanely lonely for at least 5 years. I understand my husband's issues and don't expect more from him than his honesty. I think though, I am dieing slowly because of the madening state of my attachment figures. I seriously just need other people to talk to so I can reconnect with myself. If I fail at that, I'm doomed to die or have an affair - same thing to me.
Ignore my spelling, please. I wrote it quick and cannot proof read because of emotional yuckiness.
I don't know if I need to explain this but both my parents were sex addicts, in there own ways and I, to this day, find myself comparing myself to the sythetic barely, legals of the porn industry. My upbringing created developemental and emotional damage. Dad was addicted to porn and I knew his priorities - his obsession towards my mother the most important thing to him. Next was his porn then, the way people viewed him. I think I might have been next, hard to say. My mother, well, she was addicted to love and had affairs all the time. She got off on control, like my dad.
Skip ahead, I married a porn addict that spent the first 20 years of our marriage unable to get an errection or falling asleep on me. I was insane with sexual frustration and emotional intimicy, but I was NOT goin to be like my mother! When we did have sex, I could count on three things: that he would finish too quick, that it would be more of a teast than a release, and that I would get pregnant. He could not be with me because the porn left him too detached, I guess. He was also an abusive little a**. Regardless, it destroyed what was left of my self worth.
Skip ahead some more and, I'll tell you I've been insanely lonely for at least 5 years. I understand my husband's issues and don't expect more from him than his honesty. I think though, I am dieing slowly because of the madening state of my attachment figures. I seriously just need other people to talk to so I can reconnect with myself. If I fail at that, I'm doomed to die or have an affair - same thing to me.
Ignore my spelling, please. I wrote it quick and cannot proof read because of emotional yuckiness.
This is difficult. I hope that you find the connections that you hope to find the support that you need here.
You come across as a sincere person, and one whom is genuinely reaching out. You are a fine person, which means you have defied your parents in becoming a worthless soul instead.
When he got prostate cancer and lost all desire, I thought now we can live a normal life... NOT. I left him 6 months ago. I am in conuseling
for myself.
Thanks all