Incoming wall of text, apologies ahead of time. ^^;; If helpful, this essay-and-a-half can be summarized as "it's bad" and the last three paragraphs are specific to the advice I need.

Alrighty, here we go. How to make this make sense, keep it concise, and not break the forum rules of the road. There is one thing I don't think I can even bring up in this thread, especially regarding my viewpoint towards it, but it has greatly influenced what would have probably already been a bad situation anyways. I don't want to tread on forum rules so... some might guess what it is, but let's leave it out of the discussion.

The truth is, it doesn't make sense. Abuse rarely if ever does. "The abuser was abused at some point themselves" is to me a cop-out, because I have lived through severe abuse and I am not an abuser. Far from it. In the end, every human being makes a choice. It is that choice that separates us, the abuse survivors and anyone who's managed a healthy life free of abuse, from the abusers. But I digress...

I am going to refer to a certain set of people as parents simply because it is faster to type than "genetic material providers" as I usually call them if I ever mention them at all. They do not deserve the title of "parents" in any way. Yes, they put food on the table. Yes, they kept roofs over our heads. This can never make up for what they haven't done, as well as the mentally and emotionally-crippling things they have done. I am free of them myself due to establishing no contact, although there is still one way they can get to me by proxy: through my younger brother. And this is actually about him, because he is the one in danger while I am free of the hellhouse.

Let's call my brother "John" so as to avoid using his real name. He is 15. I have a younger sister who will factor into this as well, she is 20 and let's call her "Jane." They are both adopted. The only reason my parents got married in the first place was because they got knocked up with me (they try to say otherwise but that is how it is). I am in my mid-thirties, and the parents also have one other son by blood, he is just under 3 years younger than me and I have no contact with him either because he turned out just like them except worse and more overt.

The parents have gotten progressively worse over the years, but then I think part of why I had it mildly better than John was because I learned to stuff it. To not argue, because saying anything at all meant a longer lecture no matter who was right or wrong. The truth of the matter is, the parents were only happy when what I was doing was what they approved of. If it was something they didn't approve of or didn't understand, they didn't take the time to get to know why I had interest in it. They would instead heavily monitor, limit, or outright ban it.

Years later they admitted to me that I was a very good kid, once they had the new adopted set of children who were a bit more willful, especially Jane as years progressed. John has ended up going more my route in that house (depressed, introverted) but he has stuck up for himself better than I was able to. It means he gets punished more often, sadly. I left that house the first time, going into university, with what I would call life-skills-crippling issues based on how I was treated at home and my abysmal self esteem. I had no value for myself, because the parents had no value either unless I was being the perfect child as defined by their twisted and ridiculously-strict guidelines. It's entirely possible I could have gone into computer game design just as the industry was beginning to find its roots, and done marvelously and loved my job but instead... I ended up having to drop out of university because I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I did not live under the parents' roof until many years later again, twice, and that was in my late 20's and it was absolutely awful. There was this fake civil thing going on while they continued to undermine me, and very badly handled my necessary separation and divorce from my terrible then-husband.

And that is the house that John continues to be stuck in. Jane got kicked out this summer because the mother went snooping through her stuff and found something (I think it was pot, I have memory problems thanks to Bipolar 2 and some medication I should never have agreed to take some years ago... so I can't remember exactly at the moment). John, meanwhile, has been put down for so many of the brilliant things he does and is interested in. He likes to sew and make costumes and costume weaponry. He likes the same Asian ball-jointed dolls I do, but they put him down for it, partly for expense reasons (it's a hobby, kettles calling the pot black much?) and partly because it's a dollllllll and he's a boyyyyy and "dolls are for little girls." (Not so, not so at all! There are many very happy adults and males in the hobby.) I gave him one as a gift early this year and although they have so far let him keep it... letting him continue to keep it is even a worry for him! He can't look at doll websites without being told "that's stupid" and he has gotten in trouble for saying he wants to buy one of his own. He is not allowed to buy one while he is under that roof, not even an inexpensive one.

I could get into more, but there is so much. There is physical abuse. He's been hit by the father, shoved into a coffee table that left a visible mark for a while and John was made fun of at school for it. One day while I was visiting, Jane said something snippy that pissed the father off, I didn't hear it but she suddenly fled past where John and I were sitting in the living room, and shrieked over and over in fear and the father ended up dragging her up the stairs by her hair, while she tried desperately to keep her butt on the stair surface to keep it from getting beat. He threw her in her room and... John and I just sat there petrified (I was... 29? 30? at the time and this was before I established no contact). We could see most of what had happened from our abuse-rooted spots.

When I mentioned Jane's incident much later when talking to her, her eyes sort of glazed over and she said something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, we talked about that, it's okay now." ...Umm, no. Meanwhile, she continues to have a relationship with them and they actually tried to talk her into moving back in with them once they realized they'd screwed up and lost direct control over her by kicking her out. She at least did say to me in regards to that, "Why the heck would I do that? I'm out now." She is of that mistaken belief that they are her parents and thus she has to love them. In the end though, it's her choice... she's an adult now. She has made other choices I don't approve of, but she took the more antisocial route (as in, criminal-type, not "shy" like most people think that word means) while John and I became doorsteps under the control of the parents.

Both parents have always been spankers, I avoided getting it from the father (who uses a belt) but the mother... ugh. She only stopped with me when finally figuring out it wasn't really making any impact. They have always been vindictively restrictive, verbally abusive although it used to be more veiled except when they got really mad, now it's quite a bit more open towards John. Again, there is so much, and this is going to be long enough, so if anyone is thinking "is it really that bad" please just take my word for it. IT IS. Once I established no contact via email in which I told the parents exactly who they were, what they were doing, and that I had no more part in it, John called me a lot on the phone, often every night when nobody else needed to use the line. Then eventually he was limited to once a week on a weekend day, and could only come over once a month as long as it had been at least two weeks since the last visit. That was because the parents think I am a bad influence, and yet they told him to lie to me and not tell me that was the reason why he wasn't calling so often anymore. They have also told him not to tell me what goes on in the house. He tells me anyways, as he should since he wants to and I am honored to have his confidence. Now he can only call every other weekend, though he was able to come over this past weekend, and this is when I learned the latest development in insanity:

He was faithfully clearing his browser history on his computer for fear the parents have been snooping and forgot for a week. We're both thinking they've been checking ever since he got the computer and have only now "caught him." They've discovered he's looking at porn. Duh. Like every normal, healthy 15-year-old boy. They then freaked out on him and when he tried to tell them it was none of their business. They said they have every right as parents to know exactly what he is into (no, they do not, they lost any iota of parental rights long ago and a GOOD parent knows to give their child decent respect and privacy!).

They went and installed some kind of parental security program on his computer and watch him while he is using the computer. I had already told him the environment was horribly toxic and he shouldn't be there (and he knows it), but he was hoping they would help him pay for college. He already has one picked out, at 15, and was really looking forward to it. But nope, they've now found an excuse to nix their last child's college education: me. I left with the supposed mutual understanding that the whole university experience was a bad call on everyone's part, not my fault, I had undiagnosed mental conditions and the father even admitted he wasn't sure I was ready when I was preparing to go but he kept silent, etc. Also, considering most of it was done by community college, the financial end was not that bad. But now they say to John, "We helped Alice and look where that got." (Alice isn't my real name.) Good... grief!!! I wonder what his birth-mother would think of these idiots now.

So he has zero reason to be there, except that he doesn't want to lose going to a high school they are paying for because his friends are there, and his friends are one of the few things keeping him going now. The parents threatened most recently that if he screws up one more time, they will take everything away. Computer, the video games he is already grounded off, etc. He has told me, if that happens, he is leaving. He lives about 7 miles from me, he's said he'll walk here if he has to, and there is also a bus that cuts the trip down quite a bit. He's been fed up with them for a long time, but he is scared (he is an abuse victim, we've all been there), and he has also been groomed to be life-skills-crippled by them to keep as much control over him as they can... just like they did with me.

As much as I know he needs to be out of there, it is, in the end, his decision. I have called CPS after the most recent physical abuse (when he told me about the coffee table incident about two years ago) and they did nothing. As far as John knows they didn't even go to the house. If they talked to the parents in any way, neither of us knows... and the adverse way the parents respond to knowing that anyone outside might have the slightest hint that life isn't roses in that house... I think we'd know if CPS had talked to them. John would be suffering for it. My guess is CPS looked at the six figure income and no criminal records and went "next."

Here is where I really need advice: At 15 he's still a minor, and in my state it is not possible to become emancipated at his age except for specific reasons including abuse as near as I can tell off the laws. But until he can prove that abuse and become emancipated, if he were to come stay with me as I have offered for quite some time now, the parents apparently have the right to call the police, have him dragged back home, and I would get some kind of charge (possibly even a felony) involving aiding and abetting a runaway. I have told him he is free to choose to come over anyways and if so I would call the police myself and get advice. Because it is an abuse situation, there might be a grey area where he is legally okay if he is in a location he believes is safe and where he has food and shelter. I am quite happy to have someone from Social Services come here and inspect, and if worst comes to worst I think John can find the courage to stay in foster care even temporarily while I try to get custody or add him to my household (I am on food stamps, permanent disability, and a housing voucher so I'd have to add him to my household anyways). But I don't know the full legal context of what could possibly happen... please, do advise if you can!

It would be financially tight for him to be here, but it can be done and he deserves all the help I can give him. He is brilliant, artistic, creative, and has managed to keep a fairly amazing attitude even with the crap he has been put through (he is also depressed even so, but if he can get to a place where he can heal, he will do wonderfully). He can go to a local public school and continue his education, get counseling/therapy, and live in a supportive environment where he is appreciated for the person he is, not some nonexistent two-faced standard (I never could exactly figure out what the parents expected of me personally, as they were incredibly hypocritical themselves). I did not have the opportunity he has in a safe haven like I am offering him, and I wish I had been given that offer when I was his age. I remember thinking back then that if someone came to the front door and said, "I am going to take you away from all this," even though I wouldn't know who they were, I would only have asked, "Should I put my shoes on first or do I need to start walking now?"

Lastly, I can't talk to the parents. To do so would reward their abuse because they'd get to see me again, and nothing I can say will change them. (I would actually like to thank Tamehau's "We teach people how to treat us" thread for helping me fully realize this even though I was pretty sure of it already.) They have promised and promised they'll get better in the past, admitted they did a bad job parenting, etc. etc. All. Lies. They can't even maintain the same level of abysmal, they have only ever gotten worse. The only solution is to cut them off, as I have. John is ready to do so if he decides to cross the line of leaving. I really wish he would, for his physical safety and mental heath as every new day builds up more and more that will affect him potentially for the rest of his life. I am still dealing with my own issues, but I at least am free of direct influence from the... genetic material providers.