Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Thanks to the recommendations on this board, I have read the book Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt as well as Getting Past Your Breakup. Both books have helped me tremendously. Although I am not a religious person I did find a lot of value in Christi's story.
My ex quit the pills while he was here visiting that week-end. (Has it only been a week and a half ago?) Now, he is day two without alcohol.
This is what I have been waiting for, hoping for, longing for. YET, he is still a beast. I talked to him this morning. "You need to talk to our daughter and make her call her dad. I can't work on this relationship alone. She has to try as well" SOOOO many things wrong with these words and with his attitude. "Well, YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER IF YOU DON'T HELP ME"
I just disconnected the call and stared at the phone. I was mostly disturbed by the thought that it didn't hurt anymore. The worst insult EVER and I have heard it so often it doesn't hurt anymore.
I decided then and there that it was over. Cuz, love isn't supposed to hurt. It has been over for a long time now but *I* don't want it anymore and I accept that I cannot heal without No Contact becauses the hurts keep coming back to back to back.
I have my index cards on the ready. I have a plan in place. I have things that I promise myself that I will do beford I break no contact.
Reach out to this thread.
Take a long drive.
Watch an entire episode of anything.
Pull out those cards.
Give it a certain period of time (watch the clock if I have to)
Give it a really good gut wrenching cry
Any other ideas? I am wide open to suggestions. I am going to kick this degrading, disgusting habit once and for all.
My ex quit the pills while he was here visiting that week-end. (Has it only been a week and a half ago?) Now, he is day two without alcohol.
This is what I have been waiting for, hoping for, longing for. YET, he is still a beast. I talked to him this morning. "You need to talk to our daughter and make her call her dad. I can't work on this relationship alone. She has to try as well" SOOOO many things wrong with these words and with his attitude. "Well, YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER IF YOU DON'T HELP ME"
I just disconnected the call and stared at the phone. I was mostly disturbed by the thought that it didn't hurt anymore. The worst insult EVER and I have heard it so often it doesn't hurt anymore.
I decided then and there that it was over. Cuz, love isn't supposed to hurt. It has been over for a long time now but *I* don't want it anymore and I accept that I cannot heal without No Contact becauses the hurts keep coming back to back to back.
I have my index cards on the ready. I have a plan in place. I have things that I promise myself that I will do beford I break no contact.
Reach out to this thread.
Take a long drive.
Watch an entire episode of anything.
Pull out those cards.
Give it a certain period of time (watch the clock if I have to)
Give it a really good gut wrenching cry
Any other ideas? I am wide open to suggestions. I am going to kick this degrading, disgusting habit once and for all.
You have a great list. I would suggest having the radio on during that long drive, anything to distract you and make the time pass more quickly.
14 days. I want to be you someday. :)
An awesome post. And you are right - the drink and the pills are symptioms not the cause. My ex was an alcoholic, who was only ever violent with me when he was very drunk (and only intermittently at that - part of why I didn't just walk away much sooner). At one point he did give up drinking for some months. If anything, he got worse. I actually think that his drunken violence was like a valve - without that to let off steam, the rage was simply building inside him. He had the self-control while sober to not give into the rage in a phsyical way, but it was still there and was actually worse without the crutch of alcohol. And I now think (benefit of hindsight) that if he'd been sober long enough, the rage would eventually have spilled over while sober, and that probably would have been WAY worse than an uncontrolled drunken beating.
Alcohol removes inhibitions, it makes people give in more easily to urges they are otherwise able to control. But it doesn't change who a person is.
Every contact has some manipulation on his part. The more I am away from him the more I see how really mean and manipulative he was AND the more I value myself enough to start realizing I don't care if he is as nice as anything to anyone else. He was not to me. I am finally starting to really feel my value once again. Being out of contact with him has done that for me.
I am cheering you on!