Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Getting nervous but trying to just live in the moment so I don't panic.
Monday is our divorce mediation. He is so matter of fact and has already bought his own vacume and talked to me this morning about after Monday we will start going through things and set his things aside.
I am so grateful for the moment that I am in a good place mentally and emotionally. I am really beginning to accept that he is not changing, doesn't want to change and that I no longer want to change who I am or what I believe (non superficial/materialistic lifestyle) and I am ok with it. FOR NOW.....
I pray that I keep this strength and keep on living in the moment until we can get past Monday at least before any waves of emotions hit, which I am praying don't. I really hope all the emotions I have been having over the last several weeks and months is it. I know, I know, fat chance, but I can dream can't I? lol
Anyway, thank you all for your continued support and encouragement and I just want to warn you all ahead of time, I may really need you all next week and want to thank you in advance for putting up with any broken record I may become.
Praying for no more self soubt, second guessing and what if's.
Hugs everyone!!!
Monday is our divorce mediation. He is so matter of fact and has already bought his own vacume and talked to me this morning about after Monday we will start going through things and set his things aside.
I am so grateful for the moment that I am in a good place mentally and emotionally. I am really beginning to accept that he is not changing, doesn't want to change and that I no longer want to change who I am or what I believe (non superficial/materialistic lifestyle) and I am ok with it. FOR NOW.....
I pray that I keep this strength and keep on living in the moment until we can get past Monday at least before any waves of emotions hit, which I am praying don't. I really hope all the emotions I have been having over the last several weeks and months is it. I know, I know, fat chance, but I can dream can't I? lol
Anyway, thank you all for your continued support and encouragement and I just want to warn you all ahead of time, I may really need you all next week and want to thank you in advance for putting up with any broken record I may become.
Praying for no more self soubt, second guessing and what if's.
Hugs everyone!!!
His "matter of fact" is what he did last time, so he figures it'll get you this time. Nobody who actually feels what they are saying goes from "I love you, you're my soul mate, I want you as my wife" to "you can have the vacuum cleaner cos I just bought a new one" in a matter of days. He thinks that the fact he doesn't seem to care will make you believe you are a dime a dozen, easily replaced like a vacuum cleaner. At the same time as you are his soul mate.
Don't fall for his lies. And we are here for you - no matter how many times you need it between now and then.
They have an objective, but the emotional lack makes them cocky, almost to an unimaginable level. They can and will switch effortlessly from one way of being to another. They do this because they want to see which works best.
Lets look at the history of this situation.
He acted all calm last time, correct? And what happened? U went back to him.
He acted all loving (not for very long, think about the amount of love u have experienced verses the amount of times you've been unloved)
And the "I love u tactic" didn't work.
The reason he used all these words of "love, soulmate, spending the rest of his life with u, you being his wife and him wanting that" is because he used these tactics in the beginning and they worked so he's tried them again.
Because that's not working anymore he's going back to what he has recently experienced as successful in the recapture of you. He sees your weakness being in this tactic of him not giving a dam!
But listen Hun, just be aware of what he's doing. It's like a game of cards that he's playing, he'll hold off showing his hand for as long as he can because it's not about love this relationship (to him) its about winning!
My ex rang me again the other day for the third time in the space of two weeks. The very first thing he said (he rang me from work)
"Hi have u rang here because there's a post stick note with your name on it but no number and message, it just says Karen and I thought it might be you!"
Obviously I hadn't and obviously there was no note. This is him being a chancer.
He was all like "I'm changing company at work so there may be a problem with your child support money" (he's said this to me every time he's phoned and I've responded with the same response .." It's ok, I'm sure it will get sorted out so I'm not worrying about it!"
His reply every time was "well if you have any problems u MUST ring me and I will come down and give u cash because I don't want to not pay!"
He said to me "I want to give u child support because at least I know I'm doing SOMETHING right and it makes me feel good!"
I replied "well it's a good job that I went to the child support agency and got them to take the money out your wages then if that's how u feel about it!"
(I had to get the CSA involved because he was messing me about with paying my child support)
So u see they are so cocky, will say anything and try anything to worm their way into your thoughts, your insecurities, your vulnerabilities. My ex just though of the money side of things to try and stir a "what if" thought in my head and that I'd need him and need to lean upon him for financial support! But I will never ever turn to him again for any support, his support is conditional and is a trap.
But for 7 months I heard nothing from him and I can bet u that he was hoping I would cave and be like "why is he not contacting me does he not love me anymore?"
Each time he's rang in the last two weeks he's telling how well he's doing for himself and how much he's changed and changed this life, same old bs!
I promise u confused that u will get to a place where what he says will just look like total bs to you! Every single word my ex has said to me in those phone calls I just laughed at him afterwards because it was so transparent. What he doesn't realise is that it's done me a huge favour that he contacted me because its settled some uncertainties that I still held, but not anymore!
And you'll get to that place. I mean come on, the bastard is using a vacuum cleaner as a tool to aid in his manipulation, there is nothing these guys wont conjure up and use!
"I've bought a vacuum cleaner (still keeping in theme with this cleaning abuse is he?), so I will manage without you!"
"I've found a note with your name on have u rang (what a random note with the word Karen on it that u probably wrote yourself!), I was worried there was a problem and u needed me!"
It's all the same bs BS bullshit!!!
And don't u worry about Monday and next week, you'll have us!