Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So it happened...The day I have been fantasizing about and waiting to happen for about 3 weeks now.
He showed up at my front door last night! He was calm, quiet and very sad. He came to ask why I sent rude e-mails and what I still had against him (or so he said that's why he was there). I let him in but sat far away from him on another sofa.
I told him I would stop the e-mails and I just did it out of anger because i wanted him to hurt as bad as I still was. From there it turned into how strong and beautiful "I" was and he knew I could get through it better than him. He then went on to say that he had been "hurt" in bad ways as a child and he admired that fact that I was getting professional help. I advised him to do the same and he said, "nobody can help me." The conversation dragged on, me crying and shaking trying my hardest not to go over and have him hold me (I felt like I was resisting a drug addiction). He was so nice and open, someone I had not ever seen.
Anyway, I could go on and on but I never gave in, I had to keep telling myself that this was still part of the cycle...am I right? Was he trying to draw me back in or am I a terrible person for not hugging him while he was crying and telling him it would be ok? I told him that I can't help him, for god sakes....I can't even help myself right now! In the end, I told him to leave, no hugs no tough no nothing.
Did I do the right thing?
He showed up at my front door last night! He was calm, quiet and very sad. He came to ask why I sent rude e-mails and what I still had against him (or so he said that's why he was there). I let him in but sat far away from him on another sofa.
I told him I would stop the e-mails and I just did it out of anger because i wanted him to hurt as bad as I still was. From there it turned into how strong and beautiful "I" was and he knew I could get through it better than him. He then went on to say that he had been "hurt" in bad ways as a child and he admired that fact that I was getting professional help. I advised him to do the same and he said, "nobody can help me." The conversation dragged on, me crying and shaking trying my hardest not to go over and have him hold me (I felt like I was resisting a drug addiction). He was so nice and open, someone I had not ever seen.
Anyway, I could go on and on but I never gave in, I had to keep telling myself that this was still part of the cycle...am I right? Was he trying to draw me back in or am I a terrible person for not hugging him while he was crying and telling him it would be ok? I told him that I can't help him, for god sakes....I can't even help myself right now! In the end, I told him to leave, no hugs no tough no nothing.
Did I do the right thing?
The only thing I'd have advised you against
was letting him in at all ----- for the same
reason I'd advise an alcoholic to not socialize
where there's alcohol or a junkie to not chitchat
with the dealer from whom they used to get
their fix.
I'm glad for you that you stayed so strong.
Good for you.
I'd urge you to not let him in, or even chitchat
with him, again.
He actually may not be entirely wrong
when he observed that nobody could help him.
All the more reason to stay far away from him
or even go NO CONTACT.
Because him being so nice and open, is
him being manipulative in an attempt to
recapture you. Next time he may try a
totally different tactic. NO CONTACT
is your best bet.
Take good care.
Good work!
"""""" I feel so awful for how bad he is feeling now.""""""
Did he ever feel badly about hurting You?
Take care and God bless.
Karen
And as Ilene said - was he sorry all the times you cried? Did that make him change his ways?