Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been married for 34 years and not slept with my abusive husband for over four years. I finally got smart enough to at least leave his bed, if not his life if he could not treat me with any respect. The funny thing is he has slowed down considerably on his verbal abuse and we both pretty much go about our own separate lives. Of course the emotional and mental is still there, he refuses to talk about anything to do with the marriage. I thought I could just go on like this, but find i'm becoming more withdrawn, even with my children and feeling more depressed. Confused, and always in limbo, dreaming constantly of leaving and scared silly to do it at my age (60). I am at a point where I have to force myself to speak to him and can't even think of anything to say. Wanted to ask what the long term effects are of staying here, but guess I know, as they are already a daily part of my life. How to get out--do I see a lawyer first, someone who can advise me financially, does he have to give me some money to help live. I do have a fairly good job but not enough to pay for everything nowadays. To you brave ones who have left, please help, how did you do it and manage. Thank you so much for any help. Guess he still does have his tantrums, one last week, where he ordered me to stop giving my daughter advice, which she had asked me for over the phone. Then told me I"m always feeling sorry for myself, which is totally untrue. After this many years, this "man' knows nothing about me or the work I do. Never even asked why I moved out of his bed??? Just to weird.
First, call:
1-800-363-9010.
Ask them about counseling.
Ask them about legal help.
You're not too old to
salvage the rest of
your life. You don't
have to live your entire
life under the roof of abuse!
The best "advice" you can
give your daughter, is to
model a woman who takes
hold of her life and lives it
with self-possession and
self-determination.
I am sixty, also. I left my
abuser at fifty. Life has
been incredible, since
then. Please don't wait
another minute to claim
what is yours by birth.
Take good care.
Also I'm 31, out of abusive relationship 13 weeks ago and I can say, I would choose to live abuse free, on my own, for all the many years ahead of me than be in an abusive relationship for the sake of having someone!
It was hard, but after experiencing life abuse free, I now have two experiences to fairly compare, and I'd choose abuse free living every time over him!!! No matter how much I loved him, or hated him, life is better without feeling anything for him!
That's true freedom from abuse and it's peaceful, it's real living!!!
theres this and that. but actually youre still there. sometimes weve assumed all you can do is talk as physically once youre abused or raped
or whatever its a fact and its been done and you cant undo it in that sense. i mean even if you get the police or a court it was still done to you and that effect is still there. is that the same ?
best wishes...... x
I left and was given temp. support until the divorce was final. I'm living quite well on what the ex agreed to give me. He's quit paying me for now but I can still cover the bills. I never worked much because he didn't want me working and who would take care of our children if I worked.
This is not an easy decision and I stayed way too long. I'm so glad I finally made that decision to leave.
Do what is in your heart. Divorcing at our ages is not easy but I would rather live alone than be in a lonely marriage.
I wouldn't force him to talk to you. I would just start to make a plan for leaving. Let the lawyer talk to him.
I think Ilene's number is a good place to start.