Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
for the past four years i have lived with an abusive mother with a pharmisutical drug addiction. this last christmas my dad decided that he had had enough and was going to leave her. but she all of the sudden decided that she wanted to change and has been clean ever since. its good and i am proud of her for doing it but i still have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that it will end up going bad and she'll start using again and abusing me and my lil bro and sis again. i really don't care what happens to me anymore its just i am way worried bout my lil bro and sis. for the past four years i have been like a mom to them. im the one who makes sure that they're tucked in bed at night and is up the second that they need something im the one who makes sure that they have clothes for school and makes surt that there is dinner on the table everynight. so i my main concern is them. i just don't know if i can ever trust her again.
God Bless Deb
I parented my younger brother and sister so I know what you mean. My father opted out basically, coming home only to sleep. But my mother was mentally ill and yours has an addiction so there is obvious hope for your mom considering how well she has been doing.
But, like a lot of things, trying to recover, speaking of your Mom, doesn't come with guarantees. Nothing comes with guarantees. We don't know what will happen in the next moment. We could wake up dead. I am wondering why you are so bothered NOW about the fact that your Mom could slip back. I don't think this just has to do with her, which is why I suggested alateen as it is actually a growth program for the youngish children of the addict.
Are you having issues with your life now? It is tough being a teen. I found it very tough indeed.
And I don't think it is an adequate focus to see an addict just under the umbrella of abuse. The main problem is the addiction. Of course there may well be other serious issues going on for your mom that you know nothing about. You are looking at this from your point of view and that of your bro and sis, as victims, and that is understandable but it is also not a big enough viewpoint. Your mother is not necessarily an "abuser" at all. There is a difference. But I am not saying she hasn't abused you as obviously she has. But I suggest that the abuse may come from the addiction and that therefore you are BLAMING her unfairly for abusing you. Blame is very different from seeing who did what.
It might help you to join an addiction community here on DS.
You may misunderstand what I just said and think I don't understand or sympathise, but I hope not. I had to say it as I wonder if you "trust" issue is actually hooked onto blame, resentment and unforgiveness that you need to let go of.
And maybe you could benefit from seeing a therapist to teach you some techniques of cognitive behavior therapy (we all need them). Buddhism also teaches them, in its own way.
We are all imperfect human being who make mistakes and can't cope in ways. Unfortunately becoming a mother does not come with a gift to the mother of unlimited strength, wisdom, patience, resillience and all the rest.
I suggest you could help your mother, bro and sis and family be happy by being the best you that you can and by being a good daughter to your mother. A lot of being a good daughter is actually just behaving kindly, helpfully and decently.
Good luck.