Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've started reading a book, "Stop Spinning, Start Breathing" which is essentially a "recovery" book about narcissistic abuse. One of the things this author brings up consistently is a concept she calls MDOE, Managing Down Our Expectations, and it has really resonated with me. Basically, she points out that a common theme in these types of relationships--and a big part of our "stuck mentality"--is the systematic and insidious ways that these abusers go about training us to expect less from a relationship.
When I really sat and thought about this concept it totally explained how I got sucked into this place in my life, and why it is so difficult to take back my personal power and acknowledge that "hey, I do deserve more". It has also made me incredibly mad. For the first time I am truly acknowledging that he has essentially trained me like one would train a new puppy. In essence, he has made me his dog to his master. In truth, I have had to accept that he really didn't have to work that hard to get me to this point. I was already conditioned to accept responsibility for everyone around me in my family of origin. So.....anyway, no rants today--just thoughts. Happy Holidays everyone!!! I hope you all have peace and blessings this season and in the new year!!
When I really sat and thought about this concept it totally explained how I got sucked into this place in my life, and why it is so difficult to take back my personal power and acknowledge that "hey, I do deserve more". It has also made me incredibly mad. For the first time I am truly acknowledging that he has essentially trained me like one would train a new puppy. In essence, he has made me his dog to his master. In truth, I have had to accept that he really didn't have to work that hard to get me to this point. I was already conditioned to accept responsibility for everyone around me in my family of origin. So.....anyway, no rants today--just thoughts. Happy Holidays everyone!!! I hope you all have peace and blessings this season and in the new year!!
and gut wrenching
thread.
Sending you hugs and
prayers for peace and
healing.
I spoke to a male friend and I realized that my father was also a narcissist. My friend said he mother was a narcissist and it made him realize he's on constant alert to be pleasing all the time. That struck a cord for me because i was always trying to make sure my Ex was happy so he wouldn't fly off the handle.
I'm going to discuss it more with my therapist but it's an interesting discovery. Do you think your parents were narcissistic also? Because my father was a narcissist it was very easy, even familiar for me to be involved with two different narcissists as an adult.
My father was a narcissist too, and I also suspect my mother of being one.
I guess it was bound to happen that I would attract and be attracted to guys of a similarly disordered type...
Thanks again for highlighting this, and you do TOO deserve much more! Merry Xmas xx
Maybe with awareness there can be healing and a chance to truly value ourselves!
As to the question of whether my parents are narcissists--I don't know. Do they have serious issues? Absolutely! Have they contributed in a major way to the person I am today? You bet! I can't say that even living with my parents could have prepared me for the nightmare that my life has become, but I absolutely can see glimpses of the angry, cheating, self-centered individual that BOTH of them are in my husband.