I was married for 8 years to a man who told me that if any one hurt me or our children he would kill them. In the meantime I was busy making life as comfortable for my children and I. I cooked, I cleaned I made sure the children brushed there teeth, and went to bed early and got as much attention as they could get from a mother who loved them. I made sure that we all knew who was the king of the castle, because that was the way I was raised. So I wanted my children to have respect for the man of the house. We all doted on this man from the time he woke up until he went to bed. To make things more manageable for us, I also gave him my checkbook to take care of our bills, so that we wouldn't argue clear into the night. That would keep the kids awake and they never ate when we got into those kinds of arguments. Sometimes they wouldn't even get to go to the bathroom until the next morning because he said they had to stay in there room until we were done arguing. which would sometimes end when it was time for him to go to work. He would tell me we weren't going to quit this discussion until we came to an agreement. I would start out by hollering, then I would give him the silent treatment, I would try rationality, I would cry, beg, plead for him to stop arguing with me. He never gave in.
He never laid a hand on me, but if I "got in trouble" or "was a bad wife" then he found a way of torturing me, Once he got home and said, "I will cook for you" I was so happy that I finally got a break! When we sat down to eat, he put so much hot chili in our food that my children were crying. I tried to make him take the food back so I could lessen the hot food, and he said "no, this is so you'll remember never to disobey me again"
When my daughter was about 9 years old, I found a pair of panties in the laundry with blood stains on them, and i was so horrified the first person I turned to was my husband. Who would do this to my baby. She was his step-daughter, and he should go and get who ever was doing this to her. I asked her, "who did this to you" She just put her head down and said no one. I left it at that and went on making our life bearable.
When she turned eleven, her cousin passed away. She felt abandoned and scared and finally disclosed that my husband the one who should have been protecting us, was molesting her. I immediately took steps to put him in prison and we went to a safe house.
Our family still suffers alot from the abuse we went through. But we have moved forward, and I am now reaching out to people so that I can gain some understanding into what we went through. I love my children, and I want to help them through this time. So that is my story. We have been survivors for 6 years. He will be getting a notification from the state in about 3 years. He will be getting out of prison.