Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have realized that my ex has cost me a number of friendships. When we were still together but the "mean" phase was beginning, I tried to talk to him about two of those friends. They had been friends of mine for years and were riding instructors for us at the farm. I could tell they were starting not to like him and his controlling ways. Anyway when I spoke to him about them, he said well, their not very good friends then. He simply didn't care if I had lost them. After I left the farm, these two women were still interested in teaching for him. (I guess they weren't very good friends of mine.) Anyway, one day he told me that one of them would not talk to him in person or over the phone. She wanted their conversations to be in writing. Why is that? I guess because she figured out before I did that he lies.
Anyway, I just saw these two friends on fb, attending a fun horse event together yesterday. And here I sit, typing away on an abuse forum, fighting to get my life back.
Anyway, I just saw these two friends on fb, attending a fun horse event together yesterday. And here I sit, typing away on an abuse forum, fighting to get my life back.
In my own case, once I had enough distance and healing, I approached those of my friends that I had valued most highly and was honest with them. Pretty much, they have come back. It's not as it was, it can't be of course. But they are friends again and maybe, over time, it will be better than it was.
This isn't the end, just a new beginning.
It's true that probably a lot of abusers just do not care if we lose friends or other people of value to us because of their behaviour... but there can also be an actual desire on their part to cause strife between you and those close to you with the goal of isolating you.
My husband frequently attacked my job, because he could not tell me not to work - that would have been too obvious. So he complained about the hours, the distance, and the fact that I talked too much about it at home, instead. It was designed to make me want to give up work and lose my friends and sense of purpose.
Maybe there could have been any number of reasons why they still wanted to teach for him (not wanting to let him get his way? Money? Not realising the extent to which he truly abused you?) but try not to punish yourself by assuming it was calculated to upset you. It must have been a stab in the back for sure when you saw them wanting to even be around him, and getting on with life happily... I have felt very similar.
All I can say is sorry, and you do not deserve any of this :(
*big hugs*
I lost some friendships during the course of our relationship, and after because a few women that I became close to were his friends wives or girlfriends. It sucks.
However, there is hope. All but one of my friendships have been repaired, even with his friends significant others. The one that hasn't been restored is for good reason. She caused alot of drama in my life so it was my choice.
I thought everyone hated me after we broke up, truth was they were all saying," good for her!" Behind my back, nothing nasty.
Hugs to you.
I am so sorry if you lost friends. You will gain better friends.
These 2 ladies you mention---If she had to have everything in writing from your ex---doesn't sound like she is his friend. Maybe you shouldn't think you have lost friends just yet.
If they are good people, they will keep their eyes and ears open and the truth will come out.
Just focus on you for now and take good care of yourself.
I absolutely everything will work itself out way better than it was for you. I know it is hard, but please be patient.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
And when friend after friend talks with her about the fact that they're planning on cutting me off, she simply insists 'I can't get involved - you do what you need to do.' And then she invites me over to be with the kids as I'm lonely. And her, naturally.
If you figure out how to repair any of those friendships, please let me know.
i am lucky to have a bf of 8 yrs yet i couldn't keep my past friends and he is the only one i have. they never wanted me to have a job then say i need a job to be a self-sufficient adult, which is it?!? i havent seen my friend from hs since we left college and i know where she is i did see her a cpl months ago and she has her own life with her family.