Please get out. Care enough for yourself to get out. It won't get better. Marriage will only make it worse. And I would bet that you feel in your heart of hearts that it will have to end at some point. If I had listened to that voice 25 years ago, my life would be drastically different today. Listen to that tiny voice. It is your inner knowing that sees the truth.

Try to get to the bottom of what makes you cling to this sick drama and learn to crave peace.

Most of us want a life partner. But sometimes, being single is a much better option. I won't tell you that if you leave him and learn to love and care for yourself, someone true and loving and decent will come along, because I think that's BS. In my experience, most men out there are immature and self-absorbed. But if you do get out and learn to love yourself, you have a chance at a peaceful and satisfying life. Living with a sex addict who feels entitled to abuse and neglect you sounds like sheer hell.

Some people on this board say that abusers rarely change, very rarely. In my opinion, they never do. And anyway, yours doesn't even seem inclined. The only thing that you can change is you. You can refuse to accept it anymore. And that doesn't mean standing up to him, it means tossing him to the curb and never looking back.

Sending you strength.

You don't ask questions to the man your going to MARRY about his SEX ADDICTION???

Would you buy a car from someone and NOT ask any questions about the history of the car???

It's either "easier" because you'd rather be in denial, OR you've asked in the past and he raged.

I'd rather be alone and at peace than with somebody and be miserable.

The key for you is to love the pleasure of your own company.

I take it you are an alcoholic, too? I only say this because you used a few AA buzz words.

You know why he hasn't reached out to you since he left, right??? He's most likely drunk and having sex.

Even the THREAT of that scenario should be enough to leave.

Get out. Call a women's support hotline and get help.

This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Welcome to the forum
though I'm sorry for the
circumstances that
brought you here.

You wrote:

He's insufferable to be around, and I always get the blame.


If you continue forward
from engagement to
marriage, your
emotional condition
will plummet from
not loving yourself
and feeling terrified
of life,

straight to feeling
terrified of HIM
and not long after
that. . . . . . . despair.

If this is how he is
before the wedding,
know for sure that
he will be a
HELLISH ABUSER
a minute after you
speak your vows.

Please visit your
nearest women's
resource center.

Ask them for some
counseling.

They'll help you begin
to see that life married
to an abuser will be
worse than anything
you've experienced
to this point in time.
When you look at
the wedding dress,
your stomach will
churn with sorrow
and regret, no
matter how lovely
you looked walking
down the isle.

Deli called marrying
this dysfunctional
abuser, "a train
wreck waiting to
happen."

I concur, except
that I'd describe
it as a forty-car
pile-up. It will
take you decades
to recover from it,
if you proceed
forward with
marrying him.

And whatever you do. . . .
DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please take good care
of yourself.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and healing.

And to add to Ilene's advice, do NOT trust birth control!!!

When you decide to leave and make that plan, he may be able to sniff that out and sabotage your birth control- poking holes in condoms, hiding your pills...

Don't have sex with him, period. Besides, it sends mixed messages.

Tell him you have a UTI... whatever you need to do to not engage in any high risk activity- ESPECIALLY since he's out of town doing who knows what.