Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok, I need one more word of advice. I haven't spoken to my husband since I left Friday morning. He's spoken to my brother a few times, and when I went to get my things, he wasn't there.
Now, I would be fine not speaking to him ever again, but we do have a two year old together. He's been calling my brother, my other family, and anyone who would listen claiming that he doesn't know where we are. However, I KNOW he put tracking on my phone Friday while I was on my way back to my brother's 2 hours away and kept it on until early this Saturday morning. So, he should know that I was on the highway back to my brother's house. He's spoken to my brother yesterday and today. My brother told him we were okay and with family.
According to my brother, sister in law, and her social-worker cousin who's in town for the holiday, I shouldn't contact him until I make my final move down south to my mom's next week. My phone died Saturday morning and he left facebook, so there's no easy way for me to contact him.
However, I checked my messages tonight from my brother's phone and he left 8 messages. The first few he asked me to simply call him. Then he threatened to do an Amber alert. On the last message, he was crying, saying "You think this is a joke...I'm her father...I deserve to know where my daughter is...I wouldn't do this to you". I'll admit, it pulled my heartstrings a little, but my family says don't contact him.
However, to me, there's unresolved issues: my daughter and my irreplaceable stuff (I mentioned in a different thread). I researched divorce laws, and there is no legal separation in my mom's state (although there is in my soon-to-be former home state) and both states are fault states, although my mom's state is more strict about fault and requires a full year of separation before a divorce can be started. I also want to add that I have no interest in living in my home state ever again; I was just here for a job and that company left the state and laid me off.
I'm unsure how to re-initiate contact in the way that protects me legally and emotionally. I'm honestly not trying to keep him from his child, but I don't know how to proceed with contact and I'm erring on the side of caution. What are some recommended ways and methods of contact in this situation?
Now, I would be fine not speaking to him ever again, but we do have a two year old together. He's been calling my brother, my other family, and anyone who would listen claiming that he doesn't know where we are. However, I KNOW he put tracking on my phone Friday while I was on my way back to my brother's 2 hours away and kept it on until early this Saturday morning. So, he should know that I was on the highway back to my brother's house. He's spoken to my brother yesterday and today. My brother told him we were okay and with family.
According to my brother, sister in law, and her social-worker cousin who's in town for the holiday, I shouldn't contact him until I make my final move down south to my mom's next week. My phone died Saturday morning and he left facebook, so there's no easy way for me to contact him.
However, I checked my messages tonight from my brother's phone and he left 8 messages. The first few he asked me to simply call him. Then he threatened to do an Amber alert. On the last message, he was crying, saying "You think this is a joke...I'm her father...I deserve to know where my daughter is...I wouldn't do this to you". I'll admit, it pulled my heartstrings a little, but my family says don't contact him.
However, to me, there's unresolved issues: my daughter and my irreplaceable stuff (I mentioned in a different thread). I researched divorce laws, and there is no legal separation in my mom's state (although there is in my soon-to-be former home state) and both states are fault states, although my mom's state is more strict about fault and requires a full year of separation before a divorce can be started. I also want to add that I have no interest in living in my home state ever again; I was just here for a job and that company left the state and laid me off.
I'm unsure how to re-initiate contact in the way that protects me legally and emotionally. I'm honestly not trying to keep him from his child, but I don't know how to proceed with contact and I'm erring on the side of caution. What are some recommended ways and methods of contact in this situation?
Every state in the US has a connection with the
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Call: (808) 832-9316
The number I listed for another poster
was a Hawaii area code, since that's
where she was.
Not knowing where you are or are headed,
here's the national hotline number:
800.799.SAFE (7233)
And nyc is right. GET A LAWYER
IMMEDIATELY.
Please take good care.
We all know how these people love to turn things around so that they are seen as the victim, and how clever they are at doing that. Be very careful here. If you didn't have a child together, it wouldn't be a problem, but you do.
If it were me, I'd contact a lawyer as soon as possible to see what his next move might be and what you and your daughter's rights are.
Good luck to you.
I'm hitting a snag in my move because my mom is pretty sick, sicker than my brother that lives near her is letting on. And he's indicating that he actually would rather me not move down and bring my "drama" with me.
The brother I'm staying with believes it's over, as evidenced by me leaving and not contacting my husband. However, my brother down south has been getting harrassing calls from husband and basically doesn't want anything to do with me now.
My husband, BTW, has been contacting any family member he can and spilling bad secrets about me and going nuts, basically. :/ It's hard not to contact him just to say STFU.
I definitely want to see a lawyer. I'm a little nervous that he might file something, since he's unemployed and has nothing but time on his hands. Plus, I'm getting the idea that his mother is egging him on too. I have to first convince my brother to get me a ticket to fly down south (I'm willing to drive, but no one wants to "let me") and then move down there because I'm sure if I file in this state I have to stay here.
The only barrier to me getting a lawyer is that I too am unemployed and he has all the money. But I guess I can go through legal aid to get a lawyer that way.
My brother down south still doesn't want me to come down, but my brother out west doesn't mind me coming (I have 4 brothers by the way, so I have a few options). His state is a no fault state with lenient residency requirements, so I may be able to file something as soon as I get there and get a drivers license. The distance from the rest of my family, especially my mother, is slightly holding me back, but it might be what I need.
But first...I know I need to call a shelter. Thanks so much for your help, I really do appreciate it. ;)
I'm just really nervous about him filing first. My family thinks he's dumb and will just let me walk out but my gut is saying get the legalities taken care of before I leave the state and I'm going to start listening to my gut from now on anyway.