I didnt post my back story so I am sure that this is so vague. I have been with my husband for 9 years. We have only been married for 2. He is bi-polar and does not take the right meds and Im sure that has something to do with his emotional and physical abuse. His hatred for me has grown and I am fearful again. I am a successful business woman and it does not matter. I feel like a little kid when it comes to him. ALL of my friends and family absolutely hate him and want me to leave him and he wants to leave me and I feel like I should be ok with that somehow because it is for the best, but I feel so broken.

Hi Weather,

I wrote a story about my mom getting beat, followed with some relationship rules. It is similar to your story, and I think it'll help so here's the link: http://how-tobehappy.com/3-automatic-deal-breakers-to-any-relationship/

You've got to leave him. It doesn't matter why he does it, you deserve better, and you'll get better. He will never change. You have the strength to do this and you'll only get stronger after taking this big step.

It'll show you what you're capable of and make you feel empowered. It'll might be painful for the first year, but I bet you'll feel much more calm and safe as a result.

I hope it helps.
Brock

Thank you Brock. You are right and a part of me knows so much better. I have held onto the slivers of good because I thought somehow that would be enough or the good would take over because he would see that it was better to be healthy and happy. I am praying and praying for me to stay strong in this. My children do not respect him, nor do I want them to be modeled after him. He is not the example I want to set for them. I am overwhelmed with what to do next. I asked him to move out and he said he would but is also saying that he wants me to stay away from him while hes home which tells me he plans on coming back. I asked him to let me know when he can get his things. He did not respond. I have NO family here where we live and just my close-knit group of girlfriends and he has a huge family and support system and places where he can go. I just want to breath and not feel like someone is pushing down on my chest. I want to sleep and wake up and not feel sadness, pain, loss, anger, resentment or loneliness again.

One day at a time. I replied to your other post as well. I am too a business woman, and you are doing right. Pack up his stuff for him, especially if he's saying he wants you away from him while he's there. And change the locks, leave his stuff outside if you have a porch. Tell him you know he has a great family to support him and help him but he knows he shouldn't be abusive to you & the kids know that as well. My son is happy I don't live with his dad anymore because he hated how mean he was to me. He is 9. Kids will be fine as long as you love them and do your best for them. They know he is not okay. Talk to them about it if you are concerned how they feel. Ask them. They will amaze you and that may help you move forward.
It's okay to love your husband...but it's not okay to be abused - regardless of his meds being right or not. Bi-polar doesnt go away and it'll always be there no matter how much he loves you. Go with your gut, and feel the strength you have - because you totally have it. It's in there. (and all that sadness doesn't always go away, it comes back here and there, but you will get past this. and you will be happy again and look back and say WOW, LOOK AT ME NOW!)

Oh Weathered, I am soo soo sorry that you are living with this. You do not deserve to be treated like that. You are so brave to ask him to move out! I don't know you, but I am so proud of you. For yourself and for your children you have done the right thing! It's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It might be a good idea to seek legal advice about what to do next. Someone who has experience in similar situations and knows the local laws is best. They can help you figure out your options. You could try the domestic abuse hotline or a local women's shelter and I'm sure they would be able to help you or get you in touch with someone who can. If he doesn't move out, maybe you could stay with a friend, while you figure out what to do. Make sure you are not alone with him for now, ask a friend to be there whenever you have to see him. If he does leave, but doesn't take his stuff, you could pack it up and have a friend deliver it to him. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and your kids. It might be a good idea to try counselling if you can, or maybe an in person support group. Again, the women's shelter is a good place to ask for recommendations on how to find someone. Stay close to your friends and loved ones. You don't have to do this alone. Again, I am so sorry for everything you have been going through. I know you can do this. You have already shown how brave and strong you are! You've made the first step which is often the hardest. I wish you the best and I will be thinking of you.

