Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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MorningSadness00 11/10/2010

My ex my son's father abused me emotionally and physically and lately ive been extremely frustrated at me one year old. It makes me feel bad. I don't want him climbing on me, I don't even want him near me. I feel like the worse mom ever. He's a trigger towards my PTSD So therefor when I see my son I see his father who abused me. Does that make sense.
Im not sure what to do. I feel emotionally empty towards my son or lots of anger directed at him. He did nothing wrong. And getting mad at him for no reason hurts me more than anything. :( please someone tell me I'm not a bad mom. All I want to do is love my son, but all I see is my ex when I look at him. I need to get pass this I want a good relationship with my son. Help. I'm loosing my mind.

deleted_user 11/10/2010

I been like this. but i made myself sit down and say he is not his daddy. and i made myself face it real hard to. I made my self love my little boy. then one day it just went away and now its okay. just tell yourself that it aint the kid. it was the bum you married. try to seperate it.

MorningSadness00 11/10/2010

Thank you for your response. I have been trying to pretend that he's not my ex's kid just to stop the triggers from coming. :(

Tamehau 11/10/2010

Please don't concentrate on the likeness of you son to his dad. Remember he is just a little boy and had nothing to do with it. Try to look for the traits in yourself when you look at your child. This is something that will need to be addressed immediately. Do not let it get to the point that you neglect him because of his father. Seek help before you child feels that you do not love him. Kids know.

deleted_user 11/10/2010

Just because he's already one year old does not mean you can't have some postpartum depression kicking in too.
A bad mom would not have asked the question and asked for help. You are aware that he is an innocent in this and it shows.
There's a support group for PPD too. I've been there. Hope this link works.......
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Post-Partum-Depression/support-group

I am in no way telling you to go somewhere else. Maybe you can go check it out and see if you relate to what they are talking about there.

IleneW 11/10/2010

You're not a bad mother
but PLEASE see a counselor.

hockeymom5592 11/10/2010

What Ilene said. Please get help. Your son needs you to love him, so he won't turn out like his father. Love him unconditionally. And love yourself too.....

deleted_user 11/10/2010

I struggled with the exact same thing. Children do increase our stress and that increases the PTSD as well.That makes sense.I realized that God made my son and He is his real daddy.He did not ask to be born, God wanted him to be born and to have love, he couldn't help who his dad was.I sometimes resented my son because having him made my life so much harder, sometimes I wished I never had him! But thankfully I was able to make that realization and change my ways.Since you have realized you are doing this, as some would not see it for themselves is awesome, it proves you have what it takes to make this better.This shows you are not losing your mind too.All you need is counseling, maybe some depression medicine.

deleted_user 11/10/2010

If you ever feel it is not safe for your son to be with you, that you may hurt him, please call social services, they won't put you in jail.If you tell them you just can't cope right now, they will take good care of him until you can get better, then you can get him back when you are stronger.You don't sound like you are to that point.Just wanted you to know women can do this, and often do.It is OK to ask for help.No shame.What would be shame is if you never ask for help, that would be shame.

deleted_user 11/10/2010

Do you have any family who could keep him for you if you feel that need?

deleted_user 11/10/2010

Thank you so much for your post! I can relate to what your going through due to my long experience with postpartum depression. It was brave to say how you feel and reach out for help. That is what a good mom would do. I agree with Ilene and Twirlergirl. Counseling would help you to have a good relationship with your son and give him the mother that he needs.

Tamehau 11/11/2010

Here is a great site for teen moms going through having a child with an abusive man. I know you are not a teen now, but its still a great site and you can chat with someone there for help.

www.loveisrespect.org

deleted_user 11/12/2010

hope you are feeling better things for you boy now.

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