When I missed my ex abuser, I tried to keep extra busy. Easier said than done sometimes, but it's the only thing that worked for me. I bought a video game, got a hold of a friend to play with, and we played until I felt good enough to go about the rest of my evening.

Many other people here have suggested calling a friend, or going for a walk/exercising, writing down what's on your mind, or playing with a pet. The feeling will eventually pass, but it's hugely a matter of doing something healthy for you/helpful to you with your time until you get there.

I've been No Contact for months, having moved away almost a year ago, and there's still some days where I wonder what the ex is up to, but it's nothing like it was before. Currently I'm able to just shoo those thoughts away or remind myself of how bad the relationship was for me, and I feel a lot better. It took a ton of willpower, pain, and work, but I've realized it was worth it considering now I know I don't ever have to feel that way again. And I hope that with time and care, you can feel that way, too.

I can totally understand. I have broken off that kind of relationship about a week back. And I have times when I don't feel anything, but I have moments when I want to talk to him or do anything together like we used to.
I am struggling but everytime I have to remind myself that all the good times were always followed by some very bad ones. I am trying to talk to as many people as possible, my parents, my close friends.. and it calms me down. It makes me see sense into how terrible that relationship was and how no person should ever be made to feel that way.

Hi...yep sucks

Make yourself a list... Mine was called the ABC's of my abusive husband. I listed everything....that he was and he did and hung it on my refrigerator. Read it all the time.

Also, stay away from him and everyone that knows him. Make new friends. 20 year marriage for me....I had to leave a lot behind...but it was necessary. I deserve to be treated better...so do you. Believe that. ....THAT is the truth.

There's good advice here. I kept a list in my pocket of all of the negative traits, and the truth about the abuser and the relationship. When I was feeling weak I would read it over and over again. It's almost like you have to brainwash yourself to believe the truth.

never thought of that...brainwashing myself back to normal....good one

Thanks everyone for the support.... It really means a lot.... This is the hardest thing ever

I have been there. I left my abusive husband back in April and have been back a few times because I couldnt stand the pain of missing him. Each time I ended up leaving again bc his true colors would come through. Leaving an abusive relationship is soooooo hard because you still love the abuser but know you need to get out for your own health and safety. The best thing you can do is have no contact, even in moments of weakness.

having nobody makes that real easy for me. I know how sick and dysfunctional this person is. but being alone has brought out a side of me that I hate.
but I wish I could pretend this time would be better. the truth is louder than those hopes...............thank God.

But my magnet attracts the sickest most dysfunctunal so for a while I chose unhealthy isolation.
Good luck beautiful one.

I kept missing my abuser but found that going back again and again each time it got worse and worse until the feelings dwindle away. I think most of us went back to our abusers only to regret it later. Its probably the need to fill loneliness. I try to keep busy especially if I keep thinking about him. Lately every time I am thinking of him its something he did that makes me feel angry all over again. I think that helps keep me from caving on the no contact. It takes time to get past these feelings and heal. Keep your mind busy and give it time. I am trying so hard to take my own advice right now - your not alone!