Also, is this abuse of a kind? It sure feels like it.

Now, he wants us to wait another week of uncertainty and heartache for a maybe? OMG. I just want to hate him. I want him erased!

I so understand what your child is going through. When I was divorced from my boy's father, he worked a lot. He would tell the boys that he would be over to our house on the weekend and would give a time and day. My poor youngest son would sit out on the curb for hours. It just broke my heart. He would never show up, weekend after weekend. As far as I'm concerned, that is emotional abuse. My ex had to live with what he did to Michael and Michael has never forgotten it. Hugs GB

I'm so sorry. Yes, it most definitely is abuse... on top of all the other abuse he has perpetrated so far. An abuser is all he will ever be, so unfortunately, that is all you and your child will ever get from him.

"He is so sure that he can have me (and her!) anytime he wants that he can blow us off like that."

You've got that right, at least in his mind. He has never understood, and will never understand, the true nature of a loving bond - all he sees in any person who actually loves him, is the opportunity to play a sick game. You guys really wanted him to turn up? Well then, perhaps he'll drag it out a bit longer, since you're so keen.

Going NC is your chance to say, without words, "No, actually, you don't get us any time you want. WE don't want YOU." The words themselves won't work. Words equal engagement to them. You're still talking to them, so they still think they're important. Ignorance is best, because it ends the game. Even if they kick and scream or whatever, there's no return in it for them. They see you're not invested any more, and where's the fun in trying to play someone who doesn't even care?

It's difficult, because we keep wanting to project our own decency onto them, so we're continually surprised that the penny never drops like it would with a person capable of compassion and empathy - they never 'realise' how to behave appropriately, no matter how many go arounds down the road we are. But they never will. It's like that story about the frog and the scorpion. A scorpion will sting, and an abuser will abuse.

that truly stinks!!! try not to be too hard on yourself, I understand where you're coming from, you are truly hopeful of what is perceived as the better side of him and who he was or thought he was. That maybe, just maybe he'll come around and realize all that he lost.

I feel your pain and share it, it hurts that they take try to take our good, caring, loving nature and step on it, or worse!! I understand how hard it can be, it's so much work but try to focus on the peace that you have in this absence. sending hugs, take good care.

That you for your responses. I spent some meditating on this today. A lot of time. Too much. Trying to figure out how to let go already. An answer sort of came to me (I know this sounds cheesy) but I just thought to myself... maybe it is like that. Just. Let. Go. Like dropping a penny into the bay. Just let it go.

Shannon - Be gentle with yourself. You spent 30 years with this man. It takes time to heal and adapt to not having him around, or being in communication with him.

You hoped he would change, but it looks like it's just more games from him. I hope he realizes one day how much he has hurt you and his daughter.

Take care of yourself.

You're right shannon. It really is as simple, and as hard, as just letting go. There's no complexity to the idea, just let go. But we all understand that, as simple as the idea is, putting it into practice is incredibly hard. As JJ said, you have 30 years with this man. That in itself is a lot to let go of - a lot of hopes, dreams, wishes and desires. And on top of that, abuse tends to bind us even more closely, because the game of constantly having our hopes and dreams dashed then rebuilt conditions us never to completely let go of those hopes and dreams - because just around the corner is that rebuilding phase, where it seems we will get our desires after all. Except we never do - but the cycle perpetuates hope. That's what you have to let go of - the cycle that brings you to hope "this time will be different". If I had a dollar for every time I believed or hoped that "this time will be different" ... but I don't, and it never was. One day, I finally did have to say "enough", to give up on that last hope that next time would be different, that he would finally see, that he would finally come through. One day I had to say the pain of dashed hopes was greater than the elation of the "maybe this time", and so the latter was just not worth it any more.

Take care of yourself, go easy on yourself, and work on that "just" letting go.