Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have put up with the emotional abuse, controlling behavior, and even him abusing my children for 17 years but now he has hit a new low. He raped me. I feel so humiliated and degraded. I cringe at the touch of him and yet it is my fault that I will not forgive him. I am useless
My advice is to contact you're local women's shelter, get as much advice as you can from them and also contact the police.
What your husband has done is illegal and he has NO right, NONE what so ever and you know this yourself because you wouldn't have posted in here if you thought that what he's done is ok.
A man who commits rape is a very dangerous one. He's willing to cross a line. Abuse just gets worse, he's just proven that. For the past 17 years he's controlled you, the children and now he's took it one step up, and he will keep going, because abuse gets worse!
You're very survival depends on getting out and going NC.
There is every chance, now that he has crossed that line that he now feels he is allowed to and in fact has rights to cross that line every time he feels like it.
Please contact your local women's shelter and the police, get out NOW and go NC, stay in a safe place!
I second contacting a women's shelter, or else a sexual assault helpline or similar (call from somewhere other than your home so he does not see any record of the number. Or phone them using a mobile and delete the outward call record after. )
I cannot stress enough how sorry I am. This is all HIS shame, and HIS wrongdoing.
You are innocent, and you deserve to live a happy, abuse free life. Please call someone who can help advise you what to do, like the shelter or a crisis line.
Take care and big hugs xx
Do know that courage and strength are being sent your way!!!!!
The humiliation isn't yours, it's his (I do understand, my ex did that to me too ... I get it - but I still say it's not yours). It is NOT your fault that you will not forgive him. Why should you? What has he done to earn your forgiveness for such a horrible act?
You are not useless. You are hurt. Big difference. Please do talk to your local women's centre or shelter - you don't have to run off to there, they have other resources to help. You don't need to live with abuse of any kind.
I also read your profile where you said you stay (in part) for your kids. Please consider leaving for your kids, to show them that his treatment of you is wrong and not something they should accept in their own adult lives.
And please stay on the board and post. We understand. I'm so sorry for what you have endured.
on the stem of
the universe.
And you are the
protector of your
children.
Please get help,
because their
whole lives
will be affected
by this, if left
untended.
Sending you
hugs and
prayers for
all good things.
It WILL
keep getting WORSE.
Abuse always does.
While i have not been in your exact situation I do understand and have experienced the constant pressure for hours at a time to have sex when I am tired and not be respected.... and finally just getting it over with so that he will leave me alone. I know how awful it is to be the hole in the wall as he does what he wants and expects you to enjoy it even though it makes you want to throw up and creates a dislike that is sooo strong that you can't deal with it.....
and perhaps the worst part is that he doesn't remember how he treated you in the way that makes you feel so awful----- but I think my husband does remember at the moment, but doesn't want to remember.... he has just about admitted this in the past week (since I am no longer there for him to control)
You are not crazy!
You are human!
You can be honored and loved without this awful feeling.
I am sooo sorry that you are dealing with this, and hope that you find peace and kindness in your life.