Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello all:
I have been here a bunch but not in a little while. I have something that is bugging me and need some help. My wife and I have been married for 15 years. Hot and cold of course from abuse. She has gotten better lately and knows she is on a short leash.
Seven years ago my father passed away and left me some money. Not alot but about enough to live on for 6 months. Wife and I were fighting at the time so this was my chance to run. I moved 1200 miles away and tried to find a job and start a new life. I had some friends out of state.
I wasnt able to find a job and had to move back after 6-9 months. I was commuting back and forth alot. During this time my wife was horribly abusive and was threatening me daily. She said she was going to take 1/2 my dads money. Now you have to understand she was horrible to my parents and she would not have gotten a nickel of my dads money over my dead bodyy. No way in hell.
So I managed to blow thru the money pretty quick. She threatened to throw my belongings out when I was 1200 miles away. I had to fly home. So the expenses added up. She said the most horrible things when I was away.
Today we are back together and doing ok. Her abuse has mostly stopped and if she starts I stop her and tell her no and she stops. We have had arguments and she says I blew the money to which my repsonse is that she drove me away from abuse and then abused me while I was gone. Funny, she doesnt remember this. I mention specific remarks she made and she doesnt "remember" I know she will never acknowledge or apologize for her behavior. I know that.
While I have done my best to put this regret behind me it still creeps up occasionally. It would have been nice to have that emergency fund. How do I get past this and move on? I have rebuilt some of my savings but I dont want to live with regret. Any advice or anyone have a similar story?
Thanks
Martin
I have been here a bunch but not in a little while. I have something that is bugging me and need some help. My wife and I have been married for 15 years. Hot and cold of course from abuse. She has gotten better lately and knows she is on a short leash.
Seven years ago my father passed away and left me some money. Not alot but about enough to live on for 6 months. Wife and I were fighting at the time so this was my chance to run. I moved 1200 miles away and tried to find a job and start a new life. I had some friends out of state.
I wasnt able to find a job and had to move back after 6-9 months. I was commuting back and forth alot. During this time my wife was horribly abusive and was threatening me daily. She said she was going to take 1/2 my dads money. Now you have to understand she was horrible to my parents and she would not have gotten a nickel of my dads money over my dead bodyy. No way in hell.
So I managed to blow thru the money pretty quick. She threatened to throw my belongings out when I was 1200 miles away. I had to fly home. So the expenses added up. She said the most horrible things when I was away.
Today we are back together and doing ok. Her abuse has mostly stopped and if she starts I stop her and tell her no and she stops. We have had arguments and she says I blew the money to which my repsonse is that she drove me away from abuse and then abused me while I was gone. Funny, she doesnt remember this. I mention specific remarks she made and she doesnt "remember" I know she will never acknowledge or apologize for her behavior. I know that.
While I have done my best to put this regret behind me it still creeps up occasionally. It would have been nice to have that emergency fund. How do I get past this and move on? I have rebuilt some of my savings but I dont want to live with regret. Any advice or anyone have a similar story?
Thanks
Martin
I hope you don't mind me asking, do you want to stay married to your wife or is it because you cannot afford to move out right now? I could not understand it from your post.
Thanks for your reply. The honest answer is I don't lnow if I want to stay married. She has been non-abusive for 9 months. But we all know that may not last.
For now, we are sharing bills and I am saving money like crazy in case I do get divorced. So for now it is working.
My main question was how do I get over the regret of losing my savings and also deal with her not admitting to any fault in the situation.
Thanks
You are with one leg in and one leg out of the situation and this uncertainty is damaging for both of you, I believe. If you want to work on your marriage then maybe her not willing to admit that she has fault in this is something worth working on, if you want out then it's another reason to leave.
Once you sort this and have a plan the regret over the lost savings will disappear I believe.
This is only how I see it from what you wrote.
I would imagine that time and if you are fortunate enough to rebuild savings will help you recover mentally from losing your money.
Thanks to all for your replies. I am feeling better now. I am prettygood about living in the present and thats allI can do. Cant change the past.
Sidi- You are right it is hard to live with one foot in and one foot out the door. Talk about waiting for the other shoe to fall.There is no work needed on our marraige. Either she stops abusing or its over. Thank you for your input.
Elena- Thanks. I think time will cure all. I am rebuilding my savings so each day it gets al ittle easier right? Just drives me nuts she wont accept blame when she told me she was throwing my stuff in the front yard and I had to spend $1000 to fly home to protect my belongings. amAmongst many other things
MStill- I am so sorry you had to go thru this and waste money on this guy. I know how you feel.Amazing all the different ways abusers affect us, even financially. I hope things get better for you.
Martin