Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi All....
It's been months since I have been on here. I've left him several times and always gone back, though I am seeing a wonderful therapist and have been feeling much stronger.
For the past several months the verbal abuse has not been as bad but recently it has spiked again..Although, it could be that I have been in denial again, hoping these bursts were just arguments that all couples have. His brother's girlfriend says they are just "MOODY" and arguing is healthy and she's become used to it. I have to disagree, as every argument we get into, I am left flustered, frustrated, and bewildered wondering what just happened. I even started recording our arguments because I am left so confused after. If I am questioning my own judgment that much, something is obviously wrong.
Our most recent argument was ridiculous and seems insane that one person could get so enraged by something so minuscule.
Our conversation started off pleasant and funny.
We were discussing flatulence and I was simply saying how eventually if a couple is together long enough, obviously its going to happen from time to time. He argued that if I did that in front of him, i would , "Bridge the gap between lovers and friends" and if I did that in front of him, he "might as well be dating a dude." I disagreed, saying its only natural and how could I ever feel completely comfortable with someone if I was scared of farting on front of him. He started to get angry and and said I was making a big deal out of it and he wanted a "lady" and a "southern belle" and why could I not do this one thing he asked of me. The argument further escalated into him screaming at me at the top of his lungs, slamming doors since how if I felt so strongly about it, I could go fart on someone else because he didn't want to "fuck a dude". And eventually, I got a "fuck you" and if I wanted to be treated like a dude, "that's how dudes talk to each other and they also punch each other in the face". He also kept calling me "Megan", his ex's name, because she also farted on him and how her and I were exactly alike.I said, he was mean and being a jerk. He said, "sorry, I'm such a jerk because I don't want to be farted on". I said, you're mean because the way you've treated me the past hour for a dumb conversation and I don't want to be treated like this. He said, "I treat you how you act."
Anyway...long story short..I felt crazy, wondering if this ridiculousness was my fault. Should I just have let it go and agreed with him because it was so stupid? I should of just said, "ok, whatever..I don't care" but why am I not allowed to even express my opinion without feeling like he's gonna blow a gasket? And i wasn't making a big deal about it, I was just disagreeing..
Anyway, he apologized the next day saying he was drunk and ashamed of what he said..and how stupid it was. But...I know it will happen again..probably over something even more silly.
He's still abusive and he always will be..Am I right? It's not just me? I feel crazy even though I know I'm not...
It's been months since I have been on here. I've left him several times and always gone back, though I am seeing a wonderful therapist and have been feeling much stronger.
For the past several months the verbal abuse has not been as bad but recently it has spiked again..Although, it could be that I have been in denial again, hoping these bursts were just arguments that all couples have. His brother's girlfriend says they are just "MOODY" and arguing is healthy and she's become used to it. I have to disagree, as every argument we get into, I am left flustered, frustrated, and bewildered wondering what just happened. I even started recording our arguments because I am left so confused after. If I am questioning my own judgment that much, something is obviously wrong.
Our most recent argument was ridiculous and seems insane that one person could get so enraged by something so minuscule.
Our conversation started off pleasant and funny.
We were discussing flatulence and I was simply saying how eventually if a couple is together long enough, obviously its going to happen from time to time. He argued that if I did that in front of him, i would , "Bridge the gap between lovers and friends" and if I did that in front of him, he "might as well be dating a dude." I disagreed, saying its only natural and how could I ever feel completely comfortable with someone if I was scared of farting on front of him. He started to get angry and and said I was making a big deal out of it and he wanted a "lady" and a "southern belle" and why could I not do this one thing he asked of me. The argument further escalated into him screaming at me at the top of his lungs, slamming doors since how if I felt so strongly about it, I could go fart on someone else because he didn't want to "fuck a dude". And eventually, I got a "fuck you" and if I wanted to be treated like a dude, "that's how dudes talk to each other and they also punch each other in the face". He also kept calling me "Megan", his ex's name, because she also farted on him and how her and I were exactly alike.I said, he was mean and being a jerk. He said, "sorry, I'm such a jerk because I don't want to be farted on". I said, you're mean because the way you've treated me the past hour for a dumb conversation and I don't want to be treated like this. He said, "I treat you how you act."
