Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Counseling was good yesterday. I am seeing where I am stuck with this gentleman in my life. I mean we're talking 15 1/2 months of a relationship where more than half has been off and on, increasingly off (2 months was the length of the last absense since seeing him 2 1/2 wks ago).
I laid it all out during our argument Sunday. It didn't have to be an argument. I told him things I am uncomfortable with and can't handle. Of course he just thinks it is a matter of compromise for me because he is not uncomfortable. I told him I don't see a future for us. I told him it is not healthy for me. He continues to wonder if I will call him anymore or if I am planning to not call him. I told him to not pressure me, I am not feeling too well lately (not quite surrendering to a cold this week) and I am way too busy (full time temporary job and new part time job). Spending my day off with him Sunday was NOT in my best interest. I tell him how things affect me. I learn in counseling though he says he understands he sure doesn't act like it. I tell him I meant what I said. I tell him I don't have energy to deal w/ our problems. I tell him he doesn't hear a word I said. He just doesn't get it. I told him he should have left me alone like I asked him to (2 1/2 months ago). Even if I tell him to leave me alone he really doesn't completely.
It is up to ME to remember these boundaries and limits I have and stop waiting for him to understand and respect them, because he can't/won't. I have to set them. I don't have to call him back if I don't want to. I am so tired of the disrespect. It is not healthy for me to be with this man. He doesn't get it and it is up to me to let that fact go and decide and ACT on what is right for me.
I laid it all out during our argument Sunday. It didn't have to be an argument. I told him things I am uncomfortable with and can't handle. Of course he just thinks it is a matter of compromise for me because he is not uncomfortable. I told him I don't see a future for us. I told him it is not healthy for me. He continues to wonder if I will call him anymore or if I am planning to not call him. I told him to not pressure me, I am not feeling too well lately (not quite surrendering to a cold this week) and I am way too busy (full time temporary job and new part time job). Spending my day off with him Sunday was NOT in my best interest. I tell him how things affect me. I learn in counseling though he says he understands he sure doesn't act like it. I tell him I meant what I said. I tell him I don't have energy to deal w/ our problems. I tell him he doesn't hear a word I said. He just doesn't get it. I told him he should have left me alone like I asked him to (2 1/2 months ago). Even if I tell him to leave me alone he really doesn't completely.
It is up to ME to remember these boundaries and limits I have and stop waiting for him to understand and respect them, because he can't/won't. I have to set them. I don't have to call him back if I don't want to. I am so tired of the disrespect. It is not healthy for me to be with this man. He doesn't get it and it is up to me to let that fact go and decide and ACT on what is right for me.
It can be like an addiction- tough to stop. But it gets easier if you stick to it.
I find it helps to do what we should if our life is full so we are not needy.
I am not clear on acting on my limits. I send mixed messages. I am not always clear myself on the limits I have. It is uncomfortable to get caught up in his reaction and to let go of the hope I had. I think in counseling I learn what the relationship really is, and there is some loss there, because I think I stayed because I thought it was something different. It is very painful to realize the person I invest in does not hear me and even accuses me of not caring for him. I give and give and give and he thinks I don't care. anyway I am not quite out of the cycle of involving him in my understanding. I can't have intimacy alone.
Thanks for support here.