Thank you mutateg602. I am struggling and honestly just want to stop thinking of him and the horrible things he said to me. I cant seem to shake it and Im, trying. I keep getting these waves of hurt feelings and trying to pull it together at work. Locking myself in my office, waiting for the day to end so I can get in my car and cry. I guess I struggle with how he could be so horrible. I dont know him anymore. I wish I could just go to sleep and get past this part. I hate my heart for loving him. My kids are amazing and do talk to me about it. Especially my youngest which is 14 and he is so wise beyond years and knows that this is not healthy and I tell him all the time, that this is not normal and somehow I am going to make this right for him and us. My husband is not the father to my children which I am grateful for. He has 2 daughters as well that both know how unpredictable he can be. Maybe it's just me and I bring this out in him. Either way, I am struggling and I am trying not to. He keeps talking about that there is someone out there for both of us. I cannot even wrap my mind around thinking of someone else. I dont know. I am lost.

You did NOT "bring this out in him."

He is a grown man with the responsibilities of any able-minded adult. (If his meds aren't working, it's HIS responsibility to work together with the prescribing doctor to get them right.)

Are you in working with a counselor? If not, I urge you in the strongest terms to get connected with a therapist qualified in recovery from abuse, and get cracking. Also, get legal support in regards to how to make your life abuse-free within the current context and then how to get away from the current context.

Every sunset, another day of your life has come and gone. Not one of those days will ever return for a "do over." If you do nothing, one morning, ten years from now, you'll put your feet on the floor and feel profoundly sad at the loss of a decade of your prime years, spent living under the roof of abuse. I hope you won't be in that place, and today is the day you can make sure you won't be.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity, strength
and growth.

Thank you for your post h.ea.l. I like that name. I hear your words, so loud. I am praying for clarity and strength that I don't fall victim to this same cycle. He came home and stayed away from me and we did not speak a word to each other. I slept in my own room last night for the first time in the last 3 days. I cried myself to sleep and actually slept good. I woke up with swollen eyes and not able to keep it together. I saw him and lost it. He hugged me while I cried - neither of us said a word. He finished getting ready for work and left. I feel loss because I know it will never change unless I change it and Im terrified and not sure why I cant take this leap or if I am taking this leap now. I dont know. I just know this hurts like hell and I wouldnt wish this on my enemy. My mother in law lives this life. I DO NOT want to be her age and still be praying for a miracle to happen. All the males in his family are very abusive, both verbally and physically. I am sorry, I did not come from the best upbringing either and had abuse in my home but I feel like you GET to make a choice as you become an adult to make a change for yourself and be better than what you were dealt. I am angry that he knows his demons, yet it's almost as if he thrives off of being cruel and mean to me. Just makes me shake my head any time I think of him and feel so sad. I am trying to hard to keep a brave face at work because I HAVE to keep my job and do love my job and the people that work for me. I feel like a fraud being a leader when Im so scrambled on the inside.

For the record, my name is Ilene. H.E.A.L. stands for Healing Emotionally Abused Lives, an organization I launched in 2006. For the last ten years, I've run support circles all around Connecticut. Had one just last night.

Lots of leaders are scrambled on the inside.

Please take steps. It's hard every which way. But if you don't leave, you may appear to be alive on the outside but you'll be dead on the inside.

I hope and pray that you will SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Hello Ilene, my name is Rachel. Thank you for your profound words. I cannot tell you how grateful I am. I love that you have that organization or that one like that exists. I know in my heart I need to let go once and for all and wish I knew what it would take to make that leap and not turn back. I keep waiting for this feeling to come over me, some feeling of confirmation that this is right and nothing feels right. Not staying, not leaving, nothing feels good.

Don't wait!!!!!!!!!!! Take a tiny step in some direction.
I hope it's in the direction of freedom, but that
decision is entirely yours.

When I finally left my
emotionally abusive
marriage, (nearly 20
years ago, now), I began
what seemed like an
impossible task with
teeny, tiny steps.

Only after many small
steps over a period of
time, did I get full-blown
confirmation that my
decision was right.

If you do nothing,
you'll continue on
with more of what
you have right now.

Is that what you
want for your life?