I am new to this group and find myself struggling to share my thoughts and feelings. But here I am, jumping out of my comfort zone, to share my thoughts, feeling and personal experiences through this support group.  I was in an abusive relationship, emotionally, mentally/psychologically and at times physically, for 4 very long years.  When I first met my ex, we were both attending the same undergrad university.  Our relationship began quickly and went downhill just as fast.  I was pregnant within 3 months of us meeting and being together! He presented this façade that made me believe he was perfect (like that’s even possible).  I struggled with what to do but ultimately and un-regretably decided to have our child (THE MOST PERFECT 3 YEAR OLD!!).  Not long after learning I was pregnant was when the abuse began.  The screaming, putdowns, threats and physical abuse (yes, I was pregnant!) occurreed. Aftering quitting the wrestling team and dropping out of school (for the 2nd time), he went from job to job because he “didn’t feel like working.”  Meanwhile, I was pregnant, a full time student and working.  I specially remember the first instance of physical abuse.  I was walking to work on campus, my ex was mad for whatever reason and he followed me to work in his car.  He acted like he was going to hit him with his car and I just remember being so confused and sadden by his actions.  “He loved me and our child, why would he being doing this?” He proceeded to get out of his car, grab me and hold his car key to my throat.  His reasoning?...he gave none. After that incident, we went to speak with a counselor.  The whole time he bullshited his way through to get it over with.  I forgave him thinking it would never happen again.  Boy, was I wrong.  After that point, I don’t remember ever smiling until our daughter was born 8 months later.  My life with him consisted of me being kicked, choked, laughed at, diminished, insulted, controlled and alienated.  He was a depleted athlete who lost multiple college opportunities, an alcoholic and a no self-esteem “man” who felt better about himself by bringing me down.  It wasn’t until he put my best friend and daughter in danger that I had my wake up call.  It was after that situation where I knew I deserved better and needed out.  After many court appearances I was finally able to obtain a POA (unfortunately not for as long as I hoped) and primary custody over our child. This relationship has taught me so much about my character.  He was wrong..I am smart, beautiful, strong and loveable.  It took me a lot of work on myself to get to the point where I am at now in my life.  I find myself laughing, smiling and being happy again!

Looking forward to post again-

 (:

Mal