Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Okay so I'm 16 and obviously still in my mother's custody. I'm gonna try to keep this backstory a bit short so you're not reading until the next year.
My father left when I was 3 and my sister was 8, mom always told us he was an alcoholic who chose the alcohol over us. Of course, I believed her. My sister began acting out when she was around my age (running away, sneaking out, etc) and my mom always said it was because dad left. It made sense at the time, like yeah, she was closer to him because she was older. I was still quite young when my sister called social services and tried to get them involved, I didn't know for what. My mom continuously told me a bunch of bs and still, I believed it. It wasn't until around last Christmas that I realized I had been emotionally abused my entire life. My mom gets triggered by literally the tiniest things, and just goes OFF. On Christmas eve she came into the house and I was on my laptop, (her bday is on Christmas) and said "It's my birthday I'm officially 50" and I said jokingly "congrats happy" but she shut the door before I could finish. She comes in 10 minutes later, throwing the dirty laundry all over my room and yanking on my laptop cord, it would have flown if I hadn't been holding into it. Then she keeps calling me a "stupid little bitch" and I'm sitting there like what?? And then she comes back in, takes half my shit, calls me a bitch a few more times, then says "wow you couldn't wish me a happy birthday?". Another time, which was recently, we were talking about my sister and how my mom thinks she's bipolar. I was like, no she just has anger issues, not bipolar disorder. Then she started going off saying "how the fuck would you know i lived with a bipolar man for 15 years" then proceeded to say that she fucking hates me, etc. Stuff like this has happened a lot. And before Christmas eve, I didn't even realize it was emotional abuse. I always thought it was my fault, but now I know it's not. And then I recently asked my dad if he left because of it and he said yes that he "lost my kids, job, and house because of her". And just wow. I have been lied to my entire life, about my entire life. After Christmas I got in contact with my sister who lived in Colorado at the time, and she said yeah social services won't do anything for you, I already tried when I was your age. And then it all made sense, all the times she was acting out.
Anyways, she wanted me to fly out there (aka run away) to get away, since the system is too fucked. I was scared, but willing to do it. This was in February. Then she called me and said she was coming back to cali. I then talked to this older man who went through the same exact thing I am, but he went to halfway houses, social services, etc. Everything he told me was extremely discouraging because it only proves that the system will not help me. Especially because emotional abuse is hard to prove versus physical abuse. So in the end, I will not be moving in with my sister nor contacting social services. But I want to go to therapy because I have mental health issues due to the emotional abuse. But since I'm still in my mother's custody, I know if I tell them I'm being emotionally abused they are going to take action, most likely. I'm moving to germany in about a year in a half, I will be 18 next july, but I really want therapy now. I want to get at least a little bit better before taking off to a new country, then continue therapy over there. I'm just stuck.
And also, I'm extremely emotionally deattached from my mother. If she died, I probably wouldn't cry. I have no love for her, at all. Eventually I want to erase her from my mind and no longer consider her my mother.
My father left when I was 3 and my sister was 8, mom always told us he was an alcoholic who chose the alcohol over us. Of course, I believed her. My sister began acting out when she was around my age (running away, sneaking out, etc) and my mom always said it was because dad left. It made sense at the time, like yeah, she was closer to him because she was older. I was still quite young when my sister called social services and tried to get them involved, I didn't know for what. My mom continuously told me a bunch of bs and still, I believed it. It wasn't until around last Christmas that I realized I had been emotionally abused my entire life. My mom gets triggered by literally the tiniest things, and just goes OFF. On Christmas eve she came into the house and I was on my laptop, (her bday is on Christmas) and said "It's my birthday I'm officially 50" and I said jokingly "congrats happy" but she shut the door before I could finish. She comes in 10 minutes later, throwing the dirty laundry all over my room and yanking on my laptop cord, it would have flown if I hadn't been holding into it. Then she keeps calling me a "stupid little bitch" and I'm sitting there like what?? And then she comes back in, takes half my shit, calls me a bitch a few more times, then says "wow you couldn't wish me a happy birthday?". Another time, which was recently, we were talking about my sister and how my mom thinks she's bipolar. I was like, no she just has anger issues, not bipolar disorder. Then she started going off saying "how the fuck would you know i lived with a bipolar man for 15 years" then proceeded to say that she fucking hates me, etc. Stuff like this has happened a lot. And before Christmas eve, I didn't even realize it was emotional abuse. I always thought it was my fault, but now I know it's not. And then I recently asked my dad if he left because of it and he said yes that he "lost my kids, job, and house because of her". And just wow. I have been lied to my entire life, about my entire life. After Christmas I got in contact with my sister who lived in Colorado at the time, and she said yeah social services won't do anything for you, I already tried when I was your age. And then it all made sense, all the times she was acting out.
Anyways, she wanted me to fly out there (aka run away) to get away, since the system is too fucked. I was scared, but willing to do it. This was in February. Then she called me and said she was coming back to cali. I then talked to this older man who went through the same exact thing I am, but he went to halfway houses, social services, etc. Everything he told me was extremely discouraging because it only proves that the system will not help me. Especially because emotional abuse is hard to prove versus physical abuse. So in the end, I will not be moving in with my sister nor contacting social services. But I want to go to therapy because I have mental health issues due to the emotional abuse. But since I'm still in my mother's custody, I know if I tell them I'm being emotionally abused they are going to take action, most likely. I'm moving to germany in about a year in a half, I will be 18 next july, but I really want therapy now. I want to get at least a little bit better before taking off to a new country, then continue therapy over there. I'm just stuck.
And also, I'm extremely emotionally deattached from my mother. If she died, I probably wouldn't cry. I have no love for her, at all. Eventually I want to erase her from my mind and no longer consider her my mother.
Looking back on everything and at what I know now as an adult I suggest secretly documenting the abuse.
If you are able to, buy a small discreet audio recording device that you can keep hidden on yourself and can discreetly turn on the recorder without your mother noticing. If you can't get one then the next best thing would be to use an audio recording program on your laptop (if it has a built in or attached microphone) and use that to record the abuse.
Document the date and time each incident occurred at and store it with the corresponding recordings. If you upload/save the audio recordings to a computer it should save the date and time each file was created, making this task easier. This makes it harder for anyone to argue that the evidence only came from "a few isolated incidents".
Be sure to keep the collected evidence and audio recording tools hidden from her though. Then just save up as much evidence as you can for a while. Also, keep back up copies stored someplace like a thumbdrive so you don't lose the evidence.
Make sure you have plenty of incidents of abuse recorded, like maybe at least 10 and preferably covering at least a month or two. This will help show that the abuse has been going on for a while.
Finally, with all that evidence go to a school counsellor, tell them about the abuse and show them a copy of all the evidence. They should be legally required (if I'm not mistaken) to report it to the proper authorities.
I'm sorry for what
you've gone through.
I urge you to talk to
someone at your school.
The system is far from
perfect but it's there to
attempt to protect you
from being abused.
(And emotional abuse
of children IS taken
very seriously.)
Regarding moving
to Germany. Do you
have relatives there?
What is there that is
inclining you to want
to leave the U.S.?
For the record, my
mother was both
emotionally and
physically abusive.
I'm a grown woman
now. . . . . pretty old,
actually, from your
perspective. But I
understand a whole
bunch more about
how to get healthy
and live a happy life,
than I did back when
I was being abused.
Please reach out to
someone "on the
ground" where you
are. There are people
in positions of "authority"
who can provide you
both protection and
assistance.
Take good care.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
better days ahead.