Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
While I visit this site every day, it's been some time since I posted. I have a question for anyone who might have some experience or understanding...
I am in the middle of divorce. My (ex)husband filed Nov 2013. But here it is almost nine months later and he refuses to turn in his discovery papers. He should have handed those over in March! My lawyer kept sending him letters requesting them, and of course every time she reaches out to him, I get charged. Last week she tells me his lawyer is no longer representing him. We don't know why. There is no word of another lawyer.
My lawyer and I believe he thought this would be an uncontested divorce and he would get his kids and his divorce and it would be over quickly, but I contested it and requested custody of the kids, and it cost him more than he expected. We also think he wants to protect his image and is afraid of any consequences.
But we could just settle, and not draw this out. After over a year of separation and working on my life, I actually don't care what all else he has done. I actually didn't even want alimony or anything else from him, but I decided to ask for money temporarily, to help us along for a few months. And since we aren't together anymore, he shouldn't worry about what I think of any other affairs or whatever, right? He didn't seem to care about what the affairs did to me while I was living with him!
He gets to talk to and text the kids, and he gets time with them, so he and I do communicate, though it's only about the kids.
But I am not understanding why a man who has a history of infidelity, had repeatedly for almost four years told me to basically abandon him and the kids, who was determined for the marriage to fail (in my opinion), who was the one who filed for divorce after I left with our children due to his abuse, would hold out on the discovery papers! As a matter of fact, not respond to anything relating to the divorce for the past several months now!
Is it just more manipulation, is he trying to hide more than I thought was going on with him, does he just not want to report his income, I mean, what?? Is he just waiting for me to maybe run out of money or something? Our court date isn't until Sept. but if we can settle, it would save us both the aggravation. What gives??
Am I too concerned??
I am in the middle of divorce. My (ex)husband filed Nov 2013. But here it is almost nine months later and he refuses to turn in his discovery papers. He should have handed those over in March! My lawyer kept sending him letters requesting them, and of course every time she reaches out to him, I get charged. Last week she tells me his lawyer is no longer representing him. We don't know why. There is no word of another lawyer.
My lawyer and I believe he thought this would be an uncontested divorce and he would get his kids and his divorce and it would be over quickly, but I contested it and requested custody of the kids, and it cost him more than he expected. We also think he wants to protect his image and is afraid of any consequences.
But we could just settle, and not draw this out. After over a year of separation and working on my life, I actually don't care what all else he has done. I actually didn't even want alimony or anything else from him, but I decided to ask for money temporarily, to help us along for a few months. And since we aren't together anymore, he shouldn't worry about what I think of any other affairs or whatever, right? He didn't seem to care about what the affairs did to me while I was living with him!
He gets to talk to and text the kids, and he gets time with them, so he and I do communicate, though it's only about the kids.
But I am not understanding why a man who has a history of infidelity, had repeatedly for almost four years told me to basically abandon him and the kids, who was determined for the marriage to fail (in my opinion), who was the one who filed for divorce after I left with our children due to his abuse, would hold out on the discovery papers! As a matter of fact, not respond to anything relating to the divorce for the past several months now!
Is it just more manipulation, is he trying to hide more than I thought was going on with him, does he just not want to report his income, I mean, what?? Is he just waiting for me to maybe run out of money or something? Our court date isn't until Sept. but if we can settle, it would save us both the aggravation. What gives??
Am I too concerned??
I can't help but wonder if the lawyer fired him since he's being so difficult, IDK. I would bet that the chances of him settling before the hearing are probably slim to none. Sadly, that's just the way of the abuser.
If it were me, I would make sure the judge knows that all of the delays and the lack of settlement is because of the stbx. I would also provide documented history of his abuse. That can be in the form of a journal, police reports, eye witness statements, etc. The more detailed the better, esp w/date & time.
I hope the judge finds in favor of you and your kids! Please keep us posted.
feel concerned.
He's an abuser
doin' his thing.
MTC gave you some
good observations.
Don't expect anything
good or reasonable
from him. (He's an
abuser doin' his thing.)
He's not interested in
saving you any aggravation.
And yes, he may well
be trying to avoid
reporting his income.
(It wouldn't be outrageous
to imagine that he's sending
out marital funds that he
doesn't want to report,
to someone outside
the marriage. (In
many states, that's
illegal, while a divorce
is in process.)
Just my opinion but,
if you'reentitled to
getting alimony,
why not take
what you're
entitled to.
When he married
you, he promised
to cherish and take
care of you. Instead,
he betrayed and abused
you. Let him take the
consequences of
his breaking his vows.
(Just my opinion.)
Take good care
Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
Why has this dragged on, that doesn't even sound like it's legal. Is there not a time stipulation on any of these documents? Down here in Texas if it's uncontested, it takes about 90 days and your divorced. You don't even have to be present if it's uncontested, we are a no fault state.
But since you said yours is contested that can take about 2 years or so, according to the laws here. I'm not a lawyer or don't know anything about your situation but I was just giving my little feedback, maybe give you some new information that you never thought of.
The biggest mistake he can make or anyone can make is to think that ignoring it, will make it go away. I'd call the courts and possibly ask them questions.
What does your lawyer say?