Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
http://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com/?s=mint+and+lemon+balm&submit.x=0&submit.y=0
copy & paste I suppose into the browser. Long read but what else do you have to do when you're alone at night crying?
It made so much sense to me & I still go back and read it.
dont get me wrong everyone, I'm still freshly wounded & definitely trying to heal & be positive again.
I figured he filled my head with so much negativity, dropped me on my face & enjoyed it, still tries to weasel his way back in, that I've got to relearn my thought patterns.
Once upon a time our minds were healthy. It is him that made us unhealthy by taking advantage of our kindness and love. By turning something beautiful (love) into something ugly (hate). I'm reclaiming my mind & hoping I can be supportive of others as well as be supported.
I will fall again & my thoughts will get the best of me, my anxiety will keep me up at night, but I am preparing for those moments by sharing with you wonderful people.
xoxo
gogo
copy & paste I suppose into the browser. Long read but what else do you have to do when you're alone at night crying?
It made so much sense to me & I still go back and read it.
dont get me wrong everyone, I'm still freshly wounded & definitely trying to heal & be positive again.
I figured he filled my head with so much negativity, dropped me on my face & enjoyed it, still tries to weasel his way back in, that I've got to relearn my thought patterns.
Once upon a time our minds were healthy. It is him that made us unhealthy by taking advantage of our kindness and love. By turning something beautiful (love) into something ugly (hate). I'm reclaiming my mind & hoping I can be supportive of others as well as be supported.
I will fall again & my thoughts will get the best of me, my anxiety will keep me up at night, but I am preparing for those moments by sharing with you wonderful people.
xoxo
gogo
(I have a giant mint garden that I wrestle with every summer, so I know how it all goes!!)
It really is so helpful & I still refer to it.
"Your partner launches an emotional assault on ridiculous grounds, such as, the look on your face, the tone of your voice, or your attitude to name but a few. (Although others might include your inability to guess what he hadnt bothered to tell you, or an innocent mistake you made.) He overreacts as massively as he feels is his right and privilege. He trumpets your crimes and misdemeanors to the four walls, until he finally tires of the sound of his own shriek"
It's so validating. Every word is true except that I don't think H ever really "tires of the sound of his own shriek."
One funny thing is that I tried to get mint and lemon balm to grow in my yard, but it died. That says a lot about how arid this place is. Lol.
But I agree--when we suppress feelings or aspects of life or ourselves, the tend to get pushed into the shadows and eventually these repressed things seem to take on a life of their own.
Sometimes, when talking about dreams, I call this my "shadow." I'm beginning to wonder if my "shadow" was actually H's influence now, though (since it started showing up in dreams only after meeting H). Or perhaps he had the effect of causing more parts to become part of the shadow, because of the extreme intolerance and criticism drove me to deny or repress parts of myself.
This article also reminds me of Starhawk's concept of the Older self and the Younger self...like that the Younger self (the creative, curious self) will try to bring home whatever it likes and plant it in the garden (maybe things that are actually dangerous, but seem flashy or intriguing)--and that is why the Older self (the experienced self) has to sometimes pull out what the younger self has planted, or stop the younger self from bringing it in.
But that's off topic.
I think this article is absolutely right in articulating that these repressed emotions or even repressed aspects of the self will continue to grow underground--and if they aren't accepted and integrated into your whole self, they will actually become a force that works against you (like we need more of that).
Maybe this is part of why abuse knocks victims so far off balance.
It seems like the article is really pointing out how the invasive herbs weren't your problem to begin with, but were his creation--by causing you to believe things about yourself and your life and reality that were never true...but, by extension, I think these can be seen to also suggest the effect of feeding the shadow.
By causing you to view yourself as bad, he causes you to cut off parts of yourself that give you power--and then these parts will become destructive to you.
So, in some complicated way an abuser is both harming you and causing you to harm yourself (and enabling that part of you that does try to harm yourself--the repressed part).
OMG. This is why my lemon balm died...it was tired of hearing me talk. lol. Go do your homework, LK.