Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been away for some time because honestly I just have been going through so much that I didn't want to bother everyone with it all. I am writing today to try to keep from contacting my ex boyfriend, the addict, as he is currently ignoring me and while I should feel relief, I just feel even more worthless.
I only have my phone for internet so can't type all that has taken place but a HUGE turning point and trigger was finding out my ex husband (who I never really got over and still feel responsible for) holds huge resentment towards me, and is so bitter that he blames me for his troubles in life. No job, no money, all women only want men for what they can give them, he is a loser and his car is a piece of crap and wants to just put a bullet in his head.
This was what he told his mom. His parents love me, his nieces and nephews are good with me, and most of the rest of the family. I had hoped for forgiveness at the least, friendship possibly and reconcilliation was a pipe dream.
To find out he hates me...ripped me apart.
I did go to a psychologist last Tuesday, first time with this one, and we discussed my hatred of myself, my pattern of dating alcoholics and addicts that are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, since my divorce and that I am doing this because of my low self worth and self destructive tendancies. I feel I don't deserve better.
Also I grew up in an abusive household with an alcoholic father and brother.
I am suppossed to go back but right now I just want to sleep. I just can't see how things will ever get better.
I never even touched on childhood sexual abuse or rape that occurred later on. Its just too hard.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I only have my phone for internet so can't type all that has taken place but a HUGE turning point and trigger was finding out my ex husband (who I never really got over and still feel responsible for) holds huge resentment towards me, and is so bitter that he blames me for his troubles in life. No job, no money, all women only want men for what they can give them, he is a loser and his car is a piece of crap and wants to just put a bullet in his head.
This was what he told his mom. His parents love me, his nieces and nephews are good with me, and most of the rest of the family. I had hoped for forgiveness at the least, friendship possibly and reconcilliation was a pipe dream.
To find out he hates me...ripped me apart.
I did go to a psychologist last Tuesday, first time with this one, and we discussed my hatred of myself, my pattern of dating alcoholics and addicts that are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, since my divorce and that I am doing this because of my low self worth and self destructive tendancies. I feel I don't deserve better.
Also I grew up in an abusive household with an alcoholic father and brother.
I am suppossed to go back but right now I just want to sleep. I just can't see how things will ever get better.
I never even touched on childhood sexual abuse or rape that occurred later on. Its just too hard.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I think you took a huge step by going to the new psychologist & discussing all those things. Try to be gentle with yourself and remember, one baby step at a time. The psyche can only deal w/so much at once and the psychologist knows this.
I know it seems like nothing will get better, but again, its one baby step at a time. And remember that healing isn't linear (as Ilene always says). It can be a step forward, backward, sideways, zig zags and even in circles, but no matter which way you go, its all moving you toward healing. And one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day you'll wake up not thinking about him and/or not hurting so much and all of a sudden you'll take a deep breath and know you are better.
~big hugs~
Massive (((HUGS))) and I add my support to MTC`s great reply above. I am so sorry for your troubles, but we are here whenever you need us. Thinking of you... xxx
Hang in there girl...you have been thru the crap shoot like a lot of us here. You are tired cause you are depressed and it is all becoming clear to you why this pattern is repeating. This is good stuff....an awakening kind of....so I agree that you should rest now and go back to continue talking to the therapist. Plus keep talking to us here and read some of the other posts. I find reading some of the others helps me as well as I feel different things all the time.
I know about that worthless feeling you are having cause he is ignoring you...but it is a blessing in disguise. Take care. I'll be thinking about you.
Glad to see you on.
Self-care.
Self-Care.
SELF-CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything that's been
posted by the first three
responders is spot on.
Whenever I feel myself
concerned about what
someone else is thinking,
saying or doing, I remind
myself to
CONSIDER the SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!!
What this means is that
whatever an abuser
"feels" about me,
I would then have
to . . . . . .
CONSIDER the SOURCE.
He (or she) is an ABUSER.
That means they are
dysfunctional and toxic.
Why should I be
invested or effected
by what an abuser
thinks or says?
They're an ABUSER!!!!!!!!
They're
dysfunctional
and TOXIC.
That CANCELS OUT
their credibility.
Please practice
self-care
every moment
you can.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
I had my horse shoes but have yet to ride. My depression and anxiety gets the better of me.
Hoping tommorrow to go sight seeing with my long time "safe " friend from the city whom I can literally talk on the phone with for hours. No one else can I do this with.
He has offered to go to this new psychologist with me and be my voice about my childhood sexual abuse since I shut down with every therapist or to help me however he can. His motives are honest as he has known me for years and does not wish to date, he just wants to see me heal.
Not sure what I will do at this point but he helps the crime victim advocacy so he is an awesome person to know.
The ex bf (addict) has not contacted me, so I figure he is seeing someone. Not sure why that bothers me as I know he does not love me and I really don't love him, but I suppose it's a kick in the stomach knowing your not even of value to an addict. :(
Trying to hang in there and just enjoy tommorrow. Then I hope to get some energy to start working on me.
hugs.