Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Everything I did for him wasn't ever good enough. I always did things with my heart in the right place. Some examples...
I bought him Christmas gifts. One particular item was a very expensive pair of boots. He actually said why did you buy these. I don't like high boots. Only ankle length.
I was away and drove to a special store to buy him a shirt. He collects them from each state. I got home excited to give him it. He says. Oh white. I don't wear white.
I made him steak. I asked how is it. He says not so good. Where did you buy it. I tell him. He says that's why. They sell crap. At $15 a pound I doubt it.
I can keep listing but you get the point. He treated me like I also had no say. Every suggestion or opinion I had For our home was squashed. He made me feel like a child who should be silenced because my feeling were ridiculous.
If I voiced my feelings on something that's made me uncomfortable he would get mad and tell me to get the "f" over it. So everyday I stuffed it and said nothing until I couldn't just shut up. I would tell him how I felt and always said get out. But days later I missed him and we would talk again.
I honestly don't suffer from low self esteem. Maybe a bit codependent on the relationship I really didn't want to end.
My son says he did this so I would keep trying harder. I don't know. I say he did it to degrade me. Either way with him I couldn't do anything right. Except according to him...was abuse him and treat him like crap. Maybe at the end I started too. I couldn't take it anymore.
I know I'm venting. But he also did what I consider humiliating. Because I feel that maybe I'm crazy or over reacting I'm trying to put this out there to see if I am just the nit picker he told me I was.
He told everyone our business.
If we were out he would look at every girl he saw. Actually straining his neck to make eye contact
If he was late he wouldn't call. Told me he didn't know he had to punch a clock.
He always talked about other
Women when we were dating. I wasn't
Sure why. I would say...I don't know why you do that. Don't I give you enough attention? Sometimes he would tell me to get some confidence. He is never jealous because he knows
Who he is. He never showed jealousy. I have confidence. I am pretty and in shape and dress well. I
Don't lack confidence.
So this is what he tells me. I've changed as much for
You as I can. I don't look at other women like that anymore. And I call when I'm late. What more do you want?
Maybe again I'm crazy. But aren't those just a given in a relationship. Common courtesy and respect.
And I miss this guy. I am crazy
I bought him Christmas gifts. One particular item was a very expensive pair of boots. He actually said why did you buy these. I don't like high boots. Only ankle length.
I was away and drove to a special store to buy him a shirt. He collects them from each state. I got home excited to give him it. He says. Oh white. I don't wear white.
I made him steak. I asked how is it. He says not so good. Where did you buy it. I tell him. He says that's why. They sell crap. At $15 a pound I doubt it.
I can keep listing but you get the point. He treated me like I also had no say. Every suggestion or opinion I had For our home was squashed. He made me feel like a child who should be silenced because my feeling were ridiculous.
If I voiced my feelings on something that's made me uncomfortable he would get mad and tell me to get the "f" over it. So everyday I stuffed it and said nothing until I couldn't just shut up. I would tell him how I felt and always said get out. But days later I missed him and we would talk again.
I honestly don't suffer from low self esteem. Maybe a bit codependent on the relationship I really didn't want to end.
My son says he did this so I would keep trying harder. I don't know. I say he did it to degrade me. Either way with him I couldn't do anything right. Except according to him...was abuse him and treat him like crap. Maybe at the end I started too. I couldn't take it anymore.
I know I'm venting. But he also did what I consider humiliating. Because I feel that maybe I'm crazy or over reacting I'm trying to put this out there to see if I am just the nit picker he told me I was.
He told everyone our business.
If we were out he would look at every girl he saw. Actually straining his neck to make eye contact
If he was late he wouldn't call. Told me he didn't know he had to punch a clock.
He always talked about other
Women when we were dating. I wasn't
Sure why. I would say...I don't know why you do that. Don't I give you enough attention? Sometimes he would tell me to get some confidence. He is never jealous because he knows
Who he is. He never showed jealousy. I have confidence. I am pretty and in shape and dress well. I
Don't lack confidence.
So this is what he tells me. I've changed as much for
You as I can. I don't look at other women like that anymore. And I call when I'm late. What more do you want?
Maybe again I'm crazy. But aren't those just a given in a relationship. Common courtesy and respect.
And I miss this guy. I am crazy
Suddenly the target of this kind of abuse has a lot of failures and flaws and as they try to please the abuse and never can because the demands/ wishes are unreasonable they get into the psychological trap.
You are not crazy even though the wounds are invisible.
Minnie...my son said he makes me feel everything isn't good enough so I can raise the bar and try harder to please him. And I was doing that. Making better dinners...paying for meals out....etc. See if he told me that I wasn't doing things right...I would keep trying to do more to make him happy. That was impossible
I got sucked in truly believing this guy knows and he has the right to tell me these things.
Just know that with time and presence of people who love and respect you, it will heal.
Second date he told me how he saw a new girl at work that he was interested in. Wtf. Who says that on a date? And who doesn't run from that. ME! And now I need to figure out why I didn't run
You're dad brought me to you. I hope I'm witness to karma kicking his ass.
As for what your son said, I'll bet your ex justified it that way but it's just not true. My father is the same - always critical. And he also thinks it's "encouraging" or "just joking". But it's not. It's soul destroying to never, ever receive compliments or appreciation or a sense that someone you care about and who supposedly cares for you is proud of your achievement.
It's really important now that you work on not listening to his voice, which by now is in your head. You weren't "just nitpicking", you have a right to expect courtesy and appreciation. You weren't expecting too much or being ridiculous. And you aren't crazy.
I saw a criminal there. He looked like that in the photo, and I tore it because that is not going to be my life. My life are not going to be the choices he mas made and I am not going to be like him.
Maybe it will work for you too.