Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
when I was 16 my grandmothers boyfriend molested me. He tricked me into going into his garage and from there he proceded to grab me and not let go. he felt me all over and I struggled and struggled. I screamed and eventually got away from him. I ran into the house and told my parents what happened. they did nothing. some years later he did the same thing to a cousin of mine. I felt so guilty. for the past year his health has been progressively getting worse. I always felt that he deserved it and that justice was now being served and that he was finally getting what he had coming to him. Yesterday I found out from my mother that he had died and that his funeral will be on friday. she asked me if I wanted to attend and she told me that she would understand if I did not attend. I am not sure if I want to attend or not. half of me does not want to attend because of what he did to me and my cousin. the other half of me wants to attend for the sake of my grandmother and wants to put this behind me because I know now that he will never be able to hurt anyone ever again.
what should I do? I am so confused. Someone please help me.
what should I do? I am so confused. Someone please help me.
Personally I think you should support yourself because going to the funeral is usually to pay respect for the dead.
You can find a way to support your grandmother in the grieving process after the funeral.
Just my thoughts and of course you are the best final judge.
I personal would attend after the furner get together and hug my GrandMother for her well being are stop by deli and put together a lunchon for my Grandmother and myself.
I personal wouldnt go to furnal for 2 reasons 1 I would prob say something out loud as in a far well to sick minded abuser
2 I will not pay respect to such. for the jerk had cause an undertide- current in my family.
My GrandMother would want me to be with My Mother and sibling for her but would understand even if she may are may not agree with my option, yep she would respect me and my choice.
The more that I think of it. I would not pay my resepct and I just might send a wreath of black flowers to grave site w card that read heres llays a jerk who stoled my childhood and turned my childhood dreams into adult child nightmeres.
My family would pressure nor try to persuade me into attending the jerk furnel nor tend visitation - which is paying respect to the person who passed on.
The choise is yours and if absolutly neccersary flip a coin.
Darn my med that causes brain glichs, excuse the spelling.
If you are a believer in God, and in the forgiveness of God and the power of prayer, then I would encourage you to go and to pray for the strength to forgive this sinner in the same way that God wants to forgive you, remembering that, if you hold the prayer "forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE others who trespass against us" as being of God, then being forgiven yourself is measured by the same rule with which you extend forgiveness. Please pardon me if you are not a believer, I am not trying to preach to you to force my beliefs upon you. I simply do not know, but in my world, a funeral is a religious ceremony, so if you aren't a believer then I wouldn't see it as mattering one way or another whether you attend. If you are a Christian, please pray for understanding about how to forgive this person and release him unto his own destiny without letting unforgiveness be an anchor for your own destiny. Understand, too, that forgiveness isn't something that we do as a means of saying that what happened didn't matter or is somehow magically now ok... its a way of releasing yourself from carrying the burden of someone elses evil in your own life. If you desire this sort of liberation and would like to talk more about how to get from here to there, feel free to contact me privately. In my own power, I could never have forgiven the man who molested me, or the man who tried twice to rape me... but God freed me from the weight of their sins and gave me victory and liberation, and I sincerely believe that He wants to do the same for you. If you find that you can't bring yourself to go to the funeral, and yet you do want to still reach out to God for help in forgiving this sinner, and for praying for this mans soul, it wouldn't be inappropriate to do so privately. I hear you when you say that you feel he got what he had coming to him... but darling, so don't we all... and when your time comes, while your own offenses may not be so blatant or grave, I'm sure that you would still hope that the people that you hurt in this life would pray for your soul to receive the Grace of Gods loving forgiveness rather than to bid you rot in hell. If you crave for this man to rot, the thing that will truly rot is your own life, I don't mean in a sense of eternity, I mean the very days of your life will be only a shadow of what they could be if you let what this man did to you be a bitter root in your heart, and in that state, you will never be out from under the burden of his wicked influence.
I actually lived almost the same experience, except that my first molester was a member of the family, and I didn't immediately tell. But when I did tell, my family also did nothing. I realized over time that I wasn't only upset with this mans offense, but also I was even MORE hurt by the fact that my parents could turn a blind eye. I had to forgive them, too.
I am sorry this man hurt you. I hope that you are able to release the pain to the One who is the only Source of Peace. I will pray for you.
nobody would blame you though for not going, I feel you should do whats right for you and nobody else even a relative.
god bless you
I personally have been in this same senario and i'm not saying that is was easy, but i did go. i went to hold my Fathers hand and made my focus on him. He needed me to be there and when he looked at me and said that he knew it was difficult, but he wanted to thank me, it was all worth it. Although sitting through the sermon about his life was hard to hear, i just kept thinking that he can't hurt me anymore and even though what he did was bad, he was still a brother, a father and a son, who just made bad choices and although my relationship with him was obviously not good, who am i to judge the relationship my dad and him may have shared. I mean there was alot of years shared with alot of people before i was born. And i look at it like, we all have to be in uncomfortable situation in life and sometimes we have to do what we don't want to. It's kinda like if you had a child and your childs father was horrible to you, but your child felt the need to say goodbye, even though i deffinately wouldn't be there for him, i would be there to help my child through it. Anyways that's just one opinion. I liked some of the other suggestions though. If you don't want to go to the actual funeral, you could make sure you're there for your Grandma after!I guess the point is, that you're grandma knows that you care, and you don't necessarily have to go to show that. everyone's diffeerent!
You would have to be strong on the day tho, as at funerals they generally say all good things about the recently departed, and you would not be thinking good things about him i know.
I wish you luck