hey guys, i dont know ever since the last time he touched me it was 12 i felt so reliefed. then just recently it's like my brain went into memory-lane mode which makes me feel so depressed and sensitive. I feel so dumb or so clueless with what was going on when i knew it didn't feel right. Im 18 right now. It started way back in 2004 i was 5. my cousin, who was much older then me for sure started touching my leg and went up to my you know where and started to caress and then the next thing you know he has a camera pointing at me where im naked posing at the bed. This touchiness continued for years. 7 years to be exact. he kissed me. fingered me. grobbed my breasts you name it including rape at the tender age of 8. the day before my 8th birthday... ive never felt so humilated and dirty and ashamed in my lfie before. He even tried to rape me in the bathroom while i was taking a shower. i luckily ran out of the bathroom and it was a good thing that i ran out on time caused i just finished showering i was just letting water run down my back, which didnt last for long.  Even though he did so many things to me it didn't match that many years later i'm here suffering feeling like a little slut that was desperate for some when i never was ever desperate for it. he was my sex ed. i was his doll he could just use everytime i came to visit during the holidays or summer vacation or when he came over. I feel so humiliated my friends know about me being raped and sexually absued yet without knowing even though i dont pay attention to it they joke out and one day we were playing uno and since i lost this guy said looks like your getting raped i went straight to the bathroom and cried for a good 5 mins as the memories flew in and i remembered and it hurt so much.... that happened a week ago. I wish life didn't have to be this way i feel so shitty. i wish i could just die and relive a new life but i can't i was corrupted plenty i lost my innocence im no where near innocence.