Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ever since the ex called me and left the voice mail saying he was going on the trip we were supposed to go to together without me and he did not know why, that he hoped he heard from me when he got back..I can't quite get him out of my head. I might not think of him every day, but he is in there from time to time. I get so angry about that. :(
I have had a few other things going on as well. The SIL brought me a card with a bunch of mush and a small bit of cash in it on what I have loaned them. It was a nice offering except she had to throw in this should be all we owe you right? LOL
That kind of ruined the whole sincerity of that. We have been a bit awkward since. I did not ask for the money and we never discussed the fact that she was talking about me behind my back to my coworker.
So I feel like there is just one more person I can't trust.
Then I have my ex in laws. They have not done anything and are as good as ever to me, actually better than my own family, but my ex husband just takes them for granted and its hard to be around them and not want to tell him off. I tried to offer him work again the other day with coming and setting up some kennels (wanting to go into having a few dogs and also do rescue) and in talking to his father I found out that he just will not work, he has tried to get him to.
So, I finally had to admit it not only to my mind but my heart that its time to give up on trying. That he is going to choose to be bitter, to blame me and anyone else for his problems in life, to take the guilt he dishes out upon me and try to just get past it somehow.
That as much as I love his parents, I have to distance myself because I can't be around him and detach.
I just feel so very alone, sad and lost right now.
Just checking in and letting everyone know I am still here. Just haven't been on as I don't like to be so negative.
I have had a few other things going on as well. The SIL brought me a card with a bunch of mush and a small bit of cash in it on what I have loaned them. It was a nice offering except she had to throw in this should be all we owe you right? LOL
That kind of ruined the whole sincerity of that. We have been a bit awkward since. I did not ask for the money and we never discussed the fact that she was talking about me behind my back to my coworker.
So I feel like there is just one more person I can't trust.
Then I have my ex in laws. They have not done anything and are as good as ever to me, actually better than my own family, but my ex husband just takes them for granted and its hard to be around them and not want to tell him off. I tried to offer him work again the other day with coming and setting up some kennels (wanting to go into having a few dogs and also do rescue) and in talking to his father I found out that he just will not work, he has tried to get him to.
So, I finally had to admit it not only to my mind but my heart that its time to give up on trying. That he is going to choose to be bitter, to blame me and anyone else for his problems in life, to take the guilt he dishes out upon me and try to just get past it somehow.
That as much as I love his parents, I have to distance myself because I can't be around him and detach.
I just feel so very alone, sad and lost right now.
Just checking in and letting everyone know I am still here. Just haven't been on as I don't like to be so negative.
For the record,
being negative
isn't the worst
thing in the world.
There's a time and
a place.
Think of it like a
pussy infection.
It has to be
opened and
drained, or
it won't heal.
So, when you're
in a safe place
(like here),
that's the time to
drain the infection
. . . so it can HEAL!
We have to process
what we've been
through and
what we're feeling
. . . . so we can HEAL.
Once we've done
that adequately,
then we won't
be feeling the
negative stuff
(unless we
step in something).
It's hard, when we
come to a conclusion
that's very sad. It's a
kind of amputation.
Love them and
wish them well.
And then say
good-bye.
He is not going
to choose
better over bitter.
He will always be
who he has been.
But YOU are healing.
Good for you.
Please take good care.
Hugs and healing prayers.
Hang in there. You are coming to some important (and hurtful) realizations. While it is very painful, it is also very useful for your well-being.
Stay strong my friend. We are here for you.
As Ilene said, it is part of the healing process. Without expressing our feelings outwardly, we cannot heal. So I invite you to share your feelings here and/or in your journal. I have been where you are and with the help of my DS friends and a wonderful therapist, I am better. But you know what? It takes time and I didn't start healing until I started expressing my feelings - all of them - from anger to deep sadness and everything in between.
I still have moments where he pops into my head and I wonder what if? And I wish things had been different. Then I realize that he hasn't changed and more than likely never will. So I express my feelings whatever they are and then I find myself feeling gratitude for being where I am today - living in peace and learning to be with and love myself. It's a process & it takes time & it's not linear.
Be kind and gentle and patient w/yourself. You will get there.
~Big big hugs~
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
And...we're all here for you. Sending you lots of hugs and strength!