Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I been mad all week this week because my pot head, only worries about his addiction.
I love him, but his addiction is driving me into debt. I think this is where the abuse comes too.
I have tried setting boundaries, I have tried everything. I have tried telling his mom, but he is the apple of her eye and does no wrong. I am at fault for him borrowing all the money, and I am at fault for no gas in the rig. Me and my family.
I even tried leaving him, he's even tried threatening to leave me, which never happens.
yesterday we got into a big argument about money, and pot. And he end up sleeping on the floor, and I on the bed. When he said he was waiting for his ride, and to fk, me and my truck, blah,blah,blah. I left for 2 and a 1/2 hours to see if it was true. I came home and he was still yet in my room.
I don't want him to leave, either, but I have to draw the line somewhere, the emotional wear is too much lately.
he has a job, and he thinks that is his green light to emotionally, financially abuse me?!!!
Well I am looking out for numero uno and her children. He can go get help from his other woman. and leave me out of the equation.
I told him this morning to have her help out with some of his pot since she probably smokes it with him, and I ain't going to support the both of them. I am so done with the pot. Why should I buy it when I don't even use it. I hate the smell of it. I hate it makes my lungs hurt because of my asthma. And he deliberately blows smoke in my face saying that is all I need to calm down. ugh!!!!
I love him, but his addiction is driving me into debt. I think this is where the abuse comes too.
I have tried setting boundaries, I have tried everything. I have tried telling his mom, but he is the apple of her eye and does no wrong. I am at fault for him borrowing all the money, and I am at fault for no gas in the rig. Me and my family.
I even tried leaving him, he's even tried threatening to leave me, which never happens.
yesterday we got into a big argument about money, and pot. And he end up sleeping on the floor, and I on the bed. When he said he was waiting for his ride, and to fk, me and my truck, blah,blah,blah. I left for 2 and a 1/2 hours to see if it was true. I came home and he was still yet in my room.
I don't want him to leave, either, but I have to draw the line somewhere, the emotional wear is too much lately.
he has a job, and he thinks that is his green light to emotionally, financially abuse me?!!!
Well I am looking out for numero uno and her children. He can go get help from his other woman. and leave me out of the equation.
I told him this morning to have her help out with some of his pot since she probably smokes it with him, and I ain't going to support the both of them. I am so done with the pot. Why should I buy it when I don't even use it. I hate the smell of it. I hate it makes my lungs hurt because of my asthma. And he deliberately blows smoke in my face saying that is all I need to calm down. ugh!!!!
I don't know I am struggling with that question myself. I love him. That is the only answer I have at the moment.
The roller coaster of abuse is what I know. I been abused and abandoned from childhood. I should be so used to being alone, I shouldn't be so afraid of it, I should welcome the solitude.
Monday I was at home alone, the kids at school the other couple that stayed with me they were out for the day, and my pot head was at work. I slept all day.
I told him my boss was coming and I had to get off the phone, I couldn't stand the silence.
he called to say nothing. lol there was no anger, or hostility in his voice, just silence.
he works out in the woods so a lot of times there is no reception. its a welcome silence.
well got to go to work, just jabbering.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
all abusers seem so selfish, they all seem to have some form of addiction which is stressful,mine is addicted to porn.
makes me sick.
hope things settle for you.
hugs.xxxx
As someone who has been there and done that for well over 3 decades, I will say that the only way up is OUT. As long as we and our children live with the toxic addict, we will only become more and more sick and more and more traumatized. We will start to do whatever we can to survive and usually those aren't healthy choices. (not criticizing here, just stating facts as I know them.)
I finally realized that we were both dying, literally and metaphorically. The ONLY way to save one of us (me) was to get out. So I did. I won't sugar coat it. It wasn't easy and it hurt like hell. But almost 8 yrs out and 6 yrs divorced I am sooooooooooooo much happier and healthier, I cannot begin to tell you. I don't have as much money or as many assets as I did when I was married, but I have enough and I don't even miss what I don't have any more. It took a lot of time, a lot of therapy, a lot of effort on my part AND a willingness to take the risk and change on my part. It was so worth it.
Start where you can....consider getting involved with a support group like alanon. If the group doesn't feel right, find another one. Each group has it's own personality. Look for a group where people share their experiences but DO NOT tell you what to do. Look for a same-sex sponsor.
Also, consider getting a therapist who specializes in recovery from abuse & PTSD and is familiar w/codependency. Pretty much anyone involved w/any kind of an addict has some codependent tendencies which come from trying to survive in a toxic environment. Addicts & abusers hurt us in so many ways. We end up living in turmoil and anger and sadness and pain and confusion and many times we don't know which way to turn.
Sending healing thoughts & prayers your way....
I put $50 in for gas (its a truck) and I got me a prepaid gas card for $50 I want to put more on there this Friday just for safe keeping, that way I will always have gas.
He will have no way of using my truck for gas excuses any more. I am putting my foot down. no more I got bills, gas and kids to take care of.
my codependency goes back to childhood, I grew up in an alcoholic home, and I know its no excuse, but I also have family members who are in addictions, mostly meth. OUT is not an option for me, I run into all sorts of walls where that is concerned.
I have distanced myself from many of my family because of addiction, mainly because my way of dealing with it was escape, through alcohol and gambling.
I am making an important decision to stop alcohol use, and want to quit gambling, but I not ready to take that step yet.
I was drinking 3 times a month and that is way too much for me. I am not a drinker at all.
And also here too. Its wonderful to reach out to people who are in or have been in the same place I am.
I am going to look into CODA also. Thanks again.
I have to say that I agree with MTC.
I just want to say how very sorry I am that you are going through this.
Remember, you can only change yourself, not him.
I wish you the very best of what life has to offer.
Please take care of yourself and always stay safe.