Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I just went through my trash folder in my email and saw an email from my ex. My stomach dropped like a box of rocks.
I have him blocked on my phone and email (his emails get sent to trash). I only went into my trash because a work email of mine was accidentally filtered into it.
It was all syrup-y sweet, as only abusers can be. He basically said he agreed with me about our need to end the relationship. (What? I haven't talked to the man for over a month!) He continued on to say how much he loved me and how special I was/am to him... Oh, and my favorite part:
You cast a spell over me, so I can't be held responsible for my actions when I am around you.
What the hell?? Seriously! This man was cheating on me when I left him, lied about his entire life and accused me of doing horrible things I would never dream of doing!!!
Truly, I thought I was done with this man and had found a way to push him entirely out of my life (by ruining his relationship with the OW). I still am done with him and will not let him back into my life.
The more I think about it, the more I am sure he has attempted to contact me other ways and failed. I am glad I have put up as many barriers as I have had, or else I am sure his attempts to suck me back in would be worse.
Never under-estimate the extent to which an abuser will go to get you back. Never.
I am reeling from his email. I just needed to come here and vent to people who I know have been through this.
I have him blocked on my phone and email (his emails get sent to trash). I only went into my trash because a work email of mine was accidentally filtered into it.
It was all syrup-y sweet, as only abusers can be. He basically said he agreed with me about our need to end the relationship. (What? I haven't talked to the man for over a month!) He continued on to say how much he loved me and how special I was/am to him... Oh, and my favorite part:
You cast a spell over me, so I can't be held responsible for my actions when I am around you.
What the hell?? Seriously! This man was cheating on me when I left him, lied about his entire life and accused me of doing horrible things I would never dream of doing!!!
Truly, I thought I was done with this man and had found a way to push him entirely out of my life (by ruining his relationship with the OW). I still am done with him and will not let him back into my life.
The more I think about it, the more I am sure he has attempted to contact me other ways and failed. I am glad I have put up as many barriers as I have had, or else I am sure his attempts to suck me back in would be worse.
Never under-estimate the extent to which an abuser will go to get you back. Never.
I am reeling from his email. I just needed to come here and vent to people who I know have been through this.
One thing I have found helpful when dealing with the unexpected and unwanted communications is to write a response - in my journal here. Not to send, just to get it out of my head. They don't need to know anything about what our feelings or reactions are, but it can sometimes be helpful to get them out. I have a couple of really good letters in my journal. :-)
I don't worry much about email, he doesn't use it much, unless that is the only way you communicate with him, as I did in the beginning. I think that was how he reeled me in and most likely works on new sources, Online dating.
Anyway, sorry you had to read that and it bothered you. Sometimes the smarmy words are worse than anything else as if pouring salt into a wound. I know that is how it felt when mine would do it, promising to never betray me again...only to..what..betray me again. ARGHH.
Anyway, I hope this will soon be out of your mind and you will be on your way to brighter days.
@livndadrem, I like the idea of a journel response to get rid of the emotion/venting rather than slip up with a replyand breaking contact due to your emotions having nowhere else to go.
My best friend pointed out that his email was part of a much repeated pattern. His original email was sent about two weeks after NC. I had forgotten that in the past when we fought or split that he usually waited 2 weeks to a month (if he was being really stubborn) before contacting me. He would say all the right things, I would go back, things would be great for a while, then BOOM, everything would explode.
I really thought things would be different this time. This wasn't just any fight, not to me anyway. I caught him in a web of lies so deep that I don't even know who he is anymore. I am really surprised that he would risk having me back in his life.
So I guess that is why his email caught me so off guard.
Joanie:
I have been where you are. Trust me when I say that they always come back. You just don't know when!
Nothing has tested my resolve to go NC like this email. Reading both of your comments and feeling not alone has been the only thing that has kept me holding on. :)
It's ridiculous. My first H contacted me a year or so ago (we split in 1997 and have had almost no contact - other than an email from him every few years since about mid 1998) asking for a favour. When I responded that there's no way I could trust him after all the lies and broken promises, he merely told me that he had hoped I was happy, but that he was saddened that my life was obviously so bad now that I had become bitter. Yeah, whatever. Didn't bother answering that one.
Really feeling I need to journel more and that will hopefully keep me from breaking no contact. I have done pretty good so far and I hate to have to start over with it.
If I get my thoughts and emotions out, it won't feel like there is a poison inside slowly killing me. Not sure if that makes sense, but its how I feel.