Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
There are lots of
misconceptions
about abuse in
general and
emotional abuse
in particular.
Two of the primary
MISconceptions
about emotional abuse
are:
[1] Emotional abuse
is not as serious or
as dangerous as
physical abuse.
[2] Emotional abusers
perpetrate only
emotional abuse
and will
never
be physically abusive.
In FACT. . . . . . .
when TV reporters
stand outside the
places where
horrific
single or
multiple tragedies
have just happened,
the neighbors will
often share with
the reporters:
They were such a
quiet couple. . .
or
He was the nicest guy. . .
or
well. . .
you get the idea.
Emotional abuse
without ever one
incident of
physical battery
is as serious
and as DANGEROUS
as physical battery.
Further. . . .
some historically
emotional abusers
become physically violent.
(There are often no
warning signs about
which of them, will.)
Further. . . . .
some emotional abusers
who become
physically violent
will not perpetrate
by slapping, punching,
etc., etc. Rather, among
those emotional abusers
who become
physically violent
there are some who
will attack with
deadly force.
No. . . this is not the rule.
Happily, it's the exception.
(Though there are often
no warning signs about
who among them
will do this.)
NO ONE here should
become the victim
of that exception.
Please. . . . . .
SAFETY FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!
misconceptions
about abuse in
general and
emotional abuse
in particular.
Two of the primary
MISconceptions
about emotional abuse
are:
[1] Emotional abuse
is not as serious or
as dangerous as
physical abuse.
[2] Emotional abusers
perpetrate only
emotional abuse
and will
never
be physically abusive.
In FACT. . . . . . .
when TV reporters
stand outside the
places where
horrific
single or
multiple tragedies
have just happened,
the neighbors will
often share with
the reporters:
They were such a
quiet couple. . .
or
He was the nicest guy. . .
or
well. . .
you get the idea.
Emotional abuse
without ever one
incident of
physical battery
is as serious
and as DANGEROUS
as physical battery.
Further. . . .
some historically
emotional abusers
become physically violent.
(There are often no
warning signs about
which of them, will.)
Further. . . . .
some emotional abusers
who become
physically violent
will not perpetrate
by slapping, punching,
etc., etc. Rather, among
those emotional abusers
who become
physically violent
there are some who
will attack with
deadly force.
No. . . this is not the rule.
Happily, it's the exception.
(Though there are often
no warning signs about
who among them
will do this.)
NO ONE here should
become the victim
of that exception.
Please. . . . . .
SAFETY FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!
Think of it like this, an emotional abuser on the first date doesn't abuse you, they are kind and charming and they want u to like them, To trust them, then the emotional abuse slowly starts to take shape!
And how on earth is a physical abuser gonna get away with saluting u on the first date? Your gonna run and not date him! Even months into the relationship, say he's been none abusive at all, nothing but nice and he all of a sudden hits you, you'd walk because he's not destroyed your self esteem yet by emotional abuse!
So emotional abuse must come before physical and go hand in hand as its the emotional abuse that convince you to stay and that it's your fault and you deserve it, the actual physical assault is a release for the abuser, so in fact standing up to an abuser is very dangerous because your taking away his actual release or fix and he will prob up the abuse to a place where he can get his fix and it could be deadly!
Safety first indeed!!!!!
Don't become one of those statistics !!! Choose life!
Thank you
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
Everyone in his life would tell you
"he's such a nice guy"
In fact, probably 10 people that I met, his friends, told me just that, whe I first met him.
He fooled my family, my friends, and of course me at first.
Within 2 months, the flags were there,and he became
so emotionally abusive, the things that he would say, the crazyiness, the madness...was driving me insane. But even when he drove me to MY limits at first, when I would start to strike him, he never struck me back and just held my arms.
UNTIL
that one day when he just let go and pushed me down
and I knew, I KNEW it would happen again.
and it did.
and it was more frequent and more violent.
and then I was afraid of him.
He said he never hit anyone before - i don't believe him.
I am the victim of this exception.
I have a permanent restraining order to prove it - the judge believed me and my stories of violence over him LYING in court saying he never hit me.
Do not ever think that he won't hit you, that he won't go that far.
He might.
Mine did.
I think it should add that it's no easier to leave and emotionally abusive relationship than a physically abusive one. In fact, I think it is more difficult because of the focus on only physical abuse by the media and society.
I've had numerous people ask me "if she was so bad, why didn't you just leave?" My only response is that it is complicated, and like brainwashing you don't know which perceptions to trust.
It's often way harder
to leave an emotional abuser.
He *barely* contained it. It makes me shiver now.
I used to think, and say to my closest friend, "I almost wish he WOULD hit me, because then I would know it's time to leave."
After that night, I knew that if I stayed, I would only be waiting around for him to actually hurt one of us -- and I would never forgive myself if he hurt my daughter.
So, I called my mom, put on my coat and snow boots, put on my daughter's coat, and walked out the front door across the road to a friend's house. She opened the door, I said, "I'm afraid of my husband. Can I stay here til my parents get here?" And she let me in.
Flora Jessop
like being in a cult, repetition,
Praying now that he does something stupid and gets arrested so I will truly know i'm safe.
And yes, I agree too that emotional abuse can be harder to leave, in part because the societal perception is that if there's no violence it's not abuse, but also because (as Jaded said) they have us convinced that it's something wrong with us - that if we just try harder, if we stop messing up, then it'll all be good again.
And, other than in the most extreme examples of physical abuse, emotional and sexual abuse leaves by far the more serious and deeper scars.
One of my first posts here asked Is this Emotional abuse. Pretty sad when you have to ask...and not trust your own judgment.
I too was so confused and he had me convinced that it was all me. After all, he was so popular among coworkers, family and friends. Everyone told me what a great guy he was. I stayed and stayed trying to love him more so he would stop. Then the physical abuse started and I knew it was not me and he was the perpertrator.
I wish the media would focus on emotional abuse also when running a story about someone dying at the hands of an abuser.
I cant wai to get out of this situation Im in!...read my journal...tell it all
Be strong, Be Safe..Be well..XOXO