Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was here nearly a year before I finally left the emotionally abusive ex. It took many breakups. It has been nearly 5 months, but there was some contact up until 2 months ago when I finally started deleting his msgs instead of listening, removed text msg feature, and refuse contact. It is hard and I am still suffering from the abuse. Counseling helps, coming here has been supportive. I have found myself going on dates with a few new men, one at a time, each time feeling not ready, but currently going ahead with this guy. They have been nonsexual which I am grateful for. I am pretty lonely and isolated. I attend 12 step meetings daily for my own recovery but I do not have a lot of close friends I reach out to, so I am vulnerable.
I am dealing with second guessing myself and letting myself be treated in a way that I would not identify as abuse, but is a bit controlling and nonsupportive. I am not listened to or heard. I feel like a little bit of feeling superficial as in I don't think this person's communication is very good as far as getting to know me as a person. What is weird is he was aquainted with my ex and was telling me this and that about him, and I would say I don't want to hear it, but it contined after that with me just repeating it.
What I am seeing is my self esteem is affected by settling for someone who, though nobody's perfect, leaves me with hurt feelings. He can be unintentionally insensitive and inconsiderate. Of course he has good qualities, too.
I am dealing with second guessing myself and letting myself be treated in a way that I would not identify as abuse, but is a bit controlling and nonsupportive. I am not listened to or heard. I feel like a little bit of feeling superficial as in I don't think this person's communication is very good as far as getting to know me as a person. What is weird is he was aquainted with my ex and was telling me this and that about him, and I would say I don't want to hear it, but it contined after that with me just repeating it.
What I am seeing is my self esteem is affected by settling for someone who, though nobody's perfect, leaves me with hurt feelings. He can be unintentionally insensitive and inconsiderate. Of course he has good qualities, too.
You deserve to be with someone who absolutely loves and adores you for who you are. I say these words to you and could just as easily be saying them to myself.
Congrats for getting out of your abusive marriage, and hugs to you for your pain.
After an abusive relationship its hard to guess at 'what normal is'..and some things might feel all wrong, but we can't be sure...
Take loads of time, add it all up, and make no promises..If you have any sense that you're 'settling...and that hes not 'listening'..and that hes 'a bit controlling and nonsupportive. I am not listened to or heard.' its definitely time to take a step back..and go at your pace, with eyes wide open. None of those things sound right. And you really only deserve the best..next time in a relationship..
I know its hard when you're feeling like company, and can feel lonely..but think about your gut instincts, they are guiding you towards what you truly deserve..and its also what you deserve, to follow them..
I agree with the great advice you've been given. I finally ended things with an abusive ex-bf and wow, he is unbelievable - his attempts at trying to hurt me. Only problem is he isn't. Everytime he knocks me down, or says things like my girlfriends warned him about me (lies), I say a little prayer for him.
I see him as having a sickness but that's his baby to deal with.....not mine. Please please please NEVER second guess yourself. We are all vulnerable at times....come here to remain strong. Seek counseling to remain strong. Strength in numbers!!!
Thanks again for the helpful and supportive feedback. I need to stay close to remain strong because I recognize my vulnerability, which is what lead my to settle for my ex - loneliness and isolation and feeling low about myself.