Your body is your own and we all of us have the right to say no.

My husband used to do what your wife is doing. Not just with sex, either. As soon as he realised I wanted something, he would refuse it or refuse to cooperate with me in getting it. But when he wanted something, woe betide me if I didn't jump to it!

Liv is right. I have got to ask... is your wife's attitude true in other areas as well? Sounds like she could potentially be abusive if she tries to control and deprive you regularly.

Take care...

HELLO JIM, I HAD A SIMILAR SITUATION AND WASTED MY LIFE ON A MAN THAT REALLY NEVER LOVED ME, AS I FOUND OUT HE HAD ANOTHER WOMAN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, AND WENT ON TO CHEAT WITH HER, I NEVER KNEW AND BELIEVED THAT HE LOVED ME BUT FROM THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED HE CHANGED..IT WAS SEX AND NOT MAKING LOVE, AS I BELIEVED, PASSION AND FEELING THE DESIRE, FROM WHAT YOU SAY I SEE H IN YOUR WIFE, SHE WANTS SEX , YOU NEED LOVE, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG**
DOES SHE LOVES YOU OR IS SHE USING YOU.
I AM SO BLESSED TO SEE THAT THERE ARE MAN WITH FEELINGS LIKE YOU, YOU ARE NTO A SEX TOY, YOU NEED TO MAKE LOVE , SEX CAN BE DONE WITH ANYBODY, I FELT LIKE A PROSTITUTE, BUT BECAUSE OF MY UPBRINGING I WAS SO AFRAID , TRIED TO LIVE HIM TWICE BUT LET HIM CONVINCE ME THAT HE WOULD CHANGE, NEVER HAPPEN, BECAUS EHE NEVER LOVED ME AND LIED, HE HAD THIS INVISIBLE TIE WITH THAT WOMAN, I WAS THE HOMEMAKER, NOW I FIND MYSELF CHRONICALLY ILL, WE SHARE THE HOUSE AND HE LOOKS AFTER THINGS, BUT I DESPISE HIM, I WILL NEVER KNOW TRUE LOVE , HE NEVER KISSED ME OR TOUCHED ME, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, BUT WHEN I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM, HE ALWAYS MADE ME AFRAID, IN FRONT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS HE LOOKED LIKE HE LOVED ME ,BUT IT WAS LIKE A BROTHER NOT A LOVER**
THINK ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, WITHOUT LOVE THERE IS NO MARRIAGE, I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN LOVE OR MARRIAGE, BUT THERE ARE MANY THAT HAVE IT ALL..
LOVE L****

My husaband was as Rockin said the same about everything.... If I wanted something (anything) it would be undesirable. If he wanted the same thing at any time.... it was natural and expected that he should have it ---- didn't matter if it was sex, food, an item, an activity.... anything.....

I agree with the others. This sounds like it could be a manipulation tactic. I experience this with my girlfriend all the time. If I'm in the mood, she is too tired, etc. If she is in the mood and I am not, I accused of being passive aggressive, not caring, not loving of her, etc. But in our relationship, I think this is an extension of her personality that tells her her feelings are more important than mine.

I agree with living that your body I'd your own and that everyone has the right to say no (this is perfectly acceptable) but being forced or manipulated or guilt tripped or emotionally blackmailed into having sex is crossing boundaries and is a violation !

Thank you all for your support. I don't feel like this applies to anything other than our sex life, and let me clarify.... I don't feel like she is abusive and I haven't really felt forced per se..... More like it's something I should do, even if I don't necessarily feel like it at first.

Jim -I think it may do you good to talk to her about this, if you haven't already. But be careful - and aware. Both of the abusive relationships I have been in started with something small like this - just negative comments or bad moods or small double standards. But looking back, there were other warning signs as well, and it wasn't just one issue. And both of my abusive girlfriends behaviors towards sex made me feel ashamed of myself, and deeply hurt.

If you sincerely talk to her and say you are hurt, and she dismisses the hurt as your problem to get over - BIG red flag. If she says something like, "I didn't realize that was hurting you - I'm sorry." then maybe you can discuss it further.

My exH used to do the same thing to me. If I would try to initiate, he would push me away and say that I 'scared' him. But if he wanted it, there was no question. Years ago, I would never have called him abusive, but after we split, I could see with clarity the abuse from the very first time we met each other. I would suggest that you look a little deeper now, rather than live to regret it later.

Well thank you again for you advice.... I feel like just having someone acknowledge that there is an issue is already a great step.

I will try and speak with my wife again and see if it helps. I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.