Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
hello friends xx
i think im learning a lot and i think im seeing a lot clearer now.
i remember a conversation i had with him before i left......
i was trying to tell him about boundaries and that i should have set them long before.......and that we needed to set them then......so we both knew where we was.
Immeadiatley he started to mess with wedding ring......... which i think is a sign of unease.....
he actually used to start fiddling with his wedding right EVERYTIME i talked about ANYTHING........hhmm......
Anyway...... i was 'trying' to communicate bundaries with him.......i could see that he kept throwing the conversation back to me but wouldnt admit it when i told him........
Then he said something that threw me.........he said 'i need to stop now because youre just stretching it now'..........
and stood up and started to do something else..............walked out of the room and to be honest it felt like he was running away from having the conversation !!
is this the same as when they are saying...... ' youre being too sensitive' !!
i also said to him , youre nervous arnt you........he said no........why he said......i said because youre messing with your ring.....
he immeadilatey started on the defensive saying that , that was a dig.......he then said something that i FELT INSIDE was a dig to me but i cant remember what it was now.........
Am i right?..is it like im too sensitive mode?
i think im learning a lot and i think im seeing a lot clearer now.
i remember a conversation i had with him before i left......
i was trying to tell him about boundaries and that i should have set them long before.......and that we needed to set them then......so we both knew where we was.
Immeadiatley he started to mess with wedding ring......... which i think is a sign of unease.....
he actually used to start fiddling with his wedding right EVERYTIME i talked about ANYTHING........hhmm......
Anyway...... i was 'trying' to communicate bundaries with him.......i could see that he kept throwing the conversation back to me but wouldnt admit it when i told him........
Then he said something that threw me.........he said 'i need to stop now because youre just stretching it now'..........
and stood up and started to do something else..............walked out of the room and to be honest it felt like he was running away from having the conversation !!
is this the same as when they are saying...... ' youre being too sensitive' !!
i also said to him , youre nervous arnt you........he said no........why he said......i said because youre messing with your ring.....
he immeadilatey started on the defensive saying that , that was a dig.......he then said something that i FELT INSIDE was a dig to me but i cant remember what it was now.........
Am i right?..is it like im too sensitive mode?
Yes, he was messing with you, avoiding having the discussion. Boundaries are not something an abuse victim is allowed to know about, much less talk about.
Please, try to get out of his head, out of thinking about why he did/said/thought/whatever ....
Know your own truth.
several different
TACTICS.
His accusing you
of being "too sensitive"
is a COUNTER ATTACK.
It's used as a distraction
and deflection, when he
perceives that his tactics
of control are under attack.
When he accused you
of "stretching it," that's
another counter attack.
He's suggesting that
you're lying.
When he ignored you
or says, "I need to stop now"
and/or leaves the room,
he felt really busted and
had to shut down the
interaction before he lost.
One time, when my abusive,
narcissistic mother felt she
was losing an argument to my
father, she ended the argument
by smashing her wrist down
against the counter, and
spraining it. To her, her
physical injury was secondary
to having regained control of
the situation. Now all attention
was back on her; she was the
injured party, and she spent
the next two days moaning
and groaning loudly, and
making everyone wait on
her. I was seventeen at
the time. It made me sick.
There are all kinds of
abusive strategies.
They all come down
to power and control.