Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am sure like many on here, I have financial issues related to the long journey that I have been on. Controlling men seem to find a way to keep us broke and in debt, and then make it out to be our fault--we are just irresponsible with money. Right now I am having a hard time even finding two dimes to save to get out, but I am working on it. (The crazy thing is this is MY house, my kids and I moved here in February to get away from him--we didn't move far enough!)
I want to move out of state, without his knowledge. I know the only way we will get away and be safe is to get far away and essentially go into the "witness protection program" haha. (I laugh, but I'm not really kidding). I've moved far away before, but he found us due to contacts in the police department (my registration and the fact that I had to register the kids for school and get a job). I understand that legally I cannot take my kids out of state without their father's permission. I understand that this protects good parents in the event that another parent is just trying to hurt them by denying them access to their kids, but what about for those of us who are trying to keep their families safe? I have been to the Crisis Intervention Center many times; they cannot advocate for me to leave the area (although they acknowledge that it is the safest route for us), but legally they can offer no advice. The last time I moved I was careful to move within the state (about 3 hours from our house), but he still found me and managed to drag me back.
Are there attorneys who can help advise in this situation? Is there anyone who has successfully "beaten the system" and moved away without permission from the other parent? Losing my girls is not an option to me, not even for me to get away from him. They are old enough now to speak with a judge concerning what they have experienced, but is that enough to make the judge see the necessity? I have only called the police three times on him in our nearly 17 year history. Each time he played the wronged spouse and I was the crazy irrational person. Two of those times, his cousin (who is on the sheriff's dept here) showed up to talk to me about why I needed to cut his some slack. There are no police reports and there have been countless times I just didn't bother for one reason or another. Any advice how to go about this?
The other issue I'm having is whether it is good for me to uproot my children yet again. Won't they be better off in the long run? I am so up in the air right now about this!!!
Thanks and sorry this is so long!!
I want to move out of state, without his knowledge. I know the only way we will get away and be safe is to get far away and essentially go into the "witness protection program" haha. (I laugh, but I'm not really kidding). I've moved far away before, but he found us due to contacts in the police department (my registration and the fact that I had to register the kids for school and get a job). I understand that legally I cannot take my kids out of state without their father's permission. I understand that this protects good parents in the event that another parent is just trying to hurt them by denying them access to their kids, but what about for those of us who are trying to keep their families safe? I have been to the Crisis Intervention Center many times; they cannot advocate for me to leave the area (although they acknowledge that it is the safest route for us), but legally they can offer no advice. The last time I moved I was careful to move within the state (about 3 hours from our house), but he still found me and managed to drag me back.
Are there attorneys who can help advise in this situation? Is there anyone who has successfully "beaten the system" and moved away without permission from the other parent? Losing my girls is not an option to me, not even for me to get away from him. They are old enough now to speak with a judge concerning what they have experienced, but is that enough to make the judge see the necessity? I have only called the police three times on him in our nearly 17 year history. Each time he played the wronged spouse and I was the crazy irrational person. Two of those times, his cousin (who is on the sheriff's dept here) showed up to talk to me about why I needed to cut his some slack. There are no police reports and there have been countless times I just didn't bother for one reason or another. Any advice how to go about this?
The other issue I'm having is whether it is good for me to uproot my children yet again. Won't they be better off in the long run? I am so up in the air right now about this!!!
Thanks and sorry this is so long!!
I'd start by
writing down
EVERY PHYSICAL ASSAULT
with all details you can remember
including the dates, as close as
you can.
Then, I'd call both your
state's DV coalition (for basic
support ---- not legal advice)
and the STATE POLICE,
since he's got relatives
in the local system.
Give them the details
of assaults that you've
documented.
Please be careful,
but do take action.
Feel free to PM me
and I'll see if I can
come up with
anything else.
TAKE CARE.
I'm sorry that you may have
had bad experiences with
law enforcement. . . . and
it's true that there can be
bad officers and bad
instances.
But I caution you to please
not paint every single officer
in one color with one fell swoop.
Speaking for my state, our
state's D.V. coalition has
spent years working with
law enforcement to educate
and train officers, along with
providing victim advocates.
Here is the website for
Safe Horizon:
http://www.safehorizon.org
I don't know if they're local
to New York state or work
beyond state lines.
Also, I think I already posted
the number to your state's
women's resources. In
case I didn't, here it is again:
(800) 634-3577
They're not going to give you
legal advice. They'll be there
with all kinds of other support.
And as I said, if your local
police are under the influence
of your abuser's relative, then
call the State Police, which
hopefully would not be. If
they are as well, then call
the FBI.
We don't have to manage
assault and abuse alone.
And we shouldn't.
SAFETY must be
our first concern.
Please stay safe.
How old are your girls? Do they mind moving? Do they understand the dynamic between you and your ex.
Safe horizons is awesome I would look into that for sure, also maybe try the protective parents association in your area too. Keep us posted praying for some peace of mind for you and your family