Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Finally the day has arrived. I've been an emotional mess the last 2 weeks crying for no apparent reason and tryin to hide it from my kids. Spent the last weekend in KS seeing family and talking with my mom. Found out along with her being an alcholic shes been addicted to pain pills in the past as well. We talked about our "addictions" as I they were similiar situations and how she's moved past them. She is excited about my meeting today and wants me to check into Alnon meetings as well. I've broken the chain for my kids for family addictions like smoking and drinking so I just need to work on this addiction of the Exn. On our way home last night my daughter (12) asked me if me and he was still together. No I hadn't had the talk with them, makes it all final I guess and I wasn't really wanting to put it in that stage. But I thought about it and decided to go ahead and tell them both. I told them what he told me that I was pathetic, worthless, lazy and that he didn't feel as tho I cared about him or the family. Both my kids asked why he would think such things when I was the one doing all the work. They told me examples of when he made them feel bad about themselves. My son for example told me the first year when they were all enrolled in soccer and the Exn was coaching his team that he told him he was the worst player out of the whole team (he was 6 or so) and that they were losing their games because he was such a bad player. My daughter told me that she walked in while he was having a phone conversation with someone and he was telling them how lazy I was and that I never did anything around the house. Stuff like this and I told them both that if they thought of more to let me know. Kind of lit a fire under me and boy am I ready for the meet today. I've been no contact for 22 days now. I know I'll have good days and bad. Just keep journeling as much as I can to keep things in my mind on why he's not a good person.
Update from the meet:
Thank you Susyp and Chillbone...well I like the lady I talked with. She's a very smiley type of person with a Jamaican accent I believe. First we started off on the topic of the Hawaii trip I am hoping to take this summer and then got to the nitty gritty. I told her about my relationship with Exn and how things had preceded downhill. She came to the conclusion that I am an enabler. That once I started putting my foot down about things is when he probably turned things around against me. She agreed that I did deal with some abuse in emotional/verbal and mental ways. Not flat out but when said I thought I was a victim of it she asked for examples and agreed. I did a lot of talking and she a lot of listening and towards the end we talked about things I need to do for myself. She applauded that I left and didn't go back. That my kids are my first priority and told her about a few things where I've been trying to make them stand up for themselves. She thinks I've already made tons of progress just from leaving the relationship and that I should be concentrating more on myself then worrying about a relationship I can't change even tho she thinks I did more than my share of work. So I am going to write down some things that come to me that bother me and that I want to discuss maybe next time and work on her homework.
I have a few assignments to work on before our next appointment in 2 weeks. I have to right down a few examples of me "mothering" too much or doing something for someone instead of them doing it them self. The next one is writing down things I like to do and the 3rd is to write down 5 examples of insults or put downs that have the most effect on me. That's my homework.