Here is the lie. When my SO contacted me 6 mo. ago, after 2 years no contact, we had e/m, and talked, and gone out jeeping for about 3 weeks. I was already caved in. Then he told me that he had a female "friend"that he Bowled with on Fridays. I was livid that he had a girlfriend and had contacted me, and pulling at my heart strings. He told me I had taken it all wrong. They were friends, it was not romantic and that they had only been going out bowling for 2 months. I asked him if she had expectations of it being more, and he said she may, but I have never mislead her. He wanted to get back with me. I have to say that that scared me, made me jealous and like I had to make a decision right then or never know if things would change. So I told him I would reconcile, but I wasn't part of a harem. He called her right then and let her know we were back together and would have to cancel out of their bowling night. He said she was fine with that. They were just friends and she said if she sees us out together she would be glad to see us.

My first run in with her was on a Friday. We go out on fridays shooting pool. She is Filipino. I noticed a Filipino woman sitting at the bar, and asked him if that was her. He said yes. I said, "do you want to introduce us?" He went over and asked her to come say hi, and she got up, pushed past him and stormed out of the bar. I knew he had lied.

He changed his story a little, it may have gone on a little longer then two months, but just friends, never romantic. Later, with much hura, a little longer turned into a year, but still holding to just being friends, she was not his cup of tea, she wanted more, and was pissed now that it didn't grow into more, but he never mislead her and it was never romantic. He blamed her for being childish.

If I had known it had gone on a year, I would not have reconciled. Clearly she had expectations, romantic or not, and has deep feelings for him.

As time has gone on, she has become a regular fixture on pool night. She never speaks to me, but sits at the bar looking in the other direction, except for an occasional glare back at me, and of course I see every glare, cause I'm fixated on her. The air is so thick you can cut it with a knife.

I have told him repeatedly how uncomfortable this is. She has the right to be mad. She vested a year, no matter what the nature of things were, he knew she had expectations. He should have let her off the hook and not continued to give her hope. He keeps telling me that he never mislead her. It is her own fault.

As she has been ever present in the bar, I have noticed that she comes in alone, but leaves, every week, with men that pick her up. A different guy every week. She is older then us, in her late 50"s or early 60"s, he says she never would reveal her age, but she dresses really provocatively. I have heard that her husband died not long before my SO started going bowling with her.

I don't know what to say. He clearly used her as company, and discarded her as soon as he thought he had me hooked. I want to apologize to her, but she will not speak to me.

Last weekend we were talking about all the men she has gone home with. I did not believe that nothing romantic had happened. I asked him a very pointed question, and he caved. In the beginning, there was some petting going on, he knew right away, her age and culture differences, made him not turned on by her. I do believe that, by the way, because I know things about him. But still, he used her for company. She could have met someone in that time, so I am angry at him for that, and I am enraged that he lied about the duration and nature and slowly reveled things along the way.

When he got home from his business trip on Friday, I had had a week of total anger that I could not speak to him about because he was gone. But I wrote it all out and confronted him when he got home. He was so angry that I called him out.

He justifies his lies calling them omissions, not lies, and that if he had told me the truth, he knew we wouldn't be together. He says he couldn't come clean because I'd have been mad, and see it's true. I'm mad. Is that his way of saying it was my fault? Yep, non of this mess is his fault. It's hers for being childish and wanting more, and mine for being angry if he tells me the truth.

Anyway, it was a horrible fight, but the moments I remember most from it was how scared his eyes looked. I was looking straight into them, and said, how can you possibly expect me to believe you don't know the difference between 2 mo. and 1 year, how can you look me straight in the eye and tell me that. He said it was the truth, and I was so furious, I yelled, what do you live in a whole nother universe that you could expect me to believe that.

The other thing I remember most was him walking away in the beginning of the fight, angry, spewing out, "Oh, so now your calling me a liar." YES!!! you are a liar!!! Bold face Liar!!!

He also said very kind things in all of it. If I had wanted to be with her, I could have, I wanted to be with you. I omitted, (never once saying he lied) the information because he wanted us back together. Please just let it be in the past. We are doing so good except for this one thing, can't you just let it go so we can move on.

Just had to put it all in writing. I do feel better now that the truth is out, and weather he can own it or not, I said my peace. I told him how it made me feel and how painful it was and how gravely he had damaged everything by just not being honest about it. But he is right, I would not have taken him back. The only thing I can say that he had a point on, is he is right, I would have not taken him back.