my mum was a child that felt abandoned .their mum left them with their dad and back in those days they were passed on to an overly strict an mean grandmama.when they were older they moved back with their dad and his new lady ,Kate.a nice but firm woman.at 18 mum married my dad and i was born.dad was an alcoholic so mum left.being a solo mum was shunned by sum new zealand communities at this time so life was tuff for her an got tuffer wen she fell pregnant again to a indian sailor who dissapeared.solo mum ,two kids,low self esteam.Perfect victim for not only a physical abuser but also a pedafile.a abuser looking for sumone who didnt feel worth quite enuff.treating her special,building her up much to her own disbelief and then slamming her.she is so in need of love ,any love,even FAKE love,that she will try harder next time cos she's sorry for making him angry.the pedafile is excited that she has kids,and not much self worth.she will have babies to keep him happy.she will be so amazed wen he wants her to hav his babies.'he must love me so much'-she thinks.to him she is a baby factory.she will breed children for him to abuse.in our case sexually abuse the girls and physicaly abuse the boys.the boys piss him off.just extra mouths to feed and of no use to him.mums weight goes up as he fattens her up an then calls her the worst an nastiest names.keeps her down while still making babies.this goes on for years.up to this point he is only abusing me sexualy.i stay quiet.he will kill me.i will go to jail.mum wont believe me and will hate me.i will never see my sibblings again.he will torture the family pets.I AM BAD.these are the things that have been drummed into me.he's prepping me for a life of abuse.so that the next pedafile can see me as a breeder.when the food runs out at home he goes to his mums an leaves us to go hungry.mum cries an begs for food or credit.i pray for her to stand up.for her not for us.i jus want her to stand up for herself so bad an over an over again she doesnt.it hurts me.i am 11 now.iv been taken out of school.i must stay home and help with the kids,plus there is no money for my schooling.im given ciggirettes an told thats the way it is.he bashes her again an when he's gone i tell mum wat he's been doing to me.i told her because i thought it would give her the strength to stand up an say NO!to leave him.it didnt.so now my mother has and is hurting me.she believes me but does nothing.believes him when he calls me a fuckn lying bitch.i spend the next 3 years feeling funny,like my mum hates that he wanted me,YUK.almost like a jelousy.sum family frends spit at me wen they cum to visit,call me a lying slut under their breath so only i can hear it.i leave home at 14.my first boyfrend at 16 is a physical abuser.hahhahhha of cors he is ,thats wat i was programmed for.WHO programmed u and WHO are YOU programming???