Anyway...long story short..I felt crazy, wondering if this ridiculousness was my fault. Should I just have let it go and agreed with him because it was so stupid? I should of just said, "ok, whatever..I don't care" but why am I not allowed to even express my opinion without feeling like he's gonna blow a gasket? And i wasn't making a big deal about it, I was just disagreeing..
Anyway, he apologized the next day saying he was drunk and ashamed of what he said..and how stupid it was. But...I know it will happen again..probably over something even more silly.
He's still abusive and he always will be..Am I right? It's not just me? I feel crazy even though I know I'm not...
It is not you, he is trying to make you think you are crazy. Realising this has been a massive step for me in recognising his abuse and in starting to detach from him and his control.
Hugs to you
Keep on seeing the
therapist and getting
stronger.
Take good care.
Hugs and healing thoughts.
just from reading what you wrote about this conversation:
-you never said that you were going to fart ON him. you just talked about how it's liable that you guys will be passing gas in each others company if you spend time together.
so right there, he's twisting your words, making them sound worse, as if you're going to barrel into him, pin him to the ground and aim right in his face or something.
-he wants a 'southern belle' (something that doesn't really exist. he might as well be saying that he wants a Barbie, or a blowup doll).
-he mentions 'punching you in the face' since you're being 'such a dude'.
all of this is verbal abuse.
all of it.
No, dudes don't also punch each other in the face. Punching someone in the face is assault and threatening to do so is a crime. People who actually do it go to jail.
I'm sorry lostgirl, he's a really bad one. You aren't crazy and he isn't "just moody." He's an abusive asshole who has done his best to convince you that his behaviour is acceptable and normal. No doubt his brother is doing the same to his girlfriend.
The next step is up to you. Are you going to keep putting up with something that will never get better?
And not all incidents of emotional abuse feature such explicit incidents like saying "fuck you" and talking about punching you in the face.
So it's likely that he's been emotionally abusing you in other ways that are less explicit...
And I think it's funny about "bridging the gap between lovers and friend." Um...isn't your lover ALSO your friend? One would hope so.
I don't believe in revenge, but if he got locked in a room full of flatulent women, I would have to laugh.
I took a young lady out to a movie on sunday. We had to wait for an hour and a half before the movie started, so we hung outside on a patio that had this plush chairs/sofas. As we sat there with our feet up - SHE FARTED! and not only that, she did that "ahhh!" noise afterwards like kids do. So what did I do? I smiled and giggled.
Your boyfriend sounds like a friend of mine, who claims to have broken up with a woman for stinking up the bathroom too bad.
He went to his mums to borrow some money from her and i waited in the car. As i was waiting in the car(and heavely pregnant might i add), i was thinking to myself about how i hated borrwing money off my mother.
When he got back to the car i said my pondering thoughts out loud - i said, "do you not hate lending money off you mum because..."
And litteraly before i could say another word he went mental.
"what do you mean by that? what are you trying to say? your just trying to make me feel guilty over borrowing money" and he went on and on.
of course i was trying to reason with him telling him i did not understand what was going on and i really really did not mean to offend him in anyway. He said that i knew what i had done, in other words i was just trying to act innocent and then he said "its a good job you are pregnant, its a good your not a man and its a good job you are who you are because i wont take this crap of noone else other than you."
Truth is that i did not give him crap at all, he blew up over nothing and twisted it to make it look as though he was the victim of me.
I felt exactly the same as u do now, for a long time. I was so confused and lost reality.
But that is the whole point of why abusers do this - they want you to loose reality.
And yes, as you read my response and ask yourself "is he an abuser or is it me?" The answer is yes, HE IS AN ABUSER!