I could write a book explaining my situation but I'll try to cliff note it.

Basically I live with my boyfirned in MY apartment. It was originally supposed to be just me in this apartment but in the beginning our relationship was fine and we figured why not? (it started off as a long distance relationship as I lived out of state for school, then moved back home to a new apartment and he just sort of moved in) He wanted out of his parent place anyways. 3 years later and I'm literally in hell 70% of the time, which is whats making it harded to just break things off because its not ALL the time.

I am 100,000% positive I am in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. My boyfriend has anger issues, any mole hill will become a mountain and it is always MY FAULT. The big issue is, he doesnt think he is wrong, he doesnt think he has an issue he whole-heartedly believes I'm the problem ALL of the time. (becasue when he blows up he can get his opinions out then its just SHUT UP DONT TALK IF YOU TALK ITS YOUR FAULT FOR GETTING ME MAD LET ME GET MY OPINIONS OUT AND YOU SHUT UP) Most of the arguments we have start from just simple misunderstandings, having to repeat himself, minor inconveneicnes, etc. I get yelled at like a child, I get told my way of thinking is "stupid" "retarded" im a "cry baby" (becasue when hes so mean I cant take it anymore like how I used to be able to) and I get told to "shut up" probably every other day. I get SCREAMED at but never get apologies because he does not think he is wrong!!!!! His mood can change soooo quickly.

But things arent always like this. Being in this relationship gives me people to hang out with, cool things to do, etc. Hes nicer to me in public or around friends or on social media, almost like an act. Im literally hanging onto this relathionship because I dont want to live alone, Im scared by breaking up with him Ill be making a huge mistake and Ill end up alone, and lose all these interesting things/people and places I go to because of him. Ill lose the few good moments we have.

But again, it's not ALL the time, but the fact that its been so constant, every week for 3 years, I feel like a broken person. Im not who I used to be, anytime hes nice to me its almost foreign and Ill express that and he just gets madder and blames me for "ruining" a nice moment....Our sex life has suffered becasue I have 0 confidence, his BIGGEST issue is that I dont initiate sex. I try telling him its becuse how twisted things have gotten that when I think of him Im just walking on eggshells and Im scared to make him angry. Which only gets him madder and blame me more for not initiating sex. To him IM the problem. (FYI he's as rotton to his own mother as he is to me at times)

Im a great student who lives on her own, interns, gets great grades, works, I just cant let this go, Im scared Ill be making a mistake. I need motivation to just end this I just cant...