Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Like father, like son..

pray4peace
pray4peace

I have been divorced from an emotionally abusive husband (relationship lasted 23yrs) for 5 years now.  I have never regretted coming to a home without him in it since the day I left.  It was like a huge boulder had fallen off of my shoulders.  A parent of two children, my son (who is the youngest) has been diagnosed with ADHD and has a very definant personality, especially towards me.  It's gotten worse over the years as he has gotten older and his father is further out of his life, parenting-wise.  His respect for me is almost non-exsistant.  Normal methods of parenting do NOT work for a child with definance issues.  Last night he was in a manic mode, going crazy, and would not go to bed no matter how many times I asked or how much I threatened; he then yelled and berated me.  I usually become angry when he acts like this, but last night I saw and heard his father in his voice and actions.  It shocked and threw me right back into the abuse I felt all those years ago.  I cannot have this happen, but how do you try to fix it with a child who won't listen?

patti22
patti22
How old is your son?
pray4peace
pray4peace
14. Too old to act like a child yet too young to act in such an arrogant manner.
patti22
patti22
Aggh.

It's like 1st grade all over again. Seems like the kids start talking to each other in that way, and they bring it home.

(((( My history: My son talked late. Kindergarten became the year from hell, hitting, kicking, spitting (spitting is so embarrassing), you name it. It took a long time, but I brought him back from the edge. I'm no expert, and I only know my kids, but I know the PAIN of it all. And fear. )))

What are the issues? Is bedtime the main one?

What helps? What makes it worse?
energylost
energylost
A couple of weeks ago, Dr. Phil had a couple that had a son that was very defiant and disrespectful. In his book, and on the show, he talked about TAKING AWAY STUFF and when he begins to EXHIBIT respect and goes by the house rules then he EARNS some stuff back. For instance, when he comes home from the center he was sent to, he will come home to a bedroom with ONLY A BED in it and the rest of the stuff he has to EARN it back. He told the couple they were rewarding his bad behavior by not enforcing their rules. I grew up in a very abusive home environment, there were 5 of us kids so this is why my mom couldn't leave. He was still physically abusive even when I was in my 30s. I thought in his old age he would have stopped! I admire you for leaving that abusive marriage.