We haven't spoken really since before Christmas. Saturday was my son's 19th birthday, so he and his girlfriend were at the house having cake and ice cream when my H showed up early (it was only 8 PM--really early for him). I guess I should have told him we were doing it, but honestly I guess the passive-aggressive part of me thought "why bother". Anyway, in the 15 years we have lived together, he has never once kept the bedroom door open, and the TV is always on. Even when our kids were small and I would beg him to let me keep the door open in case they needed me in the night, he refused. Well, for some reason he decides to leave the door open and the TV off while he goes to sleep at 8:15. I'm not stupid, I knew this was just an excuse to blow up about the perceived lack of respect we were giving him by being "noisy" while he tried to sleep. Yep, you guessed it, he left in a huff because of that very reason. The kids were upset, they had after all been trying to be silent, but come on we were celebrating a birthday and it wasn't really THAT late.

Anyway, Sunday night, same thing--TV off and door open, and early for him. Became the same fight, only escalated to calling me names like dyke and tomboy because I was watching a football game with the kids (I happen to really enjoy football). I let it wash over me and ignored him for the most part so it didn't really escalate. Yesterday morning he called me to tell me that either we need to work on our problems or we need to go our separate ways. Okay....been here, done this over and over and over until I really stopped listening a long time ago. I gave him some pat answer and got off the phone because I was working.

Last night, he comes home at 9, turns out the light and refuses to eat dinner. I think to myself "Oh no, here we go again...it's gonna be a long night!" Sure enough he tells me we need to talk (which is shorthand for he needs to vent about all the problems in the world I have caused and how he is the poor individual who is stuck trying to keep me from destroying our children in the process--in fact I'm pretty sure I am single-handedly responsible for the conflict in the Middle East, although that hasn't been explicitly stated yet by Obama; honestly though I'm sure if you listen to his speeches you will hear him inferring it).

Anyway, I won't give you the long sordid details of the four hour conversation from last night, but suffice it to say that it was great fun. It started with him informing me that he is making a very important decision this week that will affect all of us for the rest of our lives. He can no longer tolerate my disrespect, the fact that I am always negative, that I am single-handedly running this family and his life into the ground, I am irresponsible with money, I am always telling him how he needs to change and take more responsibility with the children; all he wants is a better relationship, is that too much to ask? Shouldn't he be entitled to start the new year off right by bettering his life. He then asked me what my input was. I learned long ago not to have any input because it A) only prolongs the misery, and B) usually results in him getting more antagonized during the conversation, so I told him I really didn't have any. He then tells me "don't you realize how very much I love you--you're my everything" to which I replied, "I know that you might think you love me, but what do you think love is?" He then starts screaming that I never do anything for him, he could pay someone $30 or $40 to do what I do for him; I never pay enough attention to him--it is always the kids--I am hopelessly pathetic with money, I think I can do better than him but trust him no one is going to put up with my shit for long, he is done trying with the kids (?!?!?) because that ship has sailed and I've already ruined them too much, and on and on. He then starts whining about how much he loves me and why am I always telling him he's a piece of shit (mind you...none of that was said and in fact, I would NEVER have said that to him because why invite violence!). I just said, "it's amazing to me how quickly you can switch between loving me and the kids and hating us in one breath". This touched off another rant, followed by cajoling and "rationalizing his viewpoints" (which all came down to why I was wrong and how I am not doing enough for him), followed by the threat that I haven't seen the worst that he is capable of if I think I can survive without him, but he's going to show me. At this point, I was just praying for sleep because none of this was making any damn sense and it wasn't going anywhere.

He called me at 7 AM to begin again with "Have you made your decision yet?" In no way, shape or form, did I get the impression that I had a decision or a say in anything he said last night and I told him so. He then basically says did I decide I was going to make the changes necessary to make him happy and preserve this relationship. I then ask him to make clear what changes he feels I need to make, to which he starts yelling that I am twisting his words because he never said I needed to make any changes. Ugghhh.....this went on for about 45 minutes before I finally pretended my phone went dead. I haven't talked to him since, but ugghhh....even though I know this is classic mind bending, I still leave every conversation with him feeling like I've been beat up by an invisible adversary. I can't make sense of what is said, and I don't know if this is deliberate or if he honestly thinks what he says makes sense and is true. Is it me, or does this conversation go around and around in a circle that just comes back to the same thing--that I should acknowledge that he is the center of the universe and any thoughts I have outside of that are wrong and abusive to him